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    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 20, 2010, 08:22 AM
    2 years dating and now she wants space?
    So I have been with this girl that I have loved very much the past two years. She was very happy and always mentioned getting engaged but ill get to that. The past couple of months we have been having little arguments here and there. She has mentioned taking time apart so we can figure if we really want to move on with this relationship. Two weeks ago she mentioned taking more space because she is in her early 20s and wants to go party and have a good time with friends since she never had that chance too when she was 21. She says she still loves me and wants to be with me but just needs space to get negativity out of her head ? She said this isn't to hook up with a guy or start seeing other people she just wants to go out and have fun before settling down. She still continues to call everyday and sometimes text as well.

    As for the engagement thing a couple months ago (while I had the ring) she brought it up and I told her to not expect an engagement anytime soon. Probably not the nicest thing to say and I regret it a lot right now but I don't want her to know its coming I want it to be a surprise. Well after the whole 'space' thing we went out a few days after and had some drinks. The ring thing slipped out and she was very excited about it but I don't want her to feel I'm using this as a 'carrot' so to speak to get her back. I want to show her I can change my ways and be there for her by talking to her when she calls but since then I have called her maybe two-three times. I've spoken with her mom about the whole thing because I feel like a jerk for causing this when I really did have the ring. Her mom told me she has had a rough past and this is what she does to heal and also I should be lucky she is still talking to me cause past ex's she just cuts herself off from them.

    My question is what should I really do? Im confused on the whole situation because I really love her and if I lose her I'm going to feel horrible because I could have prevented this from happening.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #2

    Apr 20, 2010, 08:51 AM

    I would say hang in there. Not usually my regular advice. It sounds like she really does love you and it seems the problem stems by you saying that do not expect an engagement ring soon. That is a blow to anybody especially if that is what she is hoping for and you knocked her on her a@@.

    I know your intentions were well but that would have been the start of the whole thing according to what you wrote.

    Did you actually propose to her since she saw the ring? What happened. I am also glad that you have spoke to her mother which means the lines of communication are open.

    Give it some time. Chill out for a while. Keep things cool and give it time.

    Good luck with everything. Seems to me though she feels really special about your relationship and even according to the mother she is more open to you.

    Do not push, just go with the flow and let her have some time.

    Joe
    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 20, 2010, 09:09 AM

    Thanks for the response. I didn't propose but she knew something was up last month when she almost opened the drawer it was in and I freaked out. There are other issues the I can think of that led to this decision. I have some insecurity issues from past relationships that I have been working on while we dated and she always re-assured me of things and told me everything that went on. I felt sometimes she told too much but we were always open with each other. She still has Facebook pics of us and as well as at her place but its just hard. She seems pretty positive about everything and I do too to an extent. My biggest fear is losing her.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #4

    Apr 20, 2010, 09:17 AM

    The thing is if you try to hold on to something too tightly, they are going to squirm and try to get away. Do you know what I am saying.
    jmooney527's Avatar
    jmooney527 Posts: 200, Reputation: 83
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    #5

    Apr 20, 2010, 10:01 AM

    Remember that space during a relationship is VERY important... not just when you're having problems. It sounds to me that your insecurities lead you to "smother" her... sorry that I'm assuming things, but usually when you're insecure or have trust issues, you tend to be a little too "needy". I believe this is the root of your problem. And believe me I know where you're coming from. When you've been hurt in the past, cheated on, lied to... it affects you down the road. But giving the person the space they need shows them how much you trust them, and they in turn feel better about their relationship without feeling the need to constantly "check in".

    I know you fear losing her, but the best thing you can do is give her the space she desires. Also prepare yourself for the worst, should it happen. Working on yourself is the primary goal here. Instead of investing all you have in your relationship, invest some of it in YOURSELF. Think about you more often and what you can do to be happy (outside of her). Relationships come and go, but you can never leave yourself!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,857, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Apr 20, 2010, 10:09 AM

    Don't get so bogged down by your own fear that you push her away. Let her have some fun without you and back up, and enjoy the pleasure of having a happy G/F.

    She stays with you by choice, so share happiness, and not issues of insecurity. This is just a glitch to be overcome, and with any relationship, and even marriage, you will have many glitches.
    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 20, 2010, 10:14 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jmooney527 View Post
    Remember that space during a relationship is VERY important... not just when you're having problems. It sounds to me that your insecurities lead you to "smother" her... sorry that I'm assuming things, but usually when you're insecure or have trust issues, you tend to be a little too "needy". I believe this is the root of your problem. And believe me I know where you're coming from. When you've been hurt in the past, cheated on, lied to... it affects you down the road. But giving the person the space they need shows them how much you trust them, and they in turn feel better about their relationship without feeling the need to constantly "check in".

    I know you fear losing her, but the best thing you can do is give her the space she desires. Also prepare yourself for the worst, should it happen. Working on yourself is the primary goal here. Instead of investing all you have in your relationship, invest some of it in YOURSELF. Think about you more often and what you can do to be happy (outside of her). Relationships come and go, but you can never leave yourself!

    I'm sure you are right on the issue. That is the main reason I am giving all the space she needs now. Like I stated above she is the one that does all the calling and I respect her for that. She still tells me what is going on in her life and what may have happened at work or outside of it. This is a huge test for me and I am willing to work with her on it. The last thing I want to do is smother her.

    Jesushelper1976 - I understand what you are saying.
    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Apr 20, 2010, 10:20 AM

    I'll remember that Talaniman. Thanks.
    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 25, 2010, 05:31 PM

    Okay so an update on all this. She went out of town this weekend to go see one of her girl friends. She sends me text messages saying she misses me and wish I went but knows I couldn't. Well, she went out with one of her guy friends and she tells me that while she walked into the bar a lot of guys were checking her out and staring at her. Her guy friend got upset about it cause I guess the guys must have been staring pretty hard. I don't know. My question is -- is this some sort of ploy to get me mad/jealous and why would she tell me? I admit I asked how the night went but did she really have to tell me this? Also, I played it cool and didn't show any sign of it bothering me.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,857, Reputation: 10852
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    #10

    Apr 25, 2010, 08:10 PM

    I wouldn't let it bother you at all, as its only your fears, and insecurity fueling a bit of jealousy, with a knowledge you can't be there.

    Just keep playing it cool, as I think she wants you to be a bit jealous, and MISS her. I have no doubt she is watching your reactions very closely. Think hard before you act, or speak, and more will be revealed if you pay attention, and not be distracted by your own insecurities, and fears. How you handle yourself is a testament of a strong guy who knows where he stands and gets that other guys can stare all they want, but its you she comes back to. Females need to be trusted. So trust her.
    Dmncz's Avatar
    Dmncz Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 26, 2010, 05:27 AM
    Thanks. I've been working on my insecurities and I think this space has been good for the both of us. She has called at least every day she has been out of town but I have realzed after this space thing the things that may have bothered me before don't really anymore.

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