Sorry for the lengthy story.

Went out with this girl for 1.5 years. I was a good relationship but we had our ups and downs like many others. She was smart, kind, and had a great relationship with God and others. She broke up with me after our year and six ani because she grew tired of the relationship and I was devastated.

She was my first love and girlfriend. After the break up, she told everyone is was a mutual break (she wanted to protect herself) and we talked a little and it was nice and everything but it was painful as hell. She was showing mixed signals and I had hope that we'll get back together.

All of a sudden, my ex began acting cold and *****y. She began initiating contact and sending me weird messages and ending conversations early. We also attended a mutual friend's party and she was acting weird according to some of my friends and even avoided me (I wasn't planning on talking to her though). Her birthday comes around and I wish her happy birthday. She then tells me that her birthday was the worst one ever and she wanted me to help her stop crying. I quickly got into my car and drove to her house. It was her birthday, people will remember crappy b-days forever. I comforted her and we watched a movie. I even gave her a b-day card and a foot rub :P She was pretty distant from me and kept on asking if I was comfortable and feeling all right being there. She kept on saying "if you feel uncomfortable, you can go now." and she kept on bring up the fact that we're not lovers anymore. I decided to leave and she gave me a good bye hug and told me that I was invited to her pool party that was later on that week. Later on she texted me good night and that I saved her from having a ****ty b-day.

I attend her pool party and she was distant from me again and she was ignoring me. Ummm okay... then this is when everything turned bad. A mutual friend arrives and sees me. He's REALLY surprised I'm there. He asked "are you too friends now?" "Do you have feelings for her still?" I then told him yes and he told me something I wish I never heard. He told me "Dude, she's kinda whoring around now. She hooked up with a guy at *her friend's name* party 2 weeks ago." I was PO'd at the middle of her party and I looked at her with disgust. Her friend's party was only 3 weeks after the break up. He then told me that she's hanging with the party crowd, is drinking and smoking, and that my ex spoke to him during the party and that she gave him the idea that they're still involved, maybe as FWB.

The whole party, I was visibly disgusted and angry (I should've left right away) and my ex was wondering if I was okay. After the party left, I gave her one more birthday card and I left. I just said good bye without looking at her. Inside the card was a second chance letter and the card was a special one that she had her eye on when we were going out. I drove home very angry and I told my brother and my parents about my ex's recent activities.

The next night, she calls me saying she doesn't want to reconcile and doesn't want me to talk to her for the rest of the summer. I told her I was aware of her recent activities and she was speechless. Like she was trying to hide it from me. She kept on asking "who told you?" and I remained silent. I told her that I was surprised but there was nothing I could do about it anymore. I said my final good-bye and she kept on throwing the whole "everything happens for a reason" and "first love, first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything" crap at me.

So I've been on NC since and it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. During my run, she broke it 4 times. She wished me happy birthday. In her message, she said that compared to the gifts in the past, this one was the lamest and that whatever I heard about her could be true but to remember that I know the real her. Then she later texted me hoping that I read the letter. Then a few weeks later she texted asking "when are we gonna be friends again? :(" and she tried skyping me a few weeks ago. I don't know if she's trying to do. I don't know if she wants to be friends for real or is just feeling guilty and wants to be friends just so she won't feel that way anymore. I haven't replied to any of her responses. And also, I want her back. I know it's crazy but I do. I'm aware of all the stuff she has done to me, but I'm still in love with her. She is a very insecure and indecisive girl and I think that's the reason why she's doing all these things. She is and was very concerned about her weight and what people thought of her. She also thinks she's not very smart. Am I crazy for wanting her back? What should I do? So I try too?

I actually cried while reading your question :(
I feel sorry for you :(
Give her another chance ;)
Maybe she wants to be your friend again... Maybe not boyfriend but just friend!
If you don't feel so comfortable with her anymore or you feel that she is lying to you or something, then you can just leave her just like she left you.
Good luck ;)
Give her a chance! :)

It was a tear storm typing up my story.

And I want her in my life, it's just that it's painful seeing her and talking to her now. I'm tempted to break NC and trying to make things right again. And I honestly find her friendship offering fake. She would at least put an effort to it if she really wanted to be friends. I can't be friends with her if I'm still madly in love with her.

Thanks for answering my question. I really appreciate it :)

I'm sorry your going through this. Your story is just like the one I went through, except I'm further along than you.

I was with a girl for over 3 yrs when she came at me with "i need a break." I was her first everything, and she was my first true love. I went NC with her but got updates from others about her and it made it so hard to move on. Even after everything she had done to me, I really wanted her in my life still. I was still in love with her even though I was so hurt and felt left behind by her. You are doing really good by not responding to her at all.

She started to try to get back into contact with me after 2 months. At first I didn't respond to her at all. I really wish I would have kept it like that. I gave in and started talking to her again because I missed her so much and wanted her in my life still. It hurt to talk to her not in a gf-bf way.

I saw her in person and it was a whirlwind of emotions. We would argue like crazy one second then we would make out, then we'd argue again and start crying. Then we had sex, and that was the worse thing possible. FWB never works, the feelings are always going to be there. We would pretend like everything was OK, even if it was just for a little while. But after it was over it would go back to the reality that we weren't together, but the false hope kept me and her going.

She wanted to be friends, but being her friend was killing me softly. Its still way too soon for you guys to be friends, emotions are still too raw. Whenever you guys talk, see each other, or hang out you guys will expect the gf-bf things you had always received. And it hurts when you don't get them because you guys aren't going out anymore. For example, when me and my ex started texting again, sometimes it would take her hours to respond, and I would be wondering what the hell she was doing but I had to realize we weren't going out anymore so I couldn't say anything.

Don't give her another chance, you need to move one. She wants to be friends to keep you around, so that if something doesn't work you can always be her back up plan. There's someone named Tal on this site who says "dont make someone a priority in your life while allowing them to make you an option in theirs." you deserve better than someone who hooks up with someone else 3 weeks after the breakup while you were wishing for her back. Its hard but you can do it, make it eaiser for yourself by staying NC. Its been almost 5 months for me and because I didn't stay NC I'm still dealing with the ex. Chin up bruh!

Break up suck for all of us, especially that first one. The good news is you will over time and NC heal from this experience and learn some coping skills and the life lessons that will make you a smarter, more experienced person later. But for now, the wounds are still raw, and its going to hurt like hell for a while.

For now, just read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and get some excellent tips, and insights as to what your going through, and how to move beyond it. Come back with any question you have, and know your not alone, and we all have been through the same thing. Some of us many times and it still hurts every time to get dumped. But it will get better. And you will be better for it.

My school year starts in 2 weeks and I'm going to see my ex everyday

What should I do? We have so many mutual friends and I'm not ready to be her friend and honestly I think I can't be her friend after everything she's done to me. Do I ignore her? Or just be kind and say hi and stuff?

What are some signs that the dumper has not yet moved on?

You are hurt and it will heal with time but I'm not understanding what she did to you.
She broke up with you and did her thing. I think you are more upset about that than anything. You wanted her to be miserable and chaste. It does not always work that way.
She probably still has feelings and is doing the back and forth thing which is wrong, but you are saying you are disgusted but you want her back. So you are both confused.
Continue NC after a while the pain will not be so intense and you will see this as another building block of life.

You carry on as you should, awkward yes, doable, yes.
Polite but unavailable, but with as little hanging out together as possible, even maybe getting a bigger circle of friends would be better than hanging out when she is around.
There may be none and its more likely she will try to be friends with you any way as she moves on herself. Which she seems to have

I will be honest with you, as she has done nothing to you really but make you heart broken and mad, about the break up, as it seems the rest was your own emotions over it. She may have had a change in feelings, and decided on another path, but those where, and are her choices. You just need the time to adjust to them properly. You are emotionally thrown off, for now. That's normal in most break ups, since you didn't really see it coming, and said nothing until she was ready.

She was actually covering your butt also, so you wouldn't be embarrassed publicly about being dumped. I don't think that was ill will my friend, though you felt it was. You will go through many emotions as you heal and adjust, but how you handle yourself while having to be around her so much is what will define your character, so yeah, say hi, and don't them see you are sweating any of this, even if you have to fake it, until you make it, to a better emotional place.

The Stages Of Grief

Hope this helps you prepare for the feelings you will go through, and help you cope with them in a positive way, until you DO heal properly.

Do NOT discuss the past with her for any reason, nor act out of anger or impulse. No need to look foolish so think before you act, react, or speak. Tell your friends you don't need to be updated as to her actions, its her life, and you don't care what she does.

Stay cool, calm, collected, and under control, AT ALL TIMES.

So my ex had a rebound hookup 3 weeks after our break up. It was a long term relationship.

Even though we were broken up, do you consider this disrespectful? And does it really help a person move on?

No. You are broken up, and like it or not, fair or unfair, she is free to do what she wants, as you are. That doesn't mean it is easy to hear.

Not in my opinion, but people cope in different ways. You would do best to not sit and listen to stories of what your ex is doing. She is your ex, so what does it matter? I know this is hard to handle, but the last thing anybody should be talking to you about is your ex's actions. Instead, focus on your life, your actions and how you handle yourself in this troubling time.

My ex did something similar and it was the dose of reality I needed to finally give up all hope and close that chapter of my life.

Keep your chin up - I'm sure school is starting if it hasn't already. Keep to the no contact - just go about your life as if your life is great and she is the person that is missing out - and make new friends. Don't hang around your friends that are mutual too much and if you do, ask them not to mention her or her exploits - it will just make you more upset.

This will help you move on and not linger on your relationship. You are young and there are plenty of people out there that you will meet in life!

I know the pain when the only one v have feelings for can't understand us!
feels like sleeping at 4'o clock n waking up at 4:30 taking along ride for the place unknown n just keep crying.

but dude... v can never say what life has decided for us...

its fact that v can never give up one v love for anything.. but the other one shd know its value

give her a chance but only to b your friend. And accept that you have no choice than to give her another chance. One day she will realise what love is all about

in the mean while when u both become friends never try to impress her. might take time but she herself will know your care for her

all the best buddy :)