[JustABud29]

Last Friday night, my partner went out with his friend Alice. They had drinks and got drunk. I am a male and my partner is a male as well!
They got really drunk and at the bar, Alice met a guy and he wanted to take her home.
My Partner was with them so he went over too.
They all did a line of Cocaine. My partner does not usually take drugs.
He doesn't drink all the time but when he does he doesn't stop and has blackouts.
Alice started sleeping with the random guy and my partner said he had a blackout and hardly remembers the night after the club but he keeps getting flashes and he remembers being naked. Watching Alice having sex with this man. He crawled into the bed with them. He kissed Alice even though girls do nothing for him. He than proceeded to touch the male's private probably in hopes the guy would do something with him. That's the just of it.
He came clean to me about it five days later. (after testing the waters and revealing a little at a time and a few lies in between until the water was safe!) He said, he was trying to piece it all together and that he didn't want to tell me. He had to!

The relationship before hand is picture perfect! We have an amazing place together. We're always together. We are best friends. Both Monogamous and we both love each other very much. I just about broke it off even though no sex or oral sex was involved with him. He cried out loud that he told me the truth because he loves me and wants to get through this together. His mom sat me down and said that on her side, when they drink, blackouts happen so she has not drank in over thirty years and that her son (my bf) shouldn't drink if he blackouts.

I feel like I can forgive... What do I do? I do love him and he was honest and sincere. He said he wants to spend his life with me and will do anything to earn my trust back.

Does anyone know if blackout cheating is a valid excuse? He's working on not drinking at all now because of this. Last night we went to couples counselling to try and overcome this.

I have never been blackout drunk so I'm not sure how one reacts when in that state!

Yours Truly, AC

[talaniman]

Drinking, drugging, is no excuse for bad behavior, and if it causes black outs, then the drinking and drugging have to stop. If NOT, there can be no forgiveness, or second chances can there? It would be a big red flag, and not a great idea to be with someone that drinks, drugs, and has blackouts and bad behavior, and expects them to be a good partner.

No I would not forgive, until I knew they were ready, willing, and able to solve their own problem, and if they were, it would be a long time before I would believe them. Lip service and temporary good behavior is not enough for me at least, but for you make it plain where you stand and see if words and actions match, or else you better do what you have to to protect yourself from this person, with this problem.

[mmresd]

First of all, I think the cocaine would have either prevented or stopped the drunk black out, yes, just after one line, unless it was mostly flour. Second, there is no reason to cheat, not even during a blackout, and if cheating during a blackout happens it is still his fault for being imbecile enough to drink so much.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would first not believe the story, but if the drinking till black out drunk and the using of drugs is not a reason to leave him, cheating with a couple is the least of the issues.

Obviously he will use this as excuse to do what he would normally want to do ( that is what the drinking excuse is)
Had he not wanted to, he would not have done it.