I can't believe I am even going to write about this so thousands of strangers can read it but I am going to try it and see what kind of responses I get before I make an apointment with some kind of therapist. I do not expect anyone to solve my issue (issues) is an e-mail. This post is a little graphic so if you have certain religious beliefs etc please don't read it.

I am a 35 year old male who has been married and living with his wife since 9-23-2000. We have a good marriage and a new daughter who is a year old. We tried for 3 years to have a child with no success. We ended up going the invitro route and it worked perfectly. Now, a year later we are thinking of doing it again and we need to go the invitro route again because I have what is known as a rathke-cleft cyst on my pituitary gland which has caused me to stop producing testosterone and lose almost 100% of my sex drive. I do see an Endocronologist for this and he has put my on testosterne medication which has helped a lot but not 100%. I still find it hard to produce an erection let along ejaculate to produce the sperm needed for the fertilization. My Endocroologist has psychologists on staff and they have talked to me on different occasions and recommend that I masturbate a few times a week to get myself back into the "swing of things". They said my wife can help me if I feel o.k. with that and I am but my wife works from 6:00am to 7 or 8:00pm and by the time she gets home she is exhausted. She is a lawyer in New York. Now, I have no problem with the masturbation and re-learning what will get me turned on and get me to produce an erection but here is the problem. My mother lives about 4 minutes from our home. She has ALWAYS been overprotective of me seeing as I am her 1st child and only boy. She helps out with taking care of the baby and usually picks up the baby around 10;30am every day except for Fridays and keeps her until 2:00pm or 3:00pm and then brings the baby home. My problems is that when I go to start masturbating I can never calm myself down enough to do it. Every time I hear a car go by I think it's my mother stopping by. We live on a pretty busy stret so there are always cars going by. I can lock all the doors etc but then if she were to stop over she would be like "why are all the doors locked and bolted shut? what are you doing in there? I could tell her but at 35 years old and in my own house I don't feel the need to have to tell her by personal business. She has always been a "force" in my life telling me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't hang out with etc. and I don't think she likes the fact that she has lost so much control over me by me living in my own home.
When I was in high schol and my first year of college I used to smoke pot. That was back in 1986 through 1989. She found out about it and freaked. She thought I was a big junkie and that I must be doing heroin and crack also. Anyway, to this day if I am up all night with the baby and then take a nap during the day she thinks I must be smoking pot again because otherwise why would I be sleeping in the afternoon? She actually had the nerve to come over my house last week with a bottle in her hand and ask me to urinate in front of her so she could get it tested to see if I was smoking pot again. I told her than I do not live under her roof, she does not pay any of my bills and she can't force me to do anything anymore. Now you can kind of see the person I am dealing with. Now if I go to masturbate and lock all the doors she will think I am up to something illegal or why else would the doors all be locked and deadbolted. I am constantly anxious and can never get "the job" done and it is delaying the invitro session. I know this was a little long and probably doesn't even scratch the surface but does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks for your time,

N

Lock the doors dude!! And take control of your life before it is too late!!

I at first thought it was a mother problem but now I see that it is your problem... with your mother. First of all, it is entirely OK to masturbate and if your mother finds out then, oh, well! Yes, I know, she has controlled and manipulated you all your life but that is YOUR fault for letting her do that.
You can NOW put an end to it for once and for all. Let her know that you are going to live your own life and do what you want. My husband has suggested that you go find a junkie and have him pee in a bottle and give it to her. That will keep her freakin' out for a while! LOL Hey, sometimes the best thing to do is give her what she wants! Let her come in the house and "accidentally" find you in the middle of masturbating. It may make her think twice about just barging in. Take back your power, man. She can only control you if you let her. What is the worse thing that can happen? She'll get upset? Good, the more upset the better. Give her something to really get upset about and then sit back and see that the ball is in YOUR court.
Good luck!
Patty

Both you and your mother need to adopt new attitudes regarding each other. You are still viewing your mother as an authority figure and your mother sees you as the child who doesn't have a mind of his own and needs her maturnal guidance to make it in the world! Her problems of course stem from her past life history and orientation therefore you can not have any bearing on her behavior. However you can take control of your own life, set your priorities, and create boundaries for others in your life. Somehow you are still trying to live up to mothers expectations and may be afraid to confront or challenge her. When she comes by and the door is locked be sure NOT to answer it! Don't answer the phone when she calls unless you really want to talk with her. Remember "You are in control only if you take control". These small measures may greatly reduce your anxiety levels. Just stop giving a hoot about it! Right now the important issue is the Invitro Fertilization! Check your diet and be sure you are consuming nutritional foods. Avoid alcohol. Masturbate as often as you want and try to find the means to have a sexual relationship with your wife. She needs to have pleasure also! Try to find something that really stimulates your libido. You may have learned to suppress many of your sexual desires due to maturnal overbearance. Look within yourself and see if you can find the center of your universe. It is likely that you have never really known your "True Self". Just tell your mother straight out "Look Mom! I'm a grown man and I just don't appreciate you watching over me anymore so please leave me be" "Mom really if you need to have a child go out and adopt one or go get a puppy or whatever, I just need to left alone OK?" I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope that your Invitro brings a wonderful bundle of joy into your home as well. Take care!

nickieyes,

I totally understand where you're coming from. This happened to my ex-husband and I. His mother is Portuguese and to her, barging in her child's home, unannounced was OK! My ex and I fought over this issue A LOT, but none of us wanted to hurt her feelings by tell her to start knocking when she visited us.
We decided that instead of being rude or getting mad at her, we would just lock the doors and not tell her. One day she stopped by and the doors were locked. She knocked and asked, "why did we lock the doors don't you want me to come in"? We simply said it's not you we're trying to keep out; it's all the weirdo's that are out there committing crimes. We just want to be safe! She thought for a minute then agreed it was a harsh world and the doors should be locked. LOL Hey, whatever it takes!
We got what we wanted without offending her and everyone was happier. Since then, when she visited, she called us prior.

:)

Hi,
You need to get away from your Mom for awhile. Don't call her, don't talk with her, don't see her.
Let things work themselves out, IF you both are not going to see some type of counselor.
Get away...
Best of luck,
fredg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by keenu

I at first thought it was a mother problem but now I see that it is your problem...with your mother. First of all, it is entirely ok to masturbate and if your mother finds out then, oh, well! Yes, I know, she has controlled and manipulated you all your life but that is YOUR fault for letting her do that.
You can NOW put an end to it for once and for all. Let her know that you are going to live your own life and do what you want. My husband has suggested that you go find a junkie and have him pee in a bottle and give it to her. That will keep her freakin' out for a while! LOL Hey, sometimes the best thing to do is give her what she wants! Let her come in the house and "accidentally" find you in the middle of masturbating. It may make her think twice about just barging in. Take back your power, man. She can only control you if you let her. What is the worse thing that can happen? She'll get upset? Good, the more upset the better. Give her something to really get upset about and then sit back and see that the ball is in YOUR court.
Good luck!
Patty

---

No they seem to make it appear as your problem, whereupon you end up taking so much of this onboard that it becomes almost indelible... So you end up having the problem with your Mum. Very subtle! These types are undoubtedly Psychotic for they get you to believe it is you!
Either way they will permeate your entire life whether you like it or not. On a personal level I have found that even if you attempt to raise or question the issue (s), it is approached head on with a further series of Psychological War Games, and so this goes nowhere. Maybe this is the point, and is the method in their madness.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nickieyes

I can't believe I am even going to write about this so thousands of strangers can read it but I am going to try it and see what kind of responses I get before I make an apointment wih some kind of therapist. I do not expect anyone to solve my issue (issues) is an e-mail. This post is a little graphic so if you have certain religious beliefs etc please don't read it.

I am a 35 year old male who has been married and living with his wife since 9-23-2000. We have a good marriage and a new daughter who is a year old. We tried for 3 years to have a child with no success. We ended up going the invitro route and it worked perfectly. Now, a year later we are thinking of doing it again and we need to go the invitro route again because I have what is known as a rathke-cleft cyst on my pituitary gland which has caused me to stop producing testosterone and lose almost 100% of my sex drive. I do see an Endocronologist for this and he has put my on testosterne medication which has helped a lot but not 100%. I still find it hard to produce an erection let along ejaculate to produce the sperm needed for the fertilization. My Endocroologist has psychologists on staff and they have talked to me on different occassions and recommend that I masturbate a few times a week to get myself back into the "swing of things". They said my wife can help me if I feel o.k. with that and I am but my wife works from 6:00am to 7 or 8:00pm and by the time she gets home she is exhausted. She is a lawyer in New York. Now, I have no problem with the masturbation and re-learning what will get me turned on and get me to produce an erection but here is the problem. My mother lives about 4 minutes from our home. She has ALWAYS been overprotective of me seeing as I am her 1st child and only boy. She helps out with taking care of the baby and usually picks up the baby around 10;30am every day except for Fridays and keeps her until 2:00pm or 3:00pm and then brings the baby home. My problems is that when i go to start masturbating I can never calm myself down enough to do it. Everytime I hear a car go by I think it's my mother stopping by. We live on a pretty busy stret so there are always cars going by. I can lock all the doors etc but then if she were to stop over she would be like "why are all the doors locked and bolted shut? what are you doing in there? I could tell her but at 35 years old and in my own house I don't feel the need to have to tell her by personal business. She has always been a "force" in my life telling me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't hang out with etc. and I don't think she likes the fact that she has lost so much control over me by me living in my own home.
When I was in high schol and my first year of college I used to smoke pot. That was back in 1986 through 1989. She found out about it and freaked. She thought I was a big junkie and that I must be doing heroin and crack also. Anyway, to this day if I am up all night with the baby and then take a nap during the day she thinks I must be smoking pot again because otherwise why would I be sleeping in the afternoon? She actually had the nerve to come over my house last week with a bottle in her hand and ask me to urinate in front of her so she could get it tested to see if I was smoking pot again. I told her than I do not live under her roof, she does not pay any of my bills and she can't force me to do anything anymore. Now you can kind of see the person I am dealing with. Now if I go to masturbate and lock all the doors she will think I am up to something illegal or why else would the doors all be locked and deadbolted. I am constantly anxious and can never get "the job" done and it is delaying the invitro session. I know this was a little long and probably doesn't even scratch the surface but does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks for your time,

N

---

Dude just stop thinking about your mom this way, You are an adult with a good life. Her job is done now and as long as you love your mom and are there for her in financial or other ways that is it. Her hold on you is done. Really you got your wife and God to answer to now and NOW one else dude. Really stop thinking this way and if she comes over and ask "odd" stuff of you just say NO. You must have your stuff together you got a wife. Like I said the wife and God are the only ones you got between you and the grave right now and look you are just about 1/2 dead, think about that how long are you going to give your mom the power to run your life?? It is all up to you ! I am sure you wife is sick of it too. I am a 47 year old women writing this to you. So I know get over it. You can always be there for you mom when she needs you for money or mental reasons for her but do not let her control you and your world with your family and wife. Really!

You need to move house further away from your mother - at least 15-20 minutes away. You need to confront her, if you can't do it in person, write a letter to her explaining that you are a grown up now and you need her to let you live her life. Tell her that she did a great job raising you but you need to make it on your own now if you think she'll respond better. Make sure she knows you still want her to be a part of your life otherwise it may backfire. If that still doesn't work I would tell her that you and your wife are having problems having kids because you are constantly worried that she's going to walk in (but say it without blaming her obviously).

Good Luck ;)

The only year this skips from 2005 to 2008 is 2006
The last year the OP signed in-------------------2006

A lot of these responses seem good. I have an overbearing Mother, too. Only, I'm 21 and currently in therapy to fix the relationship with her. To turn it into a healthy one, because right now she is suppressing my happiness, sexuality, freedom, independence, and will not allow me to grow up and enjoy life like an adult. I'm still just an insecure little girl and my Mother is treating me like her food. It needs to stop, so I can grow up and be happy. I recommend therapy. And perhaps she would eventually be open to joining you for a few sessions. Until then, have you tried doing the deed while taking a shower? Or, you could say that your muscles are aching and you're making time during the week to take a hot bath. Let her know when you plan on "taking a bath" so that she leaves you alone. Best of luck to you.

You need a plan. At least to start. First, write down sexual fantasies, do not censor yourself. You may want to go to a book store and pick up reading material written and or visual. You can achieve all this without the doors locked. Just store them where your Mother is less likely to find them.

Next, ask your Mom to take your daughter to a special Grandmother/Granddaughter event. Something that would have a definite return time in which you know she will not walk in on you. Make this special event for them something for her to focus on, rather than you.

Schedule a one hour or more massage time early the day of their special event. A real spa, no houses of ill-repute. I know it sounds a bit girly, but once you try it, you'll see the benefits. Don't worry about farting in the face of the therapist. It happens all the time. But a massage will relax you, and get your sex drive geared up. Exactly what you need.

Go home, with your mind on those fantasies. Set an alarm clock to ease you anxiousness. It will not matter if your door is locked or unlocked. You will have piece of mind, and relaxation. Everyone deserves to pamper themselves, a trip to the spa, a secure environment for masturbation. Its healthy, and you need it.

You may have to schedule a few of these outings. You may want to include your wife in future massage sessions. There are places that do couples massages. If just to keep the intimacy alive between the two of you. It's hard when you have children to keep the romance going. Especially when one child is an adult (your mom).

If your Mom is curious of your motives, maybe a hint of the truth.

"I'm uncomfortable with going into details, but I want to give you another Grandchild. Just that it is not always easy. Sometimes nature needs help. I do not want to go any farther discussing this. Please respect that Mom"

The idea of more Grandchildren to love may be just enough to shut her down. (after the thousandth "I don't need you to add more to this stress, Mom.")

Sorry think I hit the wrong button, as I was saying I got paranoid about being caught in my own house, but I had always been afraid due to previous trauma and way I think smoking the pot just made it worse.

Anyway, I just wondered if you ever solved your issues, did you have another kid etc. my heart goes out to you and I hope your life got better.

Bethany