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-   -   Chronic Crushes (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=19108)

  • Jan 29, 2006, 03:06 PM
    angryraisin
    Chronic Crushes
    I've been in a relationship with a wonderful person for almost 4 years now. I love him dearly and would never jeopardize what we have. The most annoying thing is that I have found myself having crushes, the most recent of which has got me thinking about the relationship.

    This new crush is not a person I would have thought I would be interested in. The crush isn't based on looks. This person's lifestyle is completely incompatible with mine. For example, I would have to give up eating meat, probably wearing leather shoes, and the like. Considering the consumer whore that I am, it doesn't take much to realize---implausble. But I still have a crush.

    We work in the same environment and are going to school for the same thing. He, however, will use his degree not to make oodles of money, but to fight social injustice/ feed the bleeding heart drive.
    I've started to realize that maybe it's the passion he has--reflected so calculatingly in his life choices.

    Anyway, should I be worried?? I don't think there's a snowball in hell's chance of him returning feelings... not his type.

    What worries me is that I think I'm getting bored with my relationship. Same routine. And, this man who I love dearly, who I once thought lived with a passion or drive, doesn't appear to be doing that anymore.

    A proposal may be close... and crushes like this make me wonder if there is something missing.

    Arrggg... sorry for incoherent mess.
  • Jan 29, 2006, 03:11 PM
    nwsflash
    Quote:

    What worries me is that I think I'm getting bored with my relationship. Same routine. And, this man who I love dearly, who I once thought lived with a passion or drive, doesn't appear to be doing that anymore.
    Welcome to the board, I think you will find that you have given an answer to your question yourself. You really need to sit down with this guy and be 100% about the way your feeling.

    You need to tell him that something is missing from that spark you both had and see if you can both work things out. It is urgent that you both talk! Yea things die down after you have been seeing one another for some time, but its not good if you start looking for some one new whilst you are still seeing this guys.
  • Jan 29, 2006, 09:13 PM
    Wildcat21
    It's more of a massive signal there is something wrong with your current relationship.

    BUT, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh, QUIT reacting on your feelings and use logic.

    Seems like these days women fall in love with/crushes on baseless information. The do it by feelings and it ALWAYS gets you in trouble. HOW ABOUT SOME LOGIC here - you even state why this guy is not good for you.

    LOGIC PLEASE - like working out your current relationship OR leave it and THEN start a new on with a really compatible guy. Just not some goof you see ever day.
  • Jan 30, 2006, 01:10 AM
    PrettyLady
    Angryraisin, I really don't think you truly love your boyfriend if you are considering this other guy. It may be hurtful to keep secrets from your boyfriend that you have a crush on someone else. What you really need to do is talk to your boyfriend, explain to him exactly how you are feeling. If it means taking a break to explore your feelings and options, do so. You shouldn't stay with someone because their nice and you don't want to hurt them. Sometimes you have to do what makes you happy. Take some time to think things over, then decide whether you want to continue the relationship with your boyfriend.
  • Jan 30, 2006, 04:45 AM
    bizygurl
    I think if your seriously "crushing" on this guy, then it could defenitly pose a problem with your relationship. You should defenitly sit down with your guy and tell him how your feeling. I wouldn't mention this other man, but tell him how your feel that something is lacking, or that the relationship has become a bit predictable.
    Everyone gets bored to some varying degree when you have been with someone for a long time. I have had boughts of this occasionally(iv been with my guy for nine years) And the relationship that I have was the very first relationship I ever had. I think this is a very normal thing you are going through but you need to sit down talk to your boyfriend and be honest, if you don't this could turn into something that you don't want and it may result in losing your man.
  • Jan 30, 2006, 06:49 AM
    fredg
    Hi, Angry,
    You have some good answers so far, much to think about.
    Having been married for 28 yrs, and 64 yrs old, I do know that relationships take time. There are no "guarantees" in life, and dating does strange things to one's thinking.
    Being in a relationship with anyone for 4 yrs, or really any amount of time, dating, doesn't mean you aren't going to change your mind.
    It's normal, and if it were me, I would just continue with your life, meeting others, and talking with as many as you can.
    Talking with your boyfriend about this can help a lot. Eventually, something will "come up" between you, that threatens your relationship. The odds are for it, not against it. Talking with him is the right thing to do.
    Best of luck.

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