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MSDAME · Nov 13, 2010, 09:22 PM

I recently started dating this guy that I have known since high school. At a chance reconnection we ran into one another and after weeks of phone tag we finally connected. Now a days it seems so perfect and I can talk to him about anything. He helped me unknowingly get over a terrible breakup that was kind of recent. However, I don't have children, never been married, and seemed to be coming to the table able to move freely. He however, has been separated for two years (not yet divorced), has custody of a child that he had in high school,and has two children by another woman. Though I have met and been in contact with the child he has custody of I have not met the younger children. He seems kind of leary about me meeting them and it is freaking me out. Usually I don't date guys with children because it seems I always get pushed to the back. I really really like him but I don't want to be at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to his attention. I became concerned when I stopped by to visit him one day and the younger kids were in the car and he wouldn't take them out the car until I left. I felt like I was a "big secret" I just don't know what position I play or where I would fit in. I don't know how to share him and where I draw the line? HELP SOMEBODY PLEASE!

Wondergirl · Nov 13, 2010, 09:27 PM

He's still married, by the way, so technically he's off limits until he is divorced.

It's not a good idea to get children involved with a woman other than their mom until a relationship is serious and headed toward marriage or some kind of permanency. Otherwise, it confuses the children. He's doing the right thing by his kids.

MSDAME · Nov 13, 2010, 10:03 PM

Yes I have addressed the fact with him that separated means married still and he agrees and has made strides to complete the paperwork for the divorce. The kids are not by his wife as they had no children together. The kids are by 2 different women

Wondergirl · Nov 13, 2010, 10:21 PM

The kids are not by his wife as they had no children together. The kids are by 2 different women

That doesn't change anything I wrote. He's protecting his kids from loving and possibly losing girlfriend after girlfriend. Loving and losing isn't fair to the kids. Once his relationship with a girlfriend becomes very stable and has a future, THEN he can feel free to bring his kids into the picture.

MSDAME · Nov 13, 2010, 10:44 PM

Thanks for sticking to the script, I will take your opinion in stride. #that is all

MSDAME · Nov 13, 2010, 10:47 PM

But let me ask this why is it okay for me to be around 1 child but not the other two?

Wondergirl · Nov 13, 2010, 10:53 PM

but let me ask this why is it okay for me to be around 1 child but not the other two?

Have you asked him? I can guess until the cows come home, but may never hit on the real reason.