They say that "an alcoholic/addict is the only person who attempts to cure lonliness by isolating". I am personally very familiar with that trap. At one time in my life I had both ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and active alcoholism competing as to which one would kill me first.

It took what it took, I suffered greatly and very nearly died (enough of the dramatics!) but my point is I had to let someone in... and it turned out I let in a professional team for the ptsd and AA for the alcoholism - and to make a very long and difficult story short... it worked.

I wish for you Rublue, that moment of clarity too, that moment where you find it possible to trust someone and as others here have accurately said "let the help help". If a person has been there, and is now recovered, they may just be the answer you've been praying for?

The really sad part I have witnessed in the world is this: It is possible for a person to appear as if they are willfully defeating every form of help all the way to their demise. Having had a front row seat to this many times, I don't know to this day if its they wouldn't or couldn't "let the help help". So I try to be kind even when telling tough truths, if that makes sense?

Let's hope and pray Rublue that you will find the key to trusting someone before what's killing you succeeds. I really mean that.

Thanks to all who over the months have gave input to this post. I recently had a breakthrough of sorts with my problem. After many years of thearpy with the Master level MFCC, LCSW, I have been seeing a Psychologist finally. After intence weekly sessions & testing, I finally have a diagnosis that makes since. I never felt that I was truly Bipolar. The diagnosis is that I have a Schizoid & Deprssive pesonality disorder. After doing a lot of research it really seems to fall into place. This is really good news for me. For years thinking I was Bipolar, I was doomed to a life of extrem mood swings. This may sound strange but with this new information, I have new tools to help me whatever the situation dictates. And it explains why I am like I am. But as always God is the healer. And my faith I strong. I must admit I am a little bit ticked off for having to take meds that put me through Hell. Meds that made me much worse then before I started the whole mental health thing. Anyway thanks to all!! Keep it coming.