I hate my ex, more than anyone. Hate is a strong word, but I think it fits. He treated me like sh!t the whole time we were going out, and he abused me, emotionally and physically. He's a loser, all he does is sit on his and take money from his family for drugs. I don't like him at all, not even as a friend. Why does it make me sad that it's over? Why do I still want to talk to him? I still feel like calling him and talking to him even though I don't want to at the same time. Why?

And I'm confused, apparently he doesn't care for me at all anymore and if he does it's just as some friend, but on his myspace it says in big letters I LOVE YOU ***! It's the first thing you see when you pull up his page and there's still a picture of us on there that he won't take off. I've asked him why and he says it's cause he's "lazy." But he also tells me he's looking for a new girlfriend. How does he expect to find one when this stuff is still up there? Not that he's looking for one on myspace but people look at it. What's his problem?

Ahhh Answer!

I don't have the perfect answer for you Rocker. Only my opinion. Maybe someone will come along with a better answer eventually.

You can't be responsible for what you can't be responsible. None of us can. We can't truly control another person's actions, only ours. If he is still posting a picture of the two of you on myspace, then I would get more insistent with him that he take it off. It's probably best that you are not involved with someone who admits to being that "lazy" over such a personal thing as keeping a picture of the two of you on the Internet when you are supposed to be split up.

If he treated you the way that you say that he did, then you are better off with someone else. I am sure that you will find someone else, if finding another person to be with as a significant other is the interpersonal situation that you seek and desire.

You are young and at an age where you will be trying out many things to see who you are and what you want out of life. Relationships can be on and off at this stage as both parties seek out the same things as mentioned above. A relationship with another person may be the thing that should be taking second place as far as priorities in your life if you are seeking to find the things that matter to helping you to carve out your niche in life. I don't know that for a fact though, because I don't really know about the things that you seek for your own life.

You obviously care about him, even though he treated you the way that you say he did, because you write about wanting to talk to him and call him. There must have been some good things happening in that regard. You will get over him in time and be able to continue on with someone else, but you may never forget about him or the good things that happened between the two of you. It is normal for people to think and feel this way. I have had quite a few loves in my own life, with whom, for whatever reason, we just didn't have a good "fit" together. I still think about them. With some of them, we are still friends and accepting of the way that things have worked out. It is something that you learn to cope with as you get older and have more experience.

You may have quite a few close relationships in the next several years. When you find the one that is a good "fit" between you and the other person, you will perhaps have found the one that is right for you.

It takes practice and effort on the part of both people in order to maintain and sustain a relationship. Also, giving. Your former boyfriend evidently was not able to give of himself to you and treat you well as the good person that you are.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clough

I don't have the perfect answer for you Rocker. Only my opinion. Maybe someone will come along with a better answer eventually.

You can't be responsible for what you can't be responsible. None of us can. We can't truly control another person's actions, only ours. If he is still posting a picture of the two of you on myspace, then I would get more insistent with him that he take it off. It's probably best that you are not involved with someone who admits to being that "lazy" over such a personal thing as keeping a picture of the two of you on the Internet when you are supposed to be split up.

If he treated you the way that you say that he did, then you are better off with someone else. I am sure that you will find someone else, if finding another person to be with as a significant other is the interpersonal situation that you seek and desire.

You are young and at an age where you will be trying out many things to see who you are and what you want out of life. Relationships can be on and off at this stage as both parties seek out the same things as mentioned above. A relationship with another person may be the thing that should be taking second place as far as priorities in your life if you are seeking to find the things that matter to helping you to carve out your niche in life. I don't know that for a fact though, because I don't really know about the things that you seek for your own life.

You obviously care about him, even though he treated you the way that you say he did, because you write about wanting to talk to him and call him. There must have been some good things happening in that regard. You will get over him in time and be able to continue on with someone else, but you may never forget about him or the good things that happened between the two of you. It is normal for people to think and feel this way. I have had quite a few loves in my own life, with whom, for whatever reason, we just didn't have a good "fit" together. I still think about them. With some of them, we are still friends and accepting of the way that things have worked out. It is something that you learn to cope with as you get older and have more experience.

You may have quite a few close relationships in the next several years. When you find the one that is a good "fit" between you and the other person, you will perhaps have found the one that is right for you.

It takes practice and effort on the part of both people in order to maintain and sustain a relationship. Also, giving. Your former boyfriend evidently was not able to give of himself to you and treat you well as the good person that you are.

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Thank you for the time and thought you put into this answer. It's just hard to take in that a person that said so many sweet things to me is now the most hurtful person I've ever met. It's frustrating because I keep hoping that he'll turn into the person I met in the first place, but that's never going to happen. I know that but still I can't just let it go. I'm sure in time everything will be fine, I just wish it didn't work that way. As much as I want to know his real reason for keeping the picture on, it really doesn't matter. I wish my heart would think the same way as my head does.

Love is intoxicating, and it's hard to not have it in our lives particularly when we are young. I think that you are still in love with your idea of what your relationship with him could have been if... he basically were a different person.

I think we also have an innate desire to help people we care about, and walking away from an abusive person can feel like quitting. We feel like maybe we can be the "only one" who hung in there to help. The thing is, you can't fix him and being there for him will only perpetuate his disastrous behaviors. Like an alcoholic, an abuser needs to hit bottom before they will seek help. They can't be in a drama=infused relationship while they get it, so getting out of his life is exactly the most helpful thing you can do.

You also probably want the wrongs he has committed to be righted. You want him to authenticate your feelings. He's not going to. He simply does not have the capacity. Take the authentication that your family and friends give you when they say that being away from him is the right thing to do. Be honest with your parents about how he treated you, too. Their acceptance of your decision to part with him will give you more strength and support.

You may need to have some counseling not because there's anything wrong with you, but because what was done to you is wrong and is beyond our natural coping ability. I strongly recommend you pursue this avenue, as it will also hep you break the ongoing emotional ties you have.

You are beautiful - just look at your photo. Holy buckets. You will have other men in your life but not if you are keeping the shadow of one of them with you. Lighten the load - have a good time, focus on what is healthy and positive for yourself. You will find that the more engaged you become in your life and friends and family, the less you will think of him.