My 21 yrs old daughter moved in with her two children. She has her own apartment but will not stay there because she wants me as her nanny. After working a full-time job I come home to a messy house, she is still in her PJ's, asking what is for dinner. She will not clean, cook or laundry. She has only one friend and they go "out", and sometime stays out until 6:00am. She is constantly asking or robbing money from me. She hits me or will throw something/anything at me, if I say I have different plans. She is verbally abusive, I have holes in my walls because of her having a fit. When I try to talk to her, she will start yelling and telling me to Shut up. My family hates her and I can not stand listening her always putting me down or telling me what to do. I think she is Bi-Polar, she is full of rage all the time. She will start a fight in front anybody that is visiting. My friends and family refuse to come to my house because of her. The poor kids are locked in the house during the day because she's still in bed. My grandson can't wait until I get home because I pay attention to him. What legal matters can be made? She's a control freak and I can not think of anything nice to say about her. Basically, she will not leave me alone. She calls me at work to make sure I come right home from work because she is afraid that she will be home with her alone!! She also refuses to talk to anyone, she says I'm sick! She is completely out of control

She does sound out of control maybe another sit down is in order explain that you love your grandchildren but you are not there mother.

Okay, I personally can't say much with regard to this situation because I have never lived it so I don't know exactly what you are going through. But from past experiances and seeing the same sort of thing with a few of my friend doing this to their parents and such I will try to help.
First off...
Yes a sit down is nice to have and try to lay out the law, I meen its YOUR home NOT hers but a sit down with no on going consiquences isn't going to do anything. My sugestion is well Set the roles out! Black and white!! No if ands or butts. Yes there are children involved, so it a little sticky to do but if you want your own life back and you want control of your Home again its what you have to do.
You need to sit your daughter down with and I meen WITH a 3rd party that can be an objective veiwer so there is no taking sides. And you need to state what you wish for your daughter to do, and a time frame to start and show results in, and stick to it! And if she is unwilling to fallow YOUR roles and TRY To HELP herself you need to put your foot down and use severe consequences, you can't hit rock bottom and see yourself what you really are and what your really can be when someone is there to provent it.
Your daughter is in essence youing you, she is controlling your home, and moching off you. Your taking care of the kids, your paying the rent, the food and for the children and what's she doing? Sleeping and partying? Uh hu! No way!! Is this what you want? Do you want to be raising your grandchildren instead of enjoying them? I bet you don't!
And I bet if you set out in black and white the rules! And your expectations, realistiacly! either your doughter jumps on board cause she sees your not messing around anymore and you aren't going to protect her anymore and you want her to grow up and be a mother and provider to her children just as you have to her, or she's going to leave, and yes harsh but in the end maybe the best for her, cause I assure after time on her own and having to do it on her complete own, she'll smarting up and come around.
You need to make her get a job!! Make her Take responsibility for her children, and if she's in your home! Responsibility for keeping it in working order!

Again Its YOUR home not hers stop letting her control it. Its hard to tell the ones you love the trueth and all but if you ever want to enjoy your home and grandchildren it's a must..
Not to mention if you think she's bi-poler ( I think its more minipulation then that) MAKE her see someone! Don't just let her get away with it.. shes 21, she's adult, a mother and a big girl... time to grow up and be responsible!! :)
Sorry if this isn't the adive you wanted but its alli have... I think.lol

People can only control you as much as you let them. Do yourself a favor; change the locks on all the doors. If it has come down to this, and she is violent, keep her out of the house. I know it sounds mean, but if she does have a problem, it's going to be hard to get her help. Like the old saying goes, you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it. Sounds like she has some growing up to do as well. I would tell her she has 2 options, get help, and be a real mother to the kids, or get the state involved to have them removed from her custody until she can straighten her act out. She has time to go out until 6am but can't take care of HER kids? She had kids, she needs to accept that responsibility whether she likes it or not.

Okay, my take on this...

It sounds as though she may very well be bi-polar (well maybe), but I am inclined to say drugs. It sounds to me that she may be addicted to drugs. I say this because this is how an addict acts when they are craving the drug and cannot get any. Also you say that she asks you for money and has stolen from you. More red flags.

Next raised voice, next punch thrown, call the cops. Plain and simple and I am surprised you haven't already. Have her forcefully removed from the home if necessary. Getting the state involved may end up having the kids removed from the house, and your care, I don't think you want that, so please don't call CPS or any agency like that.

I will keep you in my thoughts. I know this must be tough for you.

My free advice is worth what you paid. I would get DSS involved. They can help you get her out. YOu could possibly get custody of the children with their assitance until she can get her act together. They can also ensure that she received treatment - mental health or substance abuse. This is not only abusive to her children but you as well so you have a CHild PRotective issue and Adult protective issue. They usually with work with families if she will try. IF not they will insist that she leave the home and children with you until she is ready to be a responsible adult.