I'm seeing my parent's die before my eyes
For those you you who know of me, I'm Meg. I'm 21 and for the record I do not have much of a relationship with my parent's.
My father was verbally abusive to me from my early teens to my 20's. He never thought I did anything right and I was always a screw up to him. He treated me very badly and here and there would through things at me or pull my hair.
Today my father and I get together once or twice a month to see my mom and just hangout. I don't really do this because I want to. Mostly I do it, because I don't want to regret not doing it down the road. He's appologied for the bad father he was, he came clean about a lot of things and I think I forgive him. But I will not forget. He made me into a weak, scared, self-esteemless women. Because of him and having no parent's I was a depressed girl and didn't care about life. So I can't forget.
My father has smoked for at least 30 years. Ciggs and pot. (I never saw the pot until yesterday!) But he has had melinoma before and now he has it again in his neck. He just told me yesterday. He said he isn't going to take treatments and that he should have anywhere from 3 months to a year to live.
My mother was never there for me. She never understood me or my problems. I couldn't talk to her girl to girl. I had to figure stuff out or not on my own. When I had my period for the first time, I wasn't happy and she didn't comfort me or explain what it was. She was always too busy to be my mom. Even though being busy was doing nothing. Cooking, laundry or just stiing on her bum reading the bible.
My mom has Pick's. She's been a bit ''off'' all her life. Or all mine at least. She and dad would fight because she didn't understand something simple and he didn't have the love or pacience to help understand her. She drove my grandpa to the edge. When we all lived with him before he died a year ago (god rest his soul) she and he would get into fights and one time I had to call the cops on her... I had to for my grandpa's safety. My dad blames my mom for my grandpa dying. It may have added to his problems, but I'm not going to blame anyone.
Anyway, my mom is now in a home for people with altztimers and Pick's. Basically the nut house. She's happy there, but she doesn't remember a lot of things. Soon she woln't remember me, just like my grandpa before he died. She is too young for the illness and the information says that people like her live for 2-5 years. If they are lucky 10. (on another note, here is a link to my post about my mom having picks)https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...cks-54132.html
So even though its not really a question, I just needed to write it all down and maybe one of you have some advice on how to deal with it. Or just kind words. Let me say, I love my parent's even though some people wouldn't if they were in my shoes. My fiancé hates my dad and doesn't understand why I still care. I care because I was raised to love everyone even those who hurt you. I was a christian for 18 years and even though I'm not currently I still follow the main guidelines. I love my parent's because they made me and my life possible. But I don't and can't love them as a parent and a child loves each other when the actually have a relationship. It's hard to be 21 and see both my parent's close to death. It's hard to know that my whole family hate's each other and that people can be mean and those people are in my family. I'm ashamed. I will miss my parent's but only because of the possibilities their not being ill may have brung.
I miss you mom. Dad. And most of all... grandpa. Thank you guys.