[honeymustard]

FLASHBACK: About half a year ago, I liked this guy ("the guy") and my friend ("the girl") offered to help me shoo all the girls away from him for me and she ended up shooing me as well. I felt betrayed by her. I eventually told him I liked him but he rejected me. He said he apologizes if he did anything to lead me on. I wanted everything to be the same before I told him, so I told him that I would still see him when we hang out with our friends. But I couldn't stand seeing the guy and the girl so flirty together (even though they are still just in the friends stage), so I took a break from hanging around our friends. It made me feel less depressed when I temporarily forgot about them.

A few days before Christmas of 2007, the girl's best friend ("the bestfriend") invited me to the guy's house. I was thinking, why is she the one inviting me over to his house? Why didn't he invite me over himself? When I arrived at his house with another friend and her boyfriend, the guy was telling everyone that none of us has been to his house before, which was a lie.

FLASHBACK: Before I told him I liked him, I've been to his house several times. The first time, he offered to drive me and told me to drop off my car at his house. That was the first time I met his mother. That night, we came back to pick up my car, and even though it was already quite late and we both had to work the next day, he made me stay and gave me a detailed tour of his house, his work area, his bedroom and talked about his hobbies and his toys. I didn't want to go home yet because I was so happy that he was telling me all this and I wanted to get to know him better. There was another time where I dropped my car off at his house again so he could drive me. When we came back so that I could pick up my car, he asked me to stay behind at his house for a while if I wanted to. It was pretty late already, but I said sure, I'll stay for a bit and study with him.

****EDIT: But he ended showing me more of his toys and was burning CD's for me. Needless to say, we didn't get much studying done.

And so, he was denying all these memories. So was he trying to lead me on at the time? Why has he taken all his "niceness" away from me? Does he enjoy seeing me hurt? When he took everyone on a less detailed tour around his house and his bedroom that night during our Christmas party, I felt nostalgia... I've seen and heard everything before, if not more, but it was as if it was my first tour.

That night during our Christmas party, the guy and the girl were quite flirty, touching each other every chance they got. I forced myself to not stand in between them, and left them alone to clean up the kitchen by themselves, but I couldn't stop watching them. I let him sit beside her on the couch, while I remained on the carpet, but I couldn't stop watching them. I think they noticed me watching them and they would back off sometimes and not be so touchy.

There were a few times where the guy and I would engage in deep conversations. It felt like the best friend is trying to hook up the guy and the girl, and has been watching me and the guy. My friends were all talking about celebrating New Year's at the bestfriend's house in front of me. I don't know if I am invited. I guess it's an automatic invite if I hear them talking about it in front of me? Because otherwise, it would be rude. But then again, they never asked me straight out if I could make it. I guess the best friend thinks I'm standing in between the guy and the girl, so she's probably going to use the excuse of not inviting me, because it's her house, even though we been friends since high school. But I don't want to invite myself either.

And it's not like they haven't done this before. The girl invited me to go on vacation with our friends but couldn't accommodate the timing for me. They didn't even tell me that I've been excluded from their plans and I didn't even know that they had already set the date for the vacation until they were all packed and ready to go! Even though I couldn't make it, I would at least like to be informed about it! The whole time, I was excitedly and cluelessly telling everyone that I might go on vacation!

****EDIT: The girl didn't even feel bad about it at all. She asked me "Didn't you see my personal message on my MSN?" It just said "I'm going on vacation ... woohoo!" How was I supposed to know that meant I wasn't included? And I was supposed to find out about it indirectly?

Did I make the mistake of showing that I was hurt after telling the guy that I liked him? I've read a few postings on this board that I should show him that I'm strong and preserve my dignity by acting cool about it, so that it looks like his rejection did not hurt me as much as he expected and that he would feel that it was his loss, not mine. Is that why he has taken all the memories away from me? Or was he just trying not to lead me on anymore? Did I give the guy and the girl the satisfaction of seeing me hurt? I guess it's probably better that I don't show up for the New Year's celebration at the bestfriend's house.

[talaniman]

Stop hanging out with these two. This is a powerplay between them and your caught in the middle. Neither cares for you, only their agenda. DROP 'EM.

[honeymustard]

Talaniman, do you mean powerplay as in they want to hook up with each other? Or powerplaying with me because they want to see me hurt?

When he rejected me half a year ago, he said he was still emotionally attached to his ex. I think it was then that he started making a real effort to give up on her.

[honeymustard]

And I really don't get it. Why does it seem like everyone is on the girl's side? Why are all my friends babying her and letting her be the control freak? Why does she get to decide whether her ex-bestfriend, who she's been feuding with (this is not the same girl as the bestfriend), can show up at other people's birthday parties or not? Why was I accused of causing trouble when I invited her ex-bestfriend to my birthday party? She's my friend too! And the ex-bestfriend was allowed to show up at another one of my friend's birthday party because the girl said she's okay to see her now. We were all friends, and somehow, everyone felt obligated to side with her rather than remaining neutral between the girl and her ex-bestfriend. And now, why does the best friend make me feel like I'm wrong, like I am trying to "steal" the guy by standing in between the guy and the girl when it was the girl who was the one who betrayed me in the first place!

[talaniman]

Reread your last post, your caught in a web of deceit and you can't see the game, so don't play it. Instead of wondering run. Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend. You should know that.

[honeymustard]

I just wanted to clarify -- I was accused of causing trouble by our friends... not the girl (she didn't blame me, but she didn't look too happy about it either)... when I invited her ex-bestfriend. I found out through another friend that the ex-bestfriend was actually hurt. She thought I invited her out of guilt when I actually geniunely wanted her to come.

Regardless... you're right, Talaniman... when I look around at the friends I have, I don't feel like I can trust anyone. If I strip away all of those so-called friends, I don't have very many friends left. So I guess I was in some sort of denial and I guess that's why I still hang around them. And these are all people I've known for a very long time... since high school. I'm not saying that just because I've known them for a long time means that they are true friends. True friends are indeed hard to find. All this unnecessary drama really sucks.

Based on this experience, I can see that the ex-bestfriend is a true friend to me (we've known each other since high school, but we're not that close), because she could see that this web of deceit is making me very unhappy and she actually wants to be there for me and help me solve my personal problems rather than create more problems for me like the girl did!

[talaniman]

That's why its such a waste expecting them to change, when all you need do is make changes for you. Piece a cake. Find your own happiness.

[oneguyinohio]

Sounds like you've made some good realizations. For a little while, during reading all of the previous posts. It felt like an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 or something similar...
Life sure is better without all the drama and phoney pretenses.

[honeymustard]

Yeah, it does sound a lot like the soaps. It just seems so stupid. We're all grown ups and yet everything that has happened seemed so childish.

[awesomeguy]

First of all, don't call it drama. Drama is the semblence of life to create something real for the audience to relate to. Therefore, it's not drama at all, especially because you're living it.

Secondly, and finally, those people are not your friends. Ditch them before they ditch you. They don't care about your feelings, and they never have really invited you to come and do things with them. They are just treating you like . I've been in that situation (similar, not exactly with friends from way back). These people only want to hurt you. So either stand up for yourself, or leave.

[honeymustard]

I actually just got an invite to go to the bestfriend's house for New Year's Eve. So I guess they intended for me to come all along, otherwise they wouldn't have talked about it in front of me because that would be rude. And I'm sure there would be some people who might not say anything, but would not really approve of it and agree that it would be rude. (Just like nobody told me that they were going on vacation without me, even though I think one of the girls felt bad but didn't say anything and knew I was angry, but the only person I can really blame is the girl because she was the one who asked me.) But the New Year's party kind of feels like a pity invite. They invited me because they don't want to look like the bad person. Maybe I'm just petty and thinking too much and am just as guilty for being a part of creating this drama. But based on some of the things the girl has done, I sometimes really wonder if I should call her my friend.

[ordinaryguy]

Maybe I'm just petty and thinking too much and am just as guilty for being a part of creating this drama.

Yep. This is it exactly. You can find better things to create.

[honeymustard]

UPDATE: Recently, this group of friends have been inviting this guy to hang out with them. He makes me feel very uncomfortable as I have a feeling that he likes me. I try to avoid him because I don't want to lead him on, but I feel like I'm being an immature jerk. I continue to talk to "the guy" (the one I like), like I've always had before meeting this new guy, but I can feel that it makes the new guy upset. I've only seen this new guy a few times, so I barely even know this guy! I don't know why I feel so guilty. I want him to know that I'm not interested in him at all, but he never said he likes me and my friends never said he likes me, so I don't want to make a fool of myself. I have a feeling my friends may have been trying to set us up so I can get over "the guy", so that he can be with "the girl". I have a feeling this is what my friends might have said to the new guy:

"She's a nice girl. She seems to be the type of girl that you like. She needs someone to take care of her and you like to take care of people. You two would make a good match."

"The girl" has said something like this to me half a year ago when she asked me if I liked "the guy".

I should be grateful that my friends are doing this for me but being around this new guy makes me feel suffocated and very frustrated. I want to continue to hang around with these friends and "the guy", but I can't tell my friends who they can or cannot invite. I don't want to be like "the girl" (as you may recall, she was telling her ex-bestfriend whether she can show up at people's birthday dinners).

I should be very happy and flattered that a guy likes me, but I'm very frustrated and I can't force myself to give him a chance. Is something wrong with me?

I don't know what I should do. I don't want to hurt anybody. I know the new guy has a right to like anyone he likes, including myself, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

- Should I keep hanging around my friends, continue to ignore the new guy, and continue to feel frustrated and unhappy whenever he is around?
- Should I stop seeing my friends since I can't demand who they can or cannot invite and since I'm not happy anyway?
- Should I do something about this new guy? What if I am thinking too much and my female instincts are wrong and I over-reacted?

Thank you very much for your advice.

[hannah_nicole]

Sounds like high school dramas... everyone trying to find themselves and trampling others in the meantime. Act the bigger person and let her have him and ditch them, find new friends who really care about you and make you happy. One true friend is better than 10 fake ones.