Do I deserve an explanation from my ex for breaking up with me without warning?
I had been with a girl for almost 2 years until about a week ago. Our relationship was not perfect and we both had our part in making it that way. I don't mean that there was any cheating or lying because I am pretty sure that we were honest with one another for the most part but we both had problems with insecurities occasionally.
I want to be as non-bias as possible so that I can actually get some useful feedback instead of just what I "want" to hear. Towards the end of our relationship we would get in arguments over small things and it would end up a heated argument. I personally think that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me but was somehow not even admitting it to herself. If I wanted to go anywhere without her then she would ask all sorts of questions about who was going to be there and so on and when she did anything without me then I would do the same. It became routine in our relationship as if we didn't trust each other when we both knew deep down that we were faithful. Maybe we were just scared because of past experiences.
Anyway, things started to become unfair. She would make plans to do something and if I asked the very same questions that she always asked me then I would be demonized and be labeled as "controlling" or "manipulative". It was to the point that I didn't even say much anymore when she was doing things without me and avoiding going anywhere myself because she would still interrogate me. In the last few months she started drawing conclusions from very far-fetched things and as far as she was concerned she was correct and I was guilty no matter how ridiculous the claim. We started our relationship wrong.
Both of us questioned one another when we had no reason to not trust. What bothers me is the fact that eventually it became normal for her to be this way but wrong for me to even attempt to be the same. Finally, last Sunday I went on a rafting trip with her and her family. We had a really good time and things seemed really good in my opinion. It was the last time I saw her. The next night she and her sister went to play pool and have some drinks. I talked to her and told her to be careful and not drink too much because she had done this previously on her birthday when she thought that she could handle much more and ended up in a parking lot for 4 hours sick. She also said that they were meeting up with her sister's friend (a guy I have never met). Let me point out that if I were in the same scenario we would already have a problem... no doubt about it. I said nothing negative and told her I'd call her later when I was on break. When I called her a couple hours later she told me that the place closed in an hour and then they were going home. I talked to her an hour later after break and she said that the place was closing and then they were going to another bar. I said to her in a normal tone "I thought you guys were going home when they closed" and she became angry.
Everything I said after this was taken completely wrong. She was making it seem that I had a problem when I was simply trying to figure out what she was doing for the rest of the night. We started fighting and I was worried that she had already drank too much and tried reminding her of the time before and she got even angrier. She hung up on me and sent me a text saying that she wasn't going to allow me to do this to her anymore and that was the last thing I heard from her.
The next day I tried calling and she had changed her number and deleted any social networking sites we may have talked on. After 2 years she was so mad at me for kind of doing something that she was the master at doing all the time. I think she owed me at least an e-mail. She always talked as if she adored me and spoke of marriage within a couple of weeks of the break-up. She started, towards the end, to do something very odd when we fought. In the heat of the argument she would say things that were EXACTLY the thing that I should have been saying to her in whatever the situation was. Is this projection? I have tried looking into some of this stuff. I am just heartbroken and she has not shown any trace of feeling or anything to me. We were a good couple and suddenly after a great last day we are nothing and nobody owes anybody anything.
Since then I have sent e-mails trying my hardest to let her know that I want to at least be friends and how we have no real reason to hate one another but she doesn't reply. The only thing that I have heard was from her sister and apparently she has gotten a very one-sided story. I really think that she is telling herself that I am wrong and she is right so that she feels like the victim but what is the point? We should be able to move on and respect that we tried. Any thoughts?