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Yea just before we split up we were making plans about what to do on our 1st year anniversary.
Tomorrow would have been a year since our first date and I'm just feeling so much pain right now, I know she won't even text or do anything regarding it.
Its amazing how fast life can change around.
Hello again, zoo:
Dude! Are you still sniviling over your lost girl?? You need to get yourself laid.
excon
So make plans to do something with yourself and celebrate you. I can't believe your doing this to yourself over a girl that you didn't even date for a year. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel the hurt or pain but at some point you have to accept this wasn't a lifetime you spent with her. A year from now you'll look back and wonder what the big deal was. Five years from now you realize that this relationship was fine for this period in your life but would never have lasted. Ten years from now you won't even remember these anniversaries or dates as being important.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Look I'm not saying break ups don't suck, especially the first ones but other then beat yourself up, what exactly have you done to make something of this break up and the relationship? Have you learned anything? Have you looked back and thought about some of the things you said or did and the reactions they got? Have you been able to pick up some valuable social tools that you can use in the future? That makes this worth while, other wise you'll just end up repeated the pattern over and over.
With all due respect, why would she? She didn't see this as even being remotely close to what you saw this as. She doesn't owe you a conversation on a date that means nothing to her and should mean nothing to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
But that's what you keep doing. You keep punishing yourself by feeding your jealousy, which by the way is an emotion you choose to accept at some point in your life because you thought it would help you or give your control, and it has done neither. But you punish yourself with these dates, what she did before you met her, what the church says, what her parents think and anything else. And again, and I feel like a f*ucking parrot here but again I ask you WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU? You are the most important person in your life and you don't do one thing for yourself as far as helping out your emoitonal and mental health.
Yes it is. Life is constantly changing. People will come and people will go. I'm only 30 and I've had friends, ex's, and even my own family come and go through out my life. Change is constant, how you deal with it is permanent.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Hay zoopp you have to realise although it was hard this relationship did not go for very long. It was never going to work out you need to be going out for a bit longer than this to be so upset. I know you are and obviously but no one who wenters your life for this short period can be worth the pain. I had my ex for 3 1/2 years and she left you just had a few casual months. Also don't think aboutn how 1 year anniversary is coming up think hopw lucky you are that this happened now and not in years time...
Yes its amazing how fast life can change that's how it is you are born you blink your eyes your gone... Life waits for no man and don't let it pass you by... Don't rush out and do anything just take a month and stop thinking about this try and be happy with no one and realise one day tere may be someone else in your life... As hard as it is to do that's how it is. Its been 3 monthd for e and I'm stilol not over it. My situation did not even involve any other people like yours so iwould have felt better knowing she left for someone else or some drama but all I got was I need to be by myself and grow. Now that's hard couldn even get angry at that... Now that's pain... Think about it your girl was off with someone else who woud want a girl like that she's not worth it you don't need a girl like that in your life. Idont even get to say ell anything was crap how do you think I'm handling it well this I what I say...
SHE LOST ME>>>> That's RIGHT WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND SHE LEFT, I wish I could be angry but she didn't even get me angry just confused and she has all my presents and gift after all this time, you think I don't feel crap with her walking away with everything I gave her and leaving me and telling me she did what as best for her...
You at least have a good reason to just forget her she had someone else that's when you say she wasn't worth it mate
Ah sh!t, I meant to dissagreeQuote:
Originally Posted by excon
You're only 22, you'll get over it. The next time you break up with someone you'll find it easier because of getting over this one. Life is about experience, the more you gain your ability to deal with life's little obstacles are greatly improved.
However, you did make me laugh with your storm reaches the shore bit. It's funny how all the soppy songs, and crap romantic movies come out when you've just broken up with someone! 99% of the time you think it's rubbish.
I agree it wasn't a very long time and sometimes I feel like an idiot when I see others on here that have lost their girls/boys after a 3 or 4 year relationship but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.
Like I said before if I hadn't texted her by noon she would get worried and constantly text me and friends to make sure I was OK.
We spent all our time together and I know this isn't healthy but it was both of our choices to do this.
Sadly as some point she didn't want it anymore, I think her friends had something to do with it, we had an argument over the text and we started talking, I joked about how her friends must want her to dump me and she said they did. Next thing I know she's dumping me 4 days later. I just wish she had of gave me the chance to show her how much she means to me.
It funny you mention that. My first true love was a relationship that lasted 3 years. After she dumped me I was confused just like you. I had no warning and didn't see it coming at all. But that's because I had no experience, looking back the warning signs were there and if I knew what I was to look for I could have seen it months in advance and not been blindsided by it. It took several more being blindsided by break ups to catch the signs. Don't be that guy and start learning now, not ten years from now.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
After the break up, I also remember thinking to myself "Will the pain ever just go away?" I thought that all the time. So guess what I got. More pain. One of the problems I had that you have is I constantly focused on it. Your going to get what you focus on. You focus on the pain and you will get it. That's allowing your brain to control you, and not you controlling your brain.
Tell your brain that you would like 50 minutes of focus on something else, it doesn't matter what you focus on even if it's just television. Then give yourself 10 minutes to feel the pain at the end of every hour. Is it going to work 100% of the time? No. But it will at least give your brain a direction and permission to feel the pain. The thing is once you start concentrating on something else your brain will follow.
Yeah that's one explanation.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Here's mine. She was so insecure about herself that she wanted to keep a short leech because you were desirable by other women and she knew she wasn't good enough for you.
You choose to believe the one you want but mine's the one that's going to build you up and help you overcome this situation. It's also probably the truth.
Two things.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
1. You know this wasn't healthy. So you are learning something from the pain. That's good news for you. Accept it and hold onto to it and give yourself credit for doing something positive by learning this lesson.
2. You said it was both your choices, well perhaps because of her insecurity, which recognized above, she choose to constantly be around you so that once again you could not be available to others. She monopoliesd your time out of her own insecurity so that others could not get near you.
She gave you enough time. If she was really into you her friends opinions wouldn't mean a thing. It was her decision and because your so blinded by her and her lies you try to blame everybody around her without actually blaming her. While it's time. It's time to place the blame exactly where it goes, and that is one her feet because she is the one, and only one that deserves it. She's not the lady you try to give her credit for and quite honestly she's not good enough for you. But it's time you start getting good enough for yourself because you didn't do anything to deserve this self punishment, so quit doing it and accept that you got dumped, just like I have been.. more then once, just like 99% of all other guys on the planet. It sucks that is for sure, but punishing yourself for her own insecurity, lies, and down right studpity doesn't help you at all. Plus it's not an accurate description of who she is and what the relationship was. I hope in the coming months, say 6 months from now you will look back and read these posts and see without the emotions you have raging at this point just how lucky you were to get this person out of your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Will be a year tomorrow and it's still hurting and hoping to hear from her? Sad... very sad... ur life got stuck in the past and all this while you never actually existed... can u imagine that?
No what I meant was it was a year today since our first date that's all, its only been 8 weeks since we split although when I think about it that's a 5th of how long the entire relationship lasted!Quote:
Originally Posted by diya
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Originally Posted by excon
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Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
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Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
Now that's funny.Quote:
Originally Posted by excon
I'm glad my stupidness is amusingQuote:
Originally Posted by chuff
:confused:
Part of your problem is that you have no other experience to draw from, as how to handle this situation. Your point of view is that you gave it all, and she repaid you with leaving, but the truth is you fell deeper than she did, so you hurt more and unless you accept this is over, you will akways be stuck getting over this. As chuff and others have pointed out, time will heal and if you learned anything here, you will handle the next relationship a little differently.Quote:
but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.
You aren't stupid, but quick to hand out those reddies aren't you??Quote:
Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
Get up tomorrow allow yourself to be sad for a moment, shed a tear or two... then go do something that makes you happy (that doesn't involve moping over her) surrond yourself with people that want to be with you. Let yourself preservation kick in. You'll make it, and be a stronger guy for the experience.
A big part of the problem + she was less emotionally invested than you thought she was in this relationship as tal has pointed out.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
This is all part of life, living and learning and you will do just that.
Thanks guys, the day is almost over and its only now at 8.42pm that I decided to cry, id been holding it in all day.
I did what you guys told me, I focused on getting my car cleaned up and worked on that for a good part of the day.
I have to say though that it wasn't a one sided relationship, I know it sounds like that but then again you are only getting the one side of the story. She was so sweet to me and knew how to make me happy. We were good together and it was her that was first to say she loved me.
Im coming to terms that it is over, its hard to know that the girl who once felt so much now wants to be with someone else, be it today or tomorrow that's the fact of the matter.
It just gets me how she couldn't dump a guy that really treated her bad many times, he dumped her. I make a mistake that I repeatidly tell her I regret and sorry for and she kicks me to the kerb. She even grew more and more distant and never once give me a reason for the coldness.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you really loved someone then surly deep down you would try and do anything to keep that person in your life.
Im just amazed how someone can go from being to nice to being so cold as to ignore me at a junction when I waved, I mean why would someone act like that for no real reason, I just wish she would give me an answer for that and then I could move on.
It hurts not knowing why.
The answers are already there for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Its simple and I hate to bring reality home but she did not/does not love you.
She does not love you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
She does not love you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
You do know why.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Well, I had to spread it but Geoff is 100%, dead on correct. The answers are there and quite honestly it's clear as day to the rest of us who have no emotional attachment. She did not love you. She did not care for you. She did not like you. You can hold onto all the good times that you perceive and what she told you but she did not care one damn bit. And again, the answers are already there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
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