[babyfitch1984]

I was dumped for another girl. It feels like just yesterday, but in reality it was over 8 months ago. I have tried to move on and see other guys but I still have such strong feelings about what happened. This guy was my best friend and there are so many things that I miss over all. I don't want him back and I'm not in love with him anymore. With his support, I became the person that I wanted to be. He acted like everything I did or wanted to do was the greatest thing and I miss that support. The thing is, is that since his betrayal, I reverted to how I was before because everything reminded me of him. For instance, I used to sew and was really healthy (vegan) and trying new things. Now I can't sew or do anything that I did when we were together because it still reminds me off him and I associate the anger with the activity. I miss how I was and I want to get back to being that person that I worked so hard to become. How do I let go of the emotional baggage that I have refused to deal with and move on with my life.

[masteer]

I went through the same thing. We were dating for 4 years! He was my best friend and I felt that he was everything to me. I started reverting back to the drinking and the premiscuity. One day I realized that if he were that great then he wouldn't have left me. If he didn't know what a wonderful and amazing girl he left then he sure as hell isn't the one for me. You are so much better. You can do so much better then a scum who would leave you for someone else.

[a la king]

I agree with the above-- however self reflection is critical. What could YOU do better as a person? Become bigger, better and stronger!

[stillfading]

U let him become your life. I did the same thing but from a guy's perspective.

He was in your life because he was the motivation for YOU to become a better person. Now that you became that, what's stopping you from continuing? He has a false power over you. You have to be strong and everything you think you aren't right now so that the next person can see that and treat you better than the one that betrayed you.

This person will be the one to REALLY make you feel how far you've become

[Nestorian]

I was dumped for another girl. It feels like just yesterday, but in reality it was over 8 months ago. I have tried to move on and see other guys but I still have such strong feelings about what happened. This guy was my best friend and there are so many things that I miss over all. I don't want him back and I'm not in love with him anymore. With his support, I became the person that I wanted to be. He acted like everything I did or wanted to do was the greatest thing and I miss that support. The thing is, is that since his betrayal, I reverted to how I was before because everything reminded me of him. For instance, I used to sew and was really healthy (vegan) and trying new things. Now I can't sew or do anything that I did when we were together because it still reminds me off him and I associate the anger with the activity. I miss how I was and I want to get back to being that person that I worked so hard to become. How do I let go of the emotional baggage that I have refused to deal with and move on with my life.

Hard yes it is, as your mind is used to this one idea, one way of life. Not that it's bin taken from you, you don't know what, or who you are. That is the first step.

Those things you were may be apart of you, but deeper within you is who you are. Use this time of "confusion" to find yourself, forgive yourself, and love yourself. "You yourself, as much as any one in the entire universe deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

“Luke: What's in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.” This illistrates the idea that you entered the relationship with what you left with. He didn't teach you, or change you, you allowed yourself to listen, pay attention and open up. You changed you, and it may have been because you Loved him. When people love others they feel good, safe and secure. If the relationship is relatively good.

Now is your time to find yourself a new. Let me ask you, do you love yourself? Have you forgiven yourself for the relationship heart ache? Do you know who you really are? No none of us here know who you are, though we may have suggestions on how to find out. You do sound very smart, kind, caring, and well gernerally likable. (I'd say love, but that's a little bit over the line I think at this point.)
Do you know what I mean though? Why did you like sewing? What are some of your other hobbies? DO you read, what kind of books? What kind of movies do you like? Do you write? I try to write, "If the world were made a new I'd not want to be apart of it with out you." Eh on the spot, I don't think any one would much appreciate it though? :rolleyes: Ah well, how about family, do you love your family lots, close with them? DO you like kids? What is your occupation if you don't mind my asking all this.. We don't need to know but I'm giving you an idea what to ask yourself. What are your best qualites, and worst? What is one thing you'd like to do, but are not sure about doing? It may help you a great deal to find yourself so you can stop thinking that he made you do those things, or made it so you could. It is highly probable that you used your thinking to do those things, in motivational way I mean. So you did those things because you thought you wanted to.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.”- Yoda
Some psychologists comepare break ups to the same or similar feelings of losing some one to death. Master Yoda's words have their wisedom and I hope you can find them...

Everything that reminds you of him will continue to remind you of him until you make new memories of those things with out him, his presence etc. May I suggest joining a group, like Teakwondo, or M.M.A. Athletic and flexible women are, well attractive, eh?:rolleyes: sorry I am a guy. Maybe try a sewing course in a college or teaching new friends, or put an add the papper for teaching sewing to younger girls. That'll make you feel better about yourself and you can get super creative, and inspire others.

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”-Yoda I know you said you don't want to deal with this emotional baggage any more, but I almost wonder if you are not the one holding on to it to avoid the realisation that you are indeed by yourself. Personally, I don't think we are ever alone. There are tons of people out there dealing with things similar or far worse than what we deal with, and the ones who feel our pain know our gain. We just need to be open to the idea that we are not the only one's who suffer from these things, because that separates us from others. Try to discover what if any thing you may fear.

"How do I let go of the emotional baggage that I have refused to deal with and move on with my life?"-you
Hmmm, How to get rid of something "you refuse" to deal with and move on... That seems to be the answer you know you must come to accept. There is no progression with out suffering. "No pain no gain." The pain can not be let go until embraced, for it shows you a painful but important part of who you really are. "Know thy self, and know me."
Not sure where I heard that..

YouTube - Angels
Hmmm, this song may play to your liking? Or not...
YouTube - Three days grace - Pain Or this one?
YouTube - everybody's free to wear sunscreen (great speech/ song)
YouTube - All American Rejects "Move Along" (if you think about it in context with the music vid, I know it's not the original, the brother and family have to take the pain, and Move along.)

"Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only by what one's self is done or is left undone.
We are what we think, all that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our worlds.
All conditioned things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Try to accomplish your own salvation with diligence.

Do not believe in anything simply because you heard it, do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many, do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books, do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders, do not believe in traditions because they have bin handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."-Buddha

"If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?" ~John Lancaster Spalding
"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal." ~Astrid Alauda

" Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Ok, last one, i hope some of this gave you some insight, i'm sure you don't agree with all if any at all, thats ok. It's your life and i hope you find your means to travel your path, when you are ready to choose it...

"Believe nothing no matter where you read it, no matter who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense."-buddha

P.S. Are you 24 as I am?

[MiSSsy111222]

I Agree with nestorians advice above. I think many people have this problem, I for an example cannot listen to certain songs, but one day I'm going to listen to them all just to get it over with! And create new memories, such as lisen to them whilst I'm going something great.

You improved yourself in the relationship not your ex, you did the hard work. You can get that back, all you need to do is to put that hard work back in. If those activities pain you so much, find new onces. There is plenty of activities to do.

[talaniman]

Instead of running from the problem, you should embrace the things you have enjoyed, and face your future head on.

You can't pretend it never happened, and scrap the things you have learned from the experience. That's not growth, and will hold you back from any progress, in your healing, as I know your finding out.