[Mingorange]

Hi,

I was with my girlfriend for 8 years and lived together for 6 years and own a house together, 5 weeks ago now she left me I didn't really see it coming, though for the 4 weeks prior I did notice she was distant. She has moved out and is living with her friend she insists no one else is involved, she is 31 and Im 32.

I've seen her twice now since the split and we got on really well and she told me why she left and that was she was unhappy, things like me working too much, being either all over her or cold, addiction, these were things I needed to deal with so I got help and I'm more or less sorted. I told her I really want it to work, we even were talking about getting married 3 months ago, she told me since the split that if I had asked her then she would have said yes.

She says she needs space now, but I don't understand why its been 5 weeks and she told me the 4 weeks she was distant she was also thinking then. If she felt as strongly about me before how can she change so quickly, and why does it take someone so long to decide ? I asked her straight out if this was some kind of game to wear me down so I just gave up on her but she said no. I'm happy to give her space but all the advice on the web suggest space means not getting back together, is it possible for people to really work it out and get back together if one of them says they need space ?

I don't understand why its taking so long for her to decide, she knows how much its hurting me, its pushed me to a near nervous breakdown :( this is the women I planned to marry and have kids with within the next 2 years and this is something she has always wanted. I've asked her why she needs space but when I do she says she just feels pressurized. She is very stubborn and I know the more I chase the more she will dig her heels in.

She seems very confused and sending me mixed signals, but I can't talk to her about it.
I mentally exhausted from it all now, lost 17lbs in weight and can't even sleep in our old bed :(

[Romefalls19]

She wants to see if the change is permanent in you. 5 weeks is not a long time and I highly doubt you are completely changed. Continue to get help and work on yourself and eventually everything will work out.

[talaniman]

I was with my girlfriend for 8 years and lived together for 6 years and own a house together,. this is the women I planned to marry and have kids with within the next 2 years and this is something she has always wanted.

Wow, your talking 10 years of putting someone through hell, you have to expect them to be disillusioned, cautious, hurt, frustrated, and just sick of it.

If I were you, I would leave her alone, and get my act completely together. She won't believe it, nor should she until she sees in in action. Worry less about getting her back and take care of you.

I really feel she is ready to give up on you, and end what she has been through.