No, the thesis needs lot of work yet. Like I said, your best thing to do is make a good outline for the main points with details for each main point. Then look at the essay and see where there is repetition and where you can make stronger arguments for differences and similarities.

For instance (this is NOT an outline):

Topic for a paragraph--living situation for high school (list details) vs. living situation for college (list details). Are there any similarities? What are the differences?

Outline style --

Living situation
A. Similarities
1. high school
a.
b.
c.
2. college
a.
b.
c.
B. Differences
1. high school
a.
b.
c.
2. college
a.
b.
c.

Courses
A. Similarities
1. high school
a.
b.
c.
2. college
a.
b.
c.
B. Differences
1. high school
a.
b.
c.
2. college
a.
b.
c.

How can I put this essay on first person

Why would you want first person? It already is in places.

I need as a first person as I me myself like experience

Are you in college?

High school 12th grade

You cannot use the first person because you have not experienced college life. It would make your essay even worse and less believable than it is now.

Well I'm taking duel enrollment class in college

Online?

Yes maam

Will you please help me thank you so much

You have no college experience and no real clue what goes on there. Making your essay first person would water it down further and make it sound even more superficial than it is already. You would be better off spending time strengthening your major points by putting together the outline, as I showed you, and then developing the essay accordingly.

Well I'm in first year of college so it would consider as my college life I took some duelenrollment classes in campus

I've been to three colleges. Your essay does not reflect college life.

Well how can I make my essay my experience in college and high I need an compare and contrast essay

You've got a compare-contrast essay, but it's repetitive, poorly organized, and poorly written. Turning it into first person won't fix that. Make the outline!!

List all the things that happen in both kinds of schools, then compare and contrast using the outline form as a guide --

Textbooks
Teachers
Classmates
Living situation
Parking of student cars
Free time
Class length
Class schedule
Food service
Core courses
Electives
Majors/minors
etc.

Can you help my paragraph by paragraph

I just did --

Textbooks
Teachers
Classmates
Living situation
Parking of student cars
Free time
Class length
Class schedule
Food service
Core courses
Electives
Majors/minors
etc.

Be sure each paragraph has a good topic sentence and is on only one of the above subjects -- and shows high school and college similarities and differences.

When I was a high school I remember thinking, “How long for senior year”, “Can graduation come any sooner?” High school was considered as a lockup in my opinion it had horrible food as free lunch, high fences, bossy teachers, and the false idea of hope. I couldn't wait to go to college, now that I'm attending college as a sophomore, it made me realize that high school may have felt like prison, but it's nothing compared to all the energy college takes away from me and that's without anyone giving you orders. Even though high school and college are both institutions of education but, the transition among the two can be drastic and can take time for the mind to get use to the different rules, regulations and ideas that comes with college. Being a high school student is usually the happiest and most careless period of one's. There comes a time when I realize that college is a difficult period of my life, especially when it comes to education. Although college and high school both require hard work and dedication, college schooling takes more self control, responsibility, and more so a positive attitude about your education.