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-   -   Dating for two years, should I expect more? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dating-two-years-should-expect-more-534774.html)

  • Dec 14, 2010, 06:19 PM
    sierra1357
    Dating for two years, should I expect more?
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. Things have been okay, however, I've noticed that whenever things are mentioned like getting an apartment or house or etc, he says things like having a bachelor pad. Before we discussed getting a place together but now its throwing me off with the inferences towards getting a place by himself. Even as far as future goes, he never says "us" its always "I." For example, when I get older me and my wife will get blah blah blah, its never like making plans for the future... Am I overthinking?\

    I basically want to hear just some of his plans to include me, marriage is not anything I want for a couple of years but I would just think we would be able to include me just a tad in his plans... I don't know, maybe am I asking to hear too much to early and should have more patience or is clear to see that I'm just a phase and not what he wants in his future. Any advice? I hope I explained this well enough...
  • Dec 14, 2010, 06:22 PM
    Wondergirl

    It doesn't sound like you are in his future.
  • Dec 14, 2010, 06:24 PM
    sierra1357
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    Thanks for the response... you think I should ask him directly if I am or not or just go with the flow
  • Dec 15, 2010, 01:20 PM
    commitment
    Hi my boyfriend sounded very much like yours even after 2 years with him, it was very frustating for me, I didn't know where we stood, then suddenly the truth came out he said we were friends... I can imagine exactly how you feel, its not fair on us
  • Dec 15, 2010, 01:32 PM
    sierra1357
    Serious or not?
    I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years, and I just don't know how to figure out whether he's serious or not. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't see me in his future, I'm kind of getting to that age now; especially if we have been together for this long. I mean we talk on the phone everyday, if I need anything he's there for me, I'm cool with his family and he's cool with mine, but I just don't know the signs of if he's serious or not. This is my first real and longest relationship. We've had our share of arguments (about his female friends, my male friends, and etc.) so I'm kind of scared that may have had a negative impact on our relationship. Am I getting to anxious wondering if he's serious or not or should I have patience?? Any advice is welcome!
  • Dec 15, 2010, 01:45 PM
    redhed35

    You don't give your age so the advice you receive would vary depending on that.

    So in saying that,could I ask what ages you both are?
  • Dec 15, 2010, 02:11 PM
    adam_89

    What are you wanting out of this relationship? You need to sit down and have a talk about what the two of you are thinking about. If you are wanting things to get very serious and he is wanting to just date and is not planning on being with you for the rest of his life then you need to be on the same page if you are planning on spending the rest of your life with him. What are your ages?
  • Dec 15, 2010, 02:12 PM
    sierra1357
    Im 23 & he's 24
  • Dec 15, 2010, 02:33 PM
    DoulaLC

    I agree with adam... ask him. Hopefully after two years you are comfortable enough to just come out with it. "Look, I've been doing some thinking and need to know if we are both heading in the same direction with our relationship. Are we serious enough about each other to be thinking we want to be together for the long haul? What are your thoughts?"
  • Dec 15, 2010, 02:48 PM
    sierra1357
    Considering that I am 23 and he's 24 and we've been together for 2 years, am I moving too fast, should I slow it down a little bit or what?
  • Dec 15, 2010, 02:59 PM
    pal_g3
    If you love him and see him in your future, just go tell him. You don't want to live with the guilt of not letting your feelings exposed in front of the person you love.
  • Dec 15, 2010, 03:02 PM
    Devorameira

    If your relationship is really a serious one, you should be able to talk to him about it. Just come right out and ask him where he thinks the relationship is headed.


    Tell him you aren't expecting to get married immediately, but would like to at least know if he sees it in the future.
  • Dec 15, 2010, 03:37 PM
    sierra1357
    Thanks, your advice will help me greatly!! : )

    I think I am going to tell him how I feel about, and also noting that I am not looking for marriage until further in the future, just wants to know if he basically can see himself with my years from now... thanks for the advice! : )
  • Dec 15, 2010, 04:06 PM
    feroluce
    The main reason for discord in relationships is that emotionally, men are simple and women are complicated.
    Women go with what they know and think men are complicated too.
    Men go with what they know and think women are simple too.
    Women read too much into situations and stew over them.
    Men don't read enough into situations and miss the obvious.

    It took me a looong time to figure that nugget out.
    Just talk to him, you'll find it's easy once you start.
    Make it easy on him though, try and keep it logical rather then emotional at the start.
    A sudden increase of emotion spooks men and their guard goes straight up. Trust me, I is a man ;-)
  • Dec 15, 2010, 04:39 PM
    sierra1357
    Comment on feroluce's post
    Haha lol oddly, that makes sense. Thanks for the feedback, I will def keep it in mind
  • Dec 15, 2010, 05:50 PM
    talaniman

    You are not in his future plans so get your own, without him.
  • Dec 15, 2010, 06:41 PM
    pandead
    (Long story alert.) Hope this helps.

    I fell in love with a guy when I was in college. A month after we met, we were exclusively dating and he was staying at my apartment almost every day.
    On our second year, he had to move away for college and we went long distance for a year. It's when I started to think about "our future." After a few failed attempts to communicate, he made me understand that he was happy the way things were. I was disappointed, obviously, but waited for him to change. 6 months later he asked me if I wanted to move in together the next year.

    I left my apartment, just to find out he got an apartment for himself, he said "you can crash here until you get your own." I was in love, so I tried to hide my disappointment. On our third year, we moved in together, but I was already bitter and frustrated.

    I married him on our fourth year. He knew he would lose me if he didn't take a step forward so he did it. Then he told me "we should take a break." First of many during our marriage.

    All this went on and off, for over 7 years. We got divorced a few years later. Now we're friends. He finally had his "bachelor pad" and his younger girlfriend is coming over to sleep there. He makes sure she takes her stuff when she leaves.

    Moral of the story :
    - Don't force a man to commit if he's not ready (some people will never be.)
    - Communicate and be ready to hear every answer, even if it hurts.
    - Don't ignore the red flags! Try to see things for what they really are, not what you want to see.
    - Don't be afraid to end the relationship if you sense a tiny bit of confusion or lack of motivaton because it only hurts more when you start accepting his rules just to keep your pain to yourself, and the same way, when he accepts yours against his wish.

    It worked out for everyone at the end : my ex finally has the life he always wanted. I dodged a bullet -and fairly early. Life has surprises for all of us so yes, I think you should expect more, but from the right person. Be confident, good luck!
  • Dec 16, 2010, 06:21 AM
    commitment
    You'll know how committed he is to you buy the way he speaks, better you know now then in the long run ! 1/ leess time will be waiseted if he doesn't want a futeure with you and 2/ your heart won't break as much, trust me I've been there! And with a baby , I shoud know ;-((

    Excuse the grammar as my little one was on me ;-) goodluck, your very young, plenty o' fish in the sea ;-)))
  • Dec 16, 2010, 07:13 AM
    sierra1357
    Comment on pandead's post

    Omg your story in the beginning is paralleling mine and we were talking about moving in together... It's not a matter of me forcing him to commit its just if we would let me know where he stands so I know where to go from there. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    Comment on commitment's post

    Lol I can't figure out whether he is or if he isn't by the way he speaks, that's what's throwing me off now. But I'm going try to just talk about it and see what he says... truth may hurt but oh well I'd rather know now

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