Well I am in a tough situation. I am currently 7 months pregnant. I am not together with the baby's father. I live with my parents, and he hasn't provided anything what so ever for me this whole time that I have been pregnant. He verbally abuses me, he's threatened my life and has put his hands on me before but not actually hit me. I've been stressing a lot and all I do is cry, so I've distanced myself from him. I haven't seen him in about a month and a half now and we barely talk.He had a Job at the beginning of my pregnancy and he got fired from it for argueing with his manager and his manager had called the cops on him and everything for threats he was making, ever since then, he hasn't been working... at 6 months of my pregnancy.. he found another job which he only stayed at for about 2 weeks and then quit. He hasn't given me a single dollar or been there for me. My family is pretty much the ones who have been consoling me and taking care of me, but he claims that he loves the baby and that, he's all he cares about, but he hasn't proven anything that he says, we got in another argument not too long ago because he wants the baby named after him and I don't want to and he went off again and told me he wasn't going to let them put whatever I choose on the birth certificate and he was going to bring hell to me in the labor room and all this crap, I don't want him to sign the birth certificate or any papers making him a legal parent because I don't feel comfortable with it, I don't trust him and I don't know what he is capable of.. should I put my last name on my son? Help please.

I guess you should get as far away from him as you possibly can. I don't know what to say, he sounds too horrible for words. He can't harrass you in the hospital, they won't let him near you in the OR. Maybe you should get a restraining order against him, report him to the police and once you do that its on record.

Namewise, this is your decision. I agree with tickle about the ppo. You need to safe guard yourself and that baby from him if he is abusive in any way. Good luck

First of all, he doesn't get to be in the labor and delivery room unless you want him there. So he will just have to put himself through hell. Secondly, he isn't going to be on the birth certificate unless you both sign a paper stating he is the dad since you are not married. Thirdly, you will be the one to fill out the name of your child, and I would definitely give the baby your surname. He can try to fight about it, but it will be costly and he will have to prove he is the father of the baby in court first, so it will be lengthy. The longer the baby has your surname, the less likely it will be changed by a judge. Also keep record of all voice mails, phone calls, emails, and other communications you have. Save it all as evidence of his character. I think you need to get away from him too. Don't let him in your home. If he shows up, call the police. Get a restraining order. Just be careful and safe. And best wishes to you and your baby.

Restraining order. Police reports. Record every single threat. When it happened, what was said. Date it. Be prepared not scared.

Joe

Thank you guys for all your replys. Yeah, I just don't trust him, and I don't want him on any papers that will give him legal rights because I don't know what he is capable of.I was actually thinking about recording him but I need to get a recorder. I had a lot of threatening voicemails saved in my cell phone, but my cell phone got cut off and I don't have anything now. If he does try to take it to court to try to put his last name after proven the father, and I say I don't want his last name on my son, would they get my consent before they do anything? What would they do?

It isn't easy to get a child's last name changed once it has been established without the consent of both parents. I would be willing to bet that you'd be safe from having to change it, especially if you can prove the type of behavior he has exhibited either through voice mails or emails, or even witnesses (preferably not family members, as they would normally take their own family's side against anyone). You can always say you fear for your safety and that of your unborn child and stay in a women's shelter until your baby is born... that way you have plenty of witnesses to any threats he makes. I know it isn't ideal, but if you are afraid of him, that is the way to go temporarily. Or at the very least get a roommate so you are not living alone.

Yes I do fear it very highly, but he denies everything I tell him about himself, We actually got in an argument yesterday and he said "I was probably recording him," so he hung up on me and turned his phone off, so that right there tells me that he has a guilty conscience and he's aware of the things he's done because I have not even mentioned anything to him about court, except that I have been too nice about the whole situation and anyone else would have probably taken him to court,so now he tells me "oh your trying to get me locked up,"... And I'm really not even trying to have a battle with him I talk to him in a good way and he takes things to the extreme, and he always is willing to start a argument and then wants to switch it around on me. I am so sick of it. All I ever wanted was peace, but since he wants to have control over my son's life and mine, there will never be no peace with him,he just wants to make everything difficult.

He definitely sounds like a loaded cannon, or someone who has a mental problem. You will have to take the first step and look into a restraining order, start recording and have witnesses, write everything down and have it witnessed.

With people like this - it boils down to a control issue. He wants control and his way of getting it is to threaten. He is nothing but a bully.
I would name the child whatever you want. Give him your last name - you will be who is constant in his life. Take the necessary precautions to protect yourself and your child. I would definitely take out a restaining order against him. Barring him any contact with you and your child.
As everyone has said - he can't come in the delivery room with out your consent. So, again, with that threat - he is trying to control you. He is using fear as a way to get what he wants. Don't fall for it.
Let the hospital staff know that he is not allowed to see you or the baby. If he tries to contact you there - call security.
As they say, the best defense is a good offense. Do not allow yourself to be blindsided by an "attack". If you prepare yourself - he is powerless - you have taken the control.

He will only be permitted to see the baby through the nursery window, he will not be allowed into the nursery or allowed to take your child from the nursery, so don't sweat that. I agree with NowWhat, this man wants control of you and what is the most precious thing to a woman that a control hungry man can easily threaten her with? That's right, their child. Let him blow his piss and wind all over town if he likes, but DO NOT answer his phone calls unless you are recording them. DO NOT shout back (this perpetuates his control of a situation) or participate in his games, that is what he wants and if he sees he is getting to you, he will keep on doing it. If you want peace, do not speak with him, do not meet with him, just ignore him. If you want to protect your child in the future you need to have record of all the things this man is saying and doing now. If you just stand there silently and document every little detail you will see that you are watching him dig his own grave and jump right in. Best part, your hands will be clean.

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Originally Posted by MarMar27

Well I am in a tough situation. I am currently 7 months pregnant. I am not together with the baby's father. I live with my parents, and he hasn't provided anything what so ever for me this whole time that I have been pregnant. He verbally abuses me, he's threatened my life and has put his hands on me before but not actually hit me. I've been stressing a lot and all I do is cry, so I've distanced myself from him. I haven't seen him in about a month and a half now and we barely talk.He had a Job at the beginning of my pregnancy and he got fired from it for argueing with his manager and his manager had called the cops on him and everything for threats he was making, ever since then, he hasn't been working...at 6 months of my pregnancy..he found another job which he only stayed at for about 2 weeks and then quit. He hasn't given me a single dollar or been there for me. My family is pretty much the ones who have been consoling me and taking care of me, but he claims that he loves the baby and that, he's all he cares about, but he hasn't proven anything that he says, we got in another argument not too long ago because he wants the baby named after him and I don't want to and he went off again and told me he wasnt going to let them put whatever I choose on the birth certificate and he was gonna bring hell to me in the labor room and all this crap, I don't want him to sign the birth certificate or any papers making him a legal parent because I don't feel comfortable with it, I don't trust him and I don't know what he is capable of..should I put my last name on my son? help please.

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I say do what you want . If you want to name your child a name then give him the name your want . Even if you list the baby's father on the birth certificate you don't have to give the child the father's last name. If you don't want him on the birth certificate just know that under father it may say typed "unknown " if you are OK with that then you should do what you want to. His name on the child or on the birth certificate has nothing to do with him being a father . If he is a good father he is and if he is not then he is not . Whatever it says on the BC doesn't matter . He knows he is the father , that should be that. If you are planning to raise this child yourself then there really is no reason for paperwork , unless you want child support . If you want child support you should have his name documented. My ex's name was on the birth certificate but I never tried for child support from him cause I didn't want him around my child and I . So basically it comes down to your choice. One thing too , he can't make trouble at the hospital . They will have security escort him out as long as you clearly say he is a threat to you . If they have to they will have the police come and remove him. They can even prevent him from visiting you . You should talk to the hospital beforehand to ask all these questions so you know what will go on and what will and won't be done . The birth certificate thing. that should be kept to yourself.

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Originally Posted by MarMar27

Well I am in a tough situation. I am currently 7 months pregnant. I am not together with the baby's father. I live with my parents, and he hasn't provided anything what so ever for me this whole time that I have been pregnant. He verbally abuses me, he's threatened my life and has put his hands on me before but not actually hit me. I've been stressing a lot and all I do is cry, so I've distanced myself from him. I haven't seen him in about a month and a half now and we barely talk.He had a Job at the beginning of my pregnancy and he got fired from it for argueing with his manager and his manager had called the cops on him and everything for threats he was making, ever since then, he hasn't been working...at 6 months of my pregnancy..he found another job which he only stayed at for about 2 weeks and then quit. He hasn't given me a single dollar or been there for me. My family is pretty much the ones who have been consoling me and taking care of me, but he claims that he loves the baby and that, he's all he cares about, but he hasn't proven anything that he says, we got in another argument not too long ago because he wants the baby named after him and I don't want to and he went off again and told me he wasnt going to let them put whatever I choose on the birth certificate and he was gonna bring hell to me in the labor room and all this crap, I don't want him to sign the birth certificate or any papers making him a legal parent because I don't feel comfortable with it, I don't trust him and I don't know what he is capable of..should I put my last name on my son? help please.

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My son is 6 weeks old and I'm not with his father. I dated his father for about 3 months and became pregnant. He didn't want me to keep the baby and we are not together. I gave my son my last name. He says he will be in my son's life but hasn't done anything as of yet. I don't regret my decision. The father says once paternity is established he will change his name but I intend to fight it. He didn't even want my son and my son Won't have his name.

Well I hyphenated our last names but I didn't put him on the birth certificate and he gave me hell about that and he thinks I'm being spiteful and all this BULL but he doesn't see what he has done wrong.. he didn't do nothing while I was pregnant we didn't even talk the last 3 months of my pregnancy because I finally left him alone and then I thought he would change and he seems to be doing a little better now that our son is here and he realized that its not just a play doll but we still have our arguments like the other day he was telling me he was going to get a lawyer and all this stuff because he's not on the birth certificate and I was like go ahead... he acts like he's done so much my son is 2 months and he still hasn't done anything for him he just started working and school yesterday actually and I just hope it lasts and he really does try to change because he keeps telling me he wants to be a better person but I didn't see it for the last 10 months but lets see what happens.. I only let him see the baby like twice a week.. he wants more than that like for me to drop the baby at his house and leave him with him for a little bit and I say NO all the time and he gives me an argument I hate the way he thinks he can just have everything his way when he was never there... but I say don't worry about nothing let him think what he want but no one can take that child from you and you guys are not married and you have every reason to not have his name on your baby, by taking it to court he's just going to do you a favor.

D0 N0T discuss any more about your pregnancy with him. Don't tell him when you are going to the hospital so hopefully he won't show up. Warn the doc AND the hospital that you D0 N0T want him to have anything to do with the birth certificate or even see it and he may cause trouble at the hospital cause you do not want him there. The hospital personal are not going to tolerate him acting up in the hospital.
You can use your last name on the birth certificate.

Oh it already happened I had the baby 2 months ago I let him come for the labor and he showed up the next day and I had to get security to escort him out of the hospital because he started cussin at me in front of nurses and all and my blood pressure was already high so I didn't even argue.. I don't care what he thinks or says I had the baby I suffered and went through 9 months by myself so I make the decisions.. I shouldn't have let him come but I guess it was just the feeling that he was going to change I didn't think he would go that far into acting that way after he saw what I went through and after I gave birth to his son..