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-   -   Poem with all this words (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=657526)

  • May 5, 2012, 05:05 PM
    Wondergirl
    So you will just add more of your words to your stanzas?
  • May 5, 2012, 05:07 PM
    mariapaula
    Well yeah like taking out useless words and putting in words from the article and alliteration etc.
  • May 5, 2012, 05:10 PM
    Athos
    Wondergirl, you're a wonder.
  • May 5, 2012, 05:16 PM
    Wondergirl
    I tweaked the first two verses (but am not finished with them yet) --

    In the north woods,
    We love our cabin, so
    In the early summer twilight,
    We’ve spent our weekends with birds,
    Trees and nature.

    The surprise of beautiful colors,
    Sounds, and foreign smells
    Make it similar
    To a powerhouse orchestra.
  • May 5, 2012, 05:17 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Athos View Post
    Wondergirl, you're a wonder.

    You're supposed to be asleep.
  • May 5, 2012, 05:21 PM
    Wondergirl
    If the list word is "opening," are you allowed to use "opened" (not really the same use of the word).
  • May 5, 2012, 06:59 PM
    mariapaula
    Thanks so much is really sweet of you helping me without knowing me, what do you want in change? You did a wonderful job with the 2 first stanzas!!
  • May 5, 2012, 07:03 PM
    mariapaula
    You are really WONDERGIRL!! THANKS!!
  • May 5, 2012, 07:09 PM
    Wondergirl
    Do you ever sleep??

    I've been working on them, trying to fit in more list words.

    In the north woods,
    We love our modest cabin, so
    In the early summer twilight,
    We've spent our weekends with nature,
    Including domestic birds in high trees.

    The surprise of beautiful colors,
    Softer sounds, and foreign smells
    Make it similar
    To a powerhouse orchestra.
    [Need one more line]

    We run to the produce markets in America
    That show the worldwide products of nature.
    There are no massive hunger games,
    Just globally good food.
    [Need one more line for this stanza]
  • May 5, 2012, 07:12 PM
    mariapaula
    What do you mean if I ever sleep? Thank you tell me in what I can help you?
  • May 5, 2012, 07:41 PM
    LadySam
    By George, I think you ladies have got it.
    Can't wait for the final draft.
  • May 5, 2012, 07:45 PM
    Wondergirl
    Isn't it the middle of the night where you are?

    For another stanza, am trying to fit more words in with what you suggested --

    Slapstick Stooges’ stellar performances of comedy
    [need something to bridge to the next lines]
    We must take care of nature,
    So that we may leave our children,
    In a better world.
  • May 5, 2012, 07:56 PM
    Wondergirl
    leftover words
    Braking
    Consecutive
    Debuted
    Franchise
    Opened
    Putting
    Record
    Rolling
    Similar
    Third
    Total
    Turned
    Whether

    So far --

    In the north woods,
    We love our modest cabin, so
    In the early summer twilight,
    We've spent our weekends with nature,
    Including domestic birds and high trees.

    The surprise of beautiful colors,
    Softer sounds, and foreign smells
    Make it similar
    To a powerhouse orchestra.

    We run to the produce markets in America
    Which show the worldwide products of nature.
    There are no massive hunger games,
    Just globally good food.

    Rerelease slapstick Stooges' stellar performances of comedy?
    Launch a modern Titanic from overseas?
    Debut the battleship of the century?
    Gross two million at the box office?

    No!

    What's the avatar that shows our profile?
    It's a glimpse of nature --
    To remind us that we must leave our children
    In a better world.
  • May 5, 2012, 08:02 PM
    Wondergirl
    1. I put the words into lists for nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs.
    2. I used your base of stanzas and plugged in more words.
    3. It was getting confusing, so I alphabetized each list and deleted each word when I used it.
    4. I plugged in more words and rewrote parts of it to make sense.
    5. I had a nervous breakdown.
  • May 5, 2012, 08:05 PM
    mariapaula
    Here is 10:05
  • May 5, 2012, 08:08 PM
    Wondergirl
    May I have an empanada now please?
  • May 5, 2012, 08:19 PM
    Wondergirl
    Did you see post #74 and #75?
  • May 5, 2012, 08:23 PM
    mariapaula
    What do you mean may I have an empanada?
  • May 5, 2012, 08:37 PM
    Wondergirl
    You said you speak Spanish as a first language, so I figure you know about empanadas. I live in the Chicago area with many Spanish-speaking people who would bring empanadas to us who worked at the library.
  • May 5, 2012, 11:13 PM
    FirstChair
    Just check'n this out and I'm impressed! Excellent teaching moment, the student was ready to learn and the teacher arrived prepared to teach! One observation... see if the lines are within the amount allowed, then again you might yet be working on it. A fine job so far you both have done with this poetic creation! Maria get 5 Stars * * * * * and Wondergirl gets an empanada! :-)

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