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ksquared22 · Oct 17, 2011, 08:34 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. Ever since we first started dating I kind of had a hunch that he was cheating on me, so I asked him multiple times and he said no. I had finally started to believe him until one weekend last December, we both got drunk and the truth came out. He had cheated on me twice, back in the first couple months of out relationship.

The first time he was really drunk and wasn't thinking I guess and the second time he woke up hungover at a party and some girl dragged him into a room and he went along with it. The first time happened with friends around and the second time happened at the friends house which I hang out at a lot and he got them all to lie and hide it. I felt so betrayed after that, knowing that everybody else knew.. And especially that it happened in that house.

I was very very very hurt to find things out but I thought I had forgiven him, but I'm not sure if I can. I can go long periods with out thinking about it but then sometimes, like this past weekend, we had a going away party at that house and all I could think about was the cheating and had these horrible visual images of it happening that I can't get out of my head.

He said that he's already paid for what he did and that he can't stay with me if I can't forgive him. I love him and would like to spend many many more years with him but I need to figure out how I can forgive him. Please help!

talaniman · Oct 17, 2011, 02:28 PM

Drunken bad behavior is no excuse, and honestly, it will be a long time before the hurt goes away, and you overcome those painful memories. YEARS maybe. Especially hard if you are going to places, and around people that keep those feelings stirred up and reminded of that hurt.

Maybe what you need is more time, or a change in your friends, or routine, but if he cannot understand and help I fail to see the point of staying with him.

You need patience, he doesn't seem to have that, nor understand your hurt, or how his drunk behavior has affected you.

That's NOT a good sign for the future, in my opinion.

vanheart · Oct 18, 2011, 03:20 PM

"I kind of had a hunch"
Use your gut, next time.

"He had cheated on me twice, back in the first couple months of out relationship."
That would have been enough for me to split.

You can forgive him all you want.
Just don't be with him.

I would go NC for good.
You don't need this treatment.

helloshine2343 · Oct 31, 2011, 04:32 PM

Always trust that instinct. Women know, we try to push that feeling away and be optimistic about it because out love, or desire for love is so strong but
1- it only came out when he was drunk, so if he wasn't drunk, would he have ever told you?
2- this drinking seems to lead to a lot of irresponsible behavior and lies to cover up lies and people who weren't even initially involved having to lie as well.
You cannot successfully be in a relationship without trust and you do NOT trust him so unless that is gained back in full, which it will never be than you probably will have to leave him.
Also, he isn't happy with your attitude towards him so doesn't want to constantly be accused