I know a 13 year old who claims emo, she writes terrible stories about murder, blood, rape and more, she says she cuts herself, but I am hundreds of miles away and only have recently met her through my husband, (its his sister) he thinks she disturbed, and tries to talk to her to get to know her so he can help her. She says she likes me better, and thinks he is weird. I thought it was a faze thing like the goth I went through in high school, but she claims to have slit her wrists over something (I think it is) dumb, not a serious problem that you would normally think is why someone would do such a thing. I have an inkling feelings that she is saying she did for attention, or to shock me, but if she is telling me the truth this is a dangerous situation, what if she is vying for attention and I take it serious, will she really do it? What if its serious and I don't do anything, will she really do it? I don't know if I should take her serious or not, she told me over an email she knows my husband will see, but said not to tell him, I am so confused! I told her she could trust me, but I feel I have to tell my husband! Attention or dangerous?

The whole emo thing is very strange! It amazes me how many of the kids in today's society cling to this deppressed state! They act like life just sucks all the time! Even kids who have a perfectly normal up bring are flocking to this. As for your sister-in-law. Has anyone talked to her parents? It's a serious situation weather she is really going to hurt her self or if she is vying for attention! There has to be a bigger problem! But I would say talk to her parents!

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Originally Posted by malleohheh

I know a 13 year old who claims emo, she writes terrible stories about murder, blood, rape and more, she says she cuts herself, but i am hundreds of miles away and only have recently met her through my husband, (its his sister) he thinks she disturbed, and tries to talk to her to get to know her so he can help her. she says she likes me better, and thinks he is weird. i thought it was a faze thing like the goth i went through in high school, but she claims to have slit her wrists over something (i think it is) dumb, not a serious problem that you would normally think is why someone would do such a thing. i have an inkling feelings that she is saying she did for attention, or to shock me, but if she is telling me the truth this is a dangerous situation, what if she is vying for attention and i take it serious, will she really do it? what if its serious and i don't do anything, will she really do it? i don't know if i should take her serious or not, she told me over an email she knows my husband will see, but said not to tell him, i am so confused! i told her she could trust me, but i feel i have to tell my husband! Attention or dangerous?

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Hey, I am 17 and went through something like she is. I thought I should talk to you so you can see how I looked at it first hand. I was depressed for years but I wasn't emo or anything. I hid it. I would secretly cut myself just because it hurt so much inside that I needed to feel it physically. One weekend it was really bad, and I almost did plan a suicide attempt, but intelligence got the best of me. When I cut my wrist, I almosted wished someone would see it because I wanted help sooo badly but I was too ashamed to ask for it myself. Being emo and cutting your wrists could be a "fit in" type of thing, such as if all her emo friends do it, she will do it too. But sometimes she just may be depressed too. My advice is talk to her, tell her you think she should see someone like a school therapist or a councilor just to talk about it. Or talk to her, listen to her. You are lucky to see the signs, don't take it for granted because it may be too late if you hesitate. Talk to her first about it, but if she does refuse... then tell your husband and try to take action.

That's hard! I agree with the user above! Try to get her into some kind of councling! Are there any other family mambers close by that can talk to her? I wish you luck!

I really wish there was someone close to her that cared, there is not. Just my husband and I. she seems to talk to me and not my husband, this upsets him somewhat, he says he is going slowly and getting into her head, but she says she does not like him. I know he's trying so hard to help. He told me not to talk to her about her problems but she is talking to me about things I see as problems and walling herself to my husband. He does not see it! He will be upset if I tell him I was defending him to her and telling her to talk to me if she needs to. Here's how it went, she was talking to me about little things like girl stuff, he was talking to her on the phone about important stuff, (I don't know what for sure) she mailed me a note that said she likes me and wants to chat with me, I wrote her back saying of corse ill talk to her but he's just tyring to help. And to give him time to be less intense about everyhting, (he will to) she wrote back and said that she slit her wrists over something (dumb) now I don't know what to say to her, I want her to trust me but he will be hurt and no one near her will help her without scaring her into more action of danger. (ie the men in the white coats) legally we can't go get her, her dad is sick, (not resposible for her ) and her mom would not let us take her, grandmother raising her, won't let her go eather, but she is part of the problem! Ahhhhhh I don't know what to do. I will tell her I think she needs help, and that I can't help her but I want her to talk to me to. (she won't go for help I'm sure)

Call her school you can talk to her counciler and tell him what is going on! You can get a social worker involved! It might get her out of the situation she is in! If you guys are willing to take her and provide a safe and stable home I'm sure that will be in your favor!

It seems being "emo" is the new shield of dealing with a difficult reality. Defining yourself as "emotional" means you can go to extremes for attention, love, life... "I can't be loved because I'm emo", "the world sucks so I have to be emo to deal with it"... that sort of thing.

The fact you need to determine is if this girl's "emo" label is just an act for attention, or the logical extension of an already depressed and negative person that needs help.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is find an excuse for the police or child services to intervene and take a look at this child and the environment she is living in. That can be a first step towards getting her help.

I have thought of this, I didn't think it would work, legally and all that, I will give it some thought and talk to my husband, I think replying to her again will make it worse no matter what I say. I am in to deep to go it alone now, I know he will be upset but I hope to get though to him enough to let me make those kinds of calls. (one problem tomarrow is the last day of school for her-counceller is out!) anyway I might be on soon asking for advise on to save my marriage,, so stay close by mrsjoseph06!

I was once emo not to long ago my entire life as I knew it was falling apart for a second time and I couldn't take it anymore the first time I starved myself second I cut and starved slightly I never wrote those grusem stories but I wrote pomes usually sad she needs help the way you can give it to her is by being kind and treat her like a human not like she's crazy make her feel like she's loved

It is me again. I talked to my husband after reciving a suiside note from her. I now know she is both serious and calling for attention. I wrote her a long letter telling her how I feel about her and how I want to understand. And help her. My husband was not as upset with me getting involved as I thought he would be, in fact he is encouraging me to try to help her to. ( I knew he was going to be I just was freaked out!) anyway. She has yet to respond but I learned that she said those things to me to call attention to her problems, wheather she meant to or not. I care too much to let her try to kill herself. I will be updating everyonce in a while... thank you for your support.

Personally, I think cutting is all for attention. If someone really wanted to kill themselves then they'd do it. There are a lot easier ways to kill yourself then bleeding to death. But then again there are some really messed up people around. I never really understood this whole emo thing. The tight pants, the hair in the face, I never found it attractive. I think some kids are too afraid to ask for help, but when a teacher or parent sees cuts on your wrist then you don't have to ask. But then again, I think people who cut are people who want to die but are too afraid to. I think it's both, definitely for attention, but if she's tough enough to cut herself I'd be a little afraid for her. Talk to her and let her know that she doesn't have to hurt herself for attention and the whole emo thing is annoying so it pushes people away rather than bringing them in.

That's great! I'm glad your husband and you are OK! I figured he would have to be your just trying to help! I hope you can help her! Keep us updated!

I cut and I'm emo, but its stupid to have your daughter cut just for attention... yeah I'm only 12! Hehe!

It is stupid to cut period.

Remember it is attention needing not attention seeking

But it sounds like you are doing a good job. Remember to look after yourself as well.

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Originally Posted by malleohheh

i really wish there was someone close to her that cared, there is not. just my husband and i. she seems to talk to me and not my husband, this upsets him somewhat, he says he is going slowly and getting into her head, but she says she does not like him. i know hes trying so hard to help. he told me not to talk to her about her problems but she is talking to me about things i see as problems and walling herself to my husband. he does not see it! he will be upset if i tell him i was defending him to her and telling her to talk to me if she needs to. heres how it went, she was talking to me about little things like girl stuff, he was talking to her on the phone about important stuff, (i don't know what for sure) she mailed me a note that said she likes me and wants to chat with me, i wrote her back saying of corse ill talk to her but hes just tyring to help. and to give him time to be less intense about everyhting, (he will to) she wrote back and said that she slit her wrists over something (dumb) now i don't know what to say to her, i want her to trust me but he will be hurt and no one near her will help her without scaring her into more action of danger. (ie the men in the white coats) legally we can't go get her, her dad is sick, (not resposible for her ) and her mom would not let us take her, grandmother raising her, won't let her go eather, but she is part of the problem! ahhhhhh i don't know what to do. i will tell her i think she needs help, and that i can't help her but i want her to talk to me to. (she won't go for help im sure)

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Why don't you? Tell this girl that you care about her and you don't want her to get hurt. You can be that caring person that she's probably looking for. You are, by the way, your husbands sister. How old is she anyway?

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Originally Posted by templelane

Remember it is attention needing not attention seeking

But it sounds like you are doing a good job. Remember to look after yourself aswell.

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What exactly is DSH?- OK looked it up- cutters
You're right I don't understand. My life's not the worst and it's not the best, but I've never felt the need to cut myself to relieve anxiety. It just makes no sense to me, if you want to live so badly then why risk your life? The whole attention needing/seeking, when you need something you seek it out, so to me it's the same thing. It's just ironic that she happens to be 13, still finding herself, turning emo and has DSH. Instead of facing problems, the world keeps coming up with disorders to explain them.

The situation has nothing to do with "Emo". It is called self mutilation and is a serious condition. It could be a chemical imbalance, bipolar etc.
Emo is nothing but a term used as a label for kids who listen to a certain type of music that is often thought of as a dirivative of Punk Rock. The songs are often sad, the clothing is supposed to communicate their rejection of what is popular. Often "Emo" kids are the outcasts and socially inept. In a group of said kids, ones with symptoms of strong mental conditions that would cause behavior like self mutilation, don't often find themselves at the center of attention. So they attach themselve to the fringe groups.

That being said, in my experience you can find kids who are very depressed and with similar behaviour among the popular kids, they just tend to hide it better, so they are not outcast.

Summary: Cut is not equal to Emo.

I think I'll stop right here, I'm trying to understand it, but I can't. If you want to live so badly, how is hurting your body going to help you want to live more? What happened to just crying it out and talking it over with a good friend?

If she wasn't looking for attention, she wouldn't have told you or anyone for that matter.
When people say things like this they get excited at the thought of someone believing them.
But if she were telling the truth about everything (which I highly doubt) if you tell your husband he won't possibly understand.
After all he has never been a 13 year old girl.