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    mich02's Avatar
    mich02 Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Apr 25, 2010, 06:36 AM
    Did I make a mistake by breaking up with him?
    I've been with this guy for the past 4 months. We definitely fell for each other quickly, he started the "boyfriend/girlfriend" labels first, said "I love you" first but I felt that he sometimes didn't really show his feeling effectively. He has a lot of things going on in his life, 3 kids, crazy work schedule, roomates he's not crazy about, etc. I have always tried to be understanding. Within the first month of our relationship he began having these catastrophies that would prevent him from seeing me. He works every other weekend so it was already tough enough to get together. All of the catastrophies were medically related... making me feel like an insensitive jerk if I got mad about him cancelling plans. The worst part of all is that he wouldn't tell me, he would leave me hanging for the entire day then I would have to start calling/texting like crazy when he was supposed to be at my house only to find out something had happened. We spoke about this and I told him it is rude and insensitive to leave me hanging all day long and he just needs to keep me informed. Then he really tried, things were perfect he would keep me informed, and seemed like he was really taking what I said to heart. He also asked me out for the upcoming weekend (which was another sore spot with me because I felt like I always initiated wanting to see him.) I hesitated and asked if I should get excited about our 'date night' because for the past 3 weekends he had off he had something happen and had to cancel last minute. He told me to get excited there was no way he was cancelling. Well, Friday morning came, he texted me and told me his daughter was in the hospital she had been sick all week and needed to be admitted. I asked him if he wanted to reschedule and he said no that he really wanted to see me. When I got out of work I called him, he didn't think he would be out of the hospital when we were supposed to meet up and asked to come over later. I told him no because I was going to do something else (really I just didn't want to wait around, find out he wasn't coming at all then get pissed that I wasted my whole night.) He could tell I was a little emotional (crying) and asked that I not be mad at him, I told him I wasn't mad, just disappointed that plans were cancelled AGAIN. The conversation was short, after hanging up I texted him asking to walk out of the hospital for a second and call me. When he called I told him that things weren't working out the way I wanted, he was always cancelling on me. He told me things wouldn't always be that way and I told him I didn't think anything would change. He told me "I'm sorry you feel that way" but didn't really have anything else to say. The whole conversation lasted about 3 minutes. That was 2 days ago. Now I'm wondering if I should've given him a chance. I also feel like a jerk for breaking up with him when he already had so much going on. Should I wait to see if he cares enough to contact me?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Apr 25, 2010, 07:00 AM

    I think you did the right thing.

    Too much too soon,then too little.

    He seems to have taken your breaking up with him in his stride,so chalk it up to experience and move on.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #3

    Apr 25, 2010, 06:33 PM

    You know the first 2-4 months of any Relationship are generally the best , ie: it's when you get that giddy feeling in your stomach , you both try the hardest you can to please the other etc. etc. He certainly hasn't gone out of his way to Romance you from what you've written , so I think you've done the right thing.

    I could be wrong here but you say he has 3 kids , therefore there has to be an Ex involved , maybe she isn't as much out of his life as he's made it out , just a possibility.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Apr 25, 2010, 08:20 PM

    If he felt the same as you do, he would have found a way to be with you, but I think you have had a good preview of what a wacky, and confusing as well as thoroughly frustrating a relationship this will be. No I think you did the right thing for yourself as the honeymoon phase of this relationship never got started and it wasn't from lack of effort on your part.

    You walk away because he has no time for you. His loss. Don't look back. You found him, and you will find better than him.
    mich02's Avatar
    mich02 Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Apr 27, 2010, 04:12 PM

    Thanks so much, everyone. The advice really helps squash that little bit of uncertainty that I had. So far it's been pretty easy going. I cried on Friday (the day of the break-up) for a bit and haven't shed a tear again yet... it's Tuesday. This is pretty good for me because I cry at commercials! Of course he hasn't tried to contact me, which is helpful and his Facebook status still says 'in a relationship' (yes, I've been checking like crazy! ) I wonder if once he blocks me as a friend or changes it back to single how that will affect me, but for now, things are going well! :-)

    Thanks again SO much!!
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #6

    Apr 27, 2010, 09:55 PM

    A word of advice-stop checking him out on FB-just ignore all information about him and move on with your own life.

    Good luck.
    Showme_urmove's Avatar
    Showme_urmove Posts: 319, Reputation: 101
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    #7

    Apr 27, 2010, 10:22 PM

    Question to ask you. Do you want him out of your life, or do you want to spend the rest of your life with disappointments. Know what you want, cause its going to really sting once you start seeing him moving on with his life.

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