My ex hit me

kandy · Mar 13, 2006, 08:54 PM

The ex I told you all about hit me,Because I would not go back to him. He told me if I did not come back to him then no one would have me, So now why do I steel love him? I want to go back to him,So what do I do? I love this guy more than anything in the wourld. I just wish he would grow up.
He left me than is hitting me, And now I scared that if I don't go back to him he will hurt me or even kill me.

__________________________________________________ _______________please help me I need it

giggles · Mar 13, 2006, 09:11 PM

You know what you should do, you might just want someone else to say it to you.
You need to find some strength for yourself. Find some close friends or family and TELL THEM about it. It will empower you. Right now, it seems you are very vulnerable. And you might not think you deserve any better than this.
Would you like to see a child of yours in this situation? I don't think you would. You have to find a way to stay away from this man. Even if you tell yourself it's only temporary. Otherwise you won't be able to get any perspective, and feel any stronger. Otherwise, you won't be able to make any clear decisions.
Step one is asking for help, step two is asking for support, step three is taking time out, step four is making decisions. That's just my opinion.
You know what is good for you underneath all of your torn feelings and broken heart.
This man should know better,but doesn't. It sounds like he has too many problems of his own that would drag you down even further. He is actually threatening you. Don't see this as love. Its abusive, violent and WRONG. Love is not about negatives, especially ones like this, Kandy.
Yes this will be hard, but find a way to stay away from him, even if it means involving the police. This guy will only do you more damage, you know that already.
Do you think you are worth more than this? Then find a way to move through it x

Fr_Chuck · Mar 13, 2006, 09:31 PM

Do not go back to a man like this, he does not want love, he wants control.

You are in fear not love, you are scared to do what you have to do, and this makes you believe you want something. Having worked with battered partners in Atlanta for many years, it does not get better, he does not stop, he isnot really sorry ( if he says he is) If you go back it will just continue and become more often.

The only way to really be safe is not to go back at all and start a new life.

kandy · Mar 13, 2006, 09:51 PM

But I can tell my mom I have been talking to him again.and my friends will say I told you he would do this to you.my brother will go to jail if I tell him he will hurt him or even worse so who can I tell. I don't want to put him in jail I love this guy I have put up with it for 4 years and I don't want him in jail. So what can I do I lay and cry and I need someone to tell me what I can do

giggles · Mar 13, 2006, 10:00 PM

You have "put up with it"? You don't need this at all. Let your friends say those things to you, you know they're right! But also ask that they support you and help you, and are there for you. You don't have to choose this man. Look at the confusion it is causing you! I'm really serious here, you have to get away from him. Fr Chuck is absolutely right. In all of what he has said. This man is not good for you, despite whether you love him or not. Get out of it now, before this situation becomes even more painful for you, and you have given up asking for help. This is my advice. If anyone else has opinions they will write them here for you. But I really think you are spelling it out yourself. The way you have written your posts suggests you already know what is right and wrong for you. Please, listen to your instincts. Yes, it hurts to walk away from someone you care for, but you are at risk of losing your sense of self completely if you get back with him. You will be putting yourself in a stupidly dangerous position.

talaniman · Mar 13, 2006, 11:29 PM

This man has screwed you over so bad now he's kicking your ***. In your other thread all the advice told you to leave him and don't go back so now he's doing the fear/control thing. Call the police ,tell your family you need all the protection you can get from this psycho loser,act now,not tomorrow and then get some professional help because you need it bad.Anyone who can love someone who abuses them the way he has done you is in serious need of a lot of help,I beg you to heed what has been told you here and do it now to save yourself from the hell your going through! Your biography says you need someone who treats you the way you want to be treated,and my dear he ain't it!:cool:

Krs · Mar 14, 2006, 03:41 AM

You Don't need a man who wants to control you and your life, that's not love. Make sure you speak to your family or a friend you really trust don't keep this burden on your shoulders alone.

fredg · Mar 14, 2006, 07:54 AM

Hi,
Your feelings will only get worse, and your situation will only get worse, unless you do something about it.
If he hit you, I would call your local Police. Report him.
If he has to go to jail for whatever, then so be it.
Your life is a "mess" with this person; only you can change it. There are other men out there. It will take you some time to get over him. I know cause I've been in love many years ago with a girl, and it didn't work out. Took a year to get over her.
Please try your best to stay away from this man. Call the Police.
Best of luck.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 14, 2006, 08:00 AM

It is most obvious you have not been abused and hurt enough. I have sadly seen this in Atlanta time and time again. The women comes out of the ER with cuts, bruises, black eye and torn dress. She then goes on down to the police station and posts the bail for the man who just beat her up because she knows he really loves her and it was all her fault for being in the way of his fist.

You need seroius counseling help. First he has a problem and no he does not really love you. Next yes you need to tell everyone that will listen and not go back to him.

This ends in one of several ways.

1. he kills you finally
2. you kill him in self defense finally
3. you live with him getting beat almost every week or day for the rest of your life, living in fear
4. you have children who watch you get beat, who learn that is the way women are to be treated and they continue the process.
Or worst they also learn what it is like to be beaten, since if you won't protect yourself you won't do anything for the children either
5. Or you go to support groups of battered women, you learn the truth, and you refuse to ever see him again. And if he hurts you again you call the police and press charges.

The choice is yours, pick one of the above and that is your life.

Cgirl · Mar 14, 2006, 08:12 AM

I know that it is hard to tell your family and friends, you probably are thinking in your head that they will think you are stupid, but you are not, BUT you have to leave this guy in the dust, DO NOT let him intimidate you or make you feel below him because the truth is HE IS BELOW YOU! There is an 800# you can call for woman who have been battered 1-800-799-7233 or for Tennessee it is 1-800-356-6767, please call one of these numbers, they are people who have heard it all and can give you the best advice possible, if you are too afraid to tell anyone else. Please call, and BE SAFE!

kandy · Mar 14, 2006, 10:51 AM

Think all of you all. I told his dad, my mom and his mom, and they all told me that they would make certain that he never calls or texts me again. His parents are supporting me 110%that they are going to help me put him in jail. There for I will never have to see him again. It just hurts so badly, but I done it once and for all. So please pray for me I need all the help I can get.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 14, 2006, 11:31 AM

You would be stupid to go back to a man that physically and emotionally abuses you. There are shelters and groups to help women who are going through this very thing. You can get away, and you should leave. You need to take charge of your life. Do not be stupid. If this guy truly loved you, he would not be threatening you and would not be hitting you.

Joe

Wildcat21 · Mar 14, 2006, 01:25 PM

Ughhhhhhhhhhh another gal mixed up in the Bad Boy.Jerk... Abusive Boy friend. Not good.

Allison2321 · Mar 15, 2006, 09:55 AM

Take this advice from me please, I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and I have said all those things that you say as well. I understand you love him but honestly if a man loves you and wanted you to come back to him he would not hurt you. An man who loves you should protect you not hurt you!! You will be so happy if you break it off with him completely and years from now you will look back and say how could I be so stupid. Learn from this you only deserve better.

Wildcat21 · Mar 15, 2006, 10:26 AM

Why do women stay in abusive relationships?? WHY?? Verbal or Physical?? Why??

And abusive relationships can be worse.

Would anyone who loves you hit you?? No.

kandy · Mar 15, 2006, 10:31 AM

Think all of you all. I told his dad, my mom and his mom, and they all told me that they would make certain that he never calls or texts me again. His parents are supporting me 110%that they are going to help me put him in jail. There for I will never have to see him again. It just hurts so badly, but I done it once and for all. So please pray for me I need all the help I can get.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 15, 2006, 10:46 AM

I am praying for you, but you need to make that choice for change. God can not force you to make that change, that is something you need to do on your own.

Joe

kandy · Mar 15, 2006, 10:58 AM

He can not come around me again I made that choice he brook 3 of my ribs this time so I put him in jail but it is so hard to deal with I'm just 17 and I love him even thou he beats me I know he does not love me he has not showed me in any way that he loves me we had good times but the bad over wilms the good so I told him bye and put him in jail I love him but I had to do it

Wildcat21 · Mar 15, 2006, 11:14 AM

Hun, you need to figure out these feelings you have for him - because it is NOT love. It is NOT love.

Is it fear, or domination?? Do you enjoy the risk?? Does he strike fear in you and you?

This not love. You do not love him.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 15, 2006, 03:38 PM

I will agree, you do not really love you, you seem to be dependent on him.

Often abusive men make women feel dependent or that they "have to have this man" It is really a form of brain washing using love, fear and abuse to reinforce the behavior.

The longer you are with a man like this the harder it is to break away and the more likely it is that you would need professional counseling to understand all of this.