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    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jun 11, 2012, 10:33 PM
    My boyfriend hit me once. Will he do it again
    Before I started dating my boyfriend, he was very sweet. When we started dating, he started getting too possessive. He would object me from seeing my guy friends whom I have known for very long. Suspect me of cheating if my ph would be busy for too long because I would be talking to my mum. He did not want me to wear short skirts and objected to my style of dressing which is actually trendy and not indecent. He wants me to remove my friends from Facebook list and not text certain people too. Last week he saw me txting over dinner and started demanding to know who I was texting. To me its unethical for someone to peek in your phone and deemand to know whether you are cheating or not. And I have not cheated on him. He creates a scene in front of the restaurant staff and grabs my ph and starts checking. I cry in the car and he does not stop at my home and says he will drive the whole night till he gets an answer from me and starts bashing the car's steering wheel. Finally he agrees to drop me home and tries to barge in my house and I don't let him and tell him I don't want to see him agaibn and that I am not answerable to him. He calls me a slut and slaps me.. please tell me what to do..
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Jun 11, 2012, 11:18 PM
    Please tell you what to do? You and I both know what you should do. The second time he hits you will be even easier for him. Don't let there be a second time.
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Jun 11, 2012, 11:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Please tell you what to do? You and I both know what you should do. The second time he hits you will be even easier for him. Don't let there be a second time.
    I know what you mean. He was smashing his fist on the car's steering wheel and I shudder at the thot of what if that wheel was my face. He wants me to stay home, stop partying, not wear v-necks.. and always thinks I will sleep with the next guy I meet.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #4

    Jun 11, 2012, 11:37 PM
    How will he change his life for you?
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Jun 11, 2012, 11:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    How will he change his life for you?
    He won't change his life for m,e. He says he will love all his life. But his demands for me to behave the way he wants me to is unreal. He said if I marry you you won't be able to take care of my family if you have a career. Basically he wants to me to cut off all routes where he cannot keep an eye on me. He wants to know whch guy I talk to? Y I talk? If I have left the mall or work why haven't I informed or called him and if I am on another call, he will throw a fit and accusse me. If am out for lunch with friends or office workers, he will try to be uinderstanding, but enquire who all are going and is not happy if a male co-worker comes along...
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #6

    Jun 11, 2012, 11:56 PM
    Do you know why he is so insecure? Was he molested or abused as a child? Is something messed up with the love that he got as a child?

    He in turn, to be fair to you, needs to wear a three-piece suit every day, brush his teeth only with Colgate toothpaste, wear boxers with red hearts on them, and attend the local Lutheran church with you every Sunday morning, go to adult Bible class with you, and also attend church on Wednesday evenings during Lent and Advent.
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Jun 12, 2012, 12:05 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Do you know why he is so insecure? Was he molested or abused as a child? Is something messed up with the love that he got as a child?

    He in turn, to be fair to you, needs to wear a three-piece suit every day, brush his teeth only with Colgate toothpaste, wear boxers with red hearts on them, and attend the local Lutheran church with you every Sunday morning, go to adult Bible class with you, and also attend church on Wednesday evenings during Lent and Advent.
    He hails from a decent family.. But I think the reason for his insecurity could prob be his last relationship where he claims hi girlfriend got engaged and informed him of the same after her engagement... I have told him many times to get over his past, but he does not agree that that's his problem... and he has used name calling manyatimes such as you slut etc and when I tried to break it off with him, he would send text messages accussing me of already having another guy in my life so am not bothered. Jus 4 days before my B'day (in may), the one week I told him to not fight with me, he accused me of lying to him as he checked my fb wall and said I had checked in to a retaurant in feb this year and though at that time we were not on talking terms because of one of these fights itself, he said am sure you nwent out with another guy and lied to me...
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #8

    Jun 12, 2012, 12:11 AM
    Hmmm, it's hard to believe the situation with his ex would turn him into a controlling abuser. There has to be more to this that he's not considering or wanting to think about.

    Well, you apparently can't haul him into counseling, so how are you going to handle this?

    ***ADDED**** It's after to a.m. here, so I'm going to bed. Post your response if you wish, and I will see it in the morning.
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Jun 12, 2012, 12:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Hmmm, it's hard to believe the situation with his ex would turn him into a controlling abuser. There has to be more to this that he's not considering or wanting to think about.

    Well, you apparently can't haul him into counseling, so how are you going to handle this?

    ***ADDED**** It's after 2 a.m. here, so I'm going to bed. Post your response if you wish, and I will see it in the morning.
    I don't know what other reason could be the reason for this. He is prob one of those men who wants all to himself. His woman his way. Trying to be the alpha male and my independence is basicaaly making him feel inferior because I am more educated and sophisticated than him. We have stopped talking since the past 4 days when he slapped me and I refused to let him in my house... have blocked him from my whatsapp also and del his numbers.. coz I honestly am scared and do not know how to handle him and the dangerous actions of his..
    Have a good night's sleep.. :-))
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    WisperWill70 Posts: 277, Reputation: 84
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    #10

    Jun 12, 2012, 12:27 AM
    It doesn't matter why he has controlling, possessive behaviour... don't waste time trying to figure it our or decipher whether his ex caused some undue trauma to his psyche... the bottom line is that you have taken the right actions to protect yourself, - distancing from him and leaving! There is ALWAYS a next time, there is always deep insecurity and it often escalates from slap to punch to worse.

    Stay strong and do not allow his predictable "Sorry" (I'm so sorry, if only you give me a chance") sweet talk to change your focus on yourself. If you don't want to be in an abusive relationship you need to stay away.
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Jun 12, 2012, 12:56 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by WisperWill70 View Post
    It doesn't matter why he has controlling, possessive behaviour.... don't waste time trying to figure it our or decipher whether his ex caused some undue trauma to his psyche... the bottom line is that you have taken the right actions to protect yourself, - distancing from him and leaving! There is ALWAYS a next time, there is always deep insecurity and it often escalates from slap to punch to worse.

    Stay strong and do not allow his predictable "Sorry" (I'm so sorry, if only you give me a chance") sweet talk to change your focus on yourself. If you don't want to be in an abusive relationship you need to stay away.
    You are so right... He ds not deserve at all.. I believe in giving space and don't even call him if he is out with his friends so he can be at ease.. dont question him on his calls, and never called him names unlike him. Thank you so much.. o so wanted to hear this that what I did was the right thing.
    divineangel82's Avatar
    divineangel82 Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Jun 19, 2012, 03:52 AM
    I miss him a lot now.. I know he is the wrong guy, nut I am missing him.. and he is nt keeping in touch with me... I have not called him and he has not too.. I want to let him know what a weirdo he is.. shout at him, take out all my frustration.. but him keeping aloof is not helping...
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #13

    Jun 19, 2012, 05:30 AM
    You leave it well alone;there's no need to tell him he's a weirdo etc.
    Too many red flags-you're well rid of him.

    Heal,move on and eventually you'll find someone normal.

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