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-   -   Not just another 19 year old breakup (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=98300)

  • Jun 3, 2007, 11:19 PM
    chclause
    Not just another 19 year old breakup
    Ok so where to start... heres my story,

    Im 19 years old and I've been steady with the girl of my dreams for just over a year now. Recently we broke up. Ive read a lot of the other posts in this forum prior to posting, so I will skip to the points that are really important. I met her my senior year of high school, and from there we became lovers and best friends. I was that "bad boy" that turned out to be a"nice guy" for her (qouted from her own mouth not two days ago). Im trying to skip all the bull but I really love this girl... we obviously had something special going as we decided to stay together over a long distance; as I went off to college (she is 18). Everything could'nt have gone better throughout the school year to my surprise! I thought the summer was going to be another great one. Then her graduation came around. She is a very talented athlete who is going on scholarship to play for a division 2 ncaa school about 3 hours from my school.

    Then the hit the fan, about a day after her graduation we had a talk about our relationship and where it was going. We got into some akward talk about the future. She poured her heart out to me about how much she had grown up because of me. I had opened her to the world of the "alcohol fueled social life" and her summer volleyball program had helped her meet a bunch of hot little flirty sluts (pardon my jargon). Her parents had sheltered her a little too much and she had never done anything remotely rebellious until she met me. Ive always told her that she was beautiful and special and she has grown physically a lot as well... truly a late bloomer. The sex was great for both of us throughout. I did my best to not go mushy on her and be the strong one. She ended by telling me that she doesn't do half assed relationships. She said that she feels horrible that she is already so busy and can't give herself 100% to me especially with her new school commitments. I told her to think long and hard about it and to call me later.

    So that night she calls and gives me the akward "planned out" breakup talk. Needless to say I was devastated. I really couldn't believe it as not two days before she was the same as always. And please don't tell me that this was a long time coming as people usually do. I KNOW that she still loves me.

    She called today. She told me she hadn't slept and that her day was horrible, and I honestly told her that mine had been the same. She just wanted to talk to me. I let her do the talking. She went on to say that she couldn't lose her best friend and started going off on tangents about us forgetting the whole thing but at the same time telling me that she needed her space to think. I told her that the ball is in her court and that even if our relationship didn't work out that I truly would be her friend (and honest statement) forever, and that I still care deeply about her. She got teary when I said these things and then told me that she still doesn't know what she wants. She then told me that she couldn't talk about this anymore and I quickly started talking about other things. It was really weird for me because I was like nothing had happened, we talked about things that were coming up in our lives as if we were still together. After a while she said she had to let me go and I ended by asking her if "as a friend" she would keep in touch.

    And that was it...

    Im sitting here feeling like complete . I go fishing and can't get her face out of my mind I try and go out with my friends and its just not the same because I'm missing her. Basically I'm stuck between telling myself to move on and save what dignity I have left and waiting for the person that I truly love and who I really do feel loves me back.

    I guess what I need to know is what the do I do now... Obviously I'm leaving the decision totally up to her... I do not want to pressure anything in any way as I already know that her family liked me a lot and hates her decision. But what do I do?
    Do I go out every night and party and get some tagged pics of me drunk up on Facebook? The last thing I want is to make her feel like I'm done with her... bc I'm not. But I also know that women don't like pussies, and so I don't want to act like I can't get over it and hibernate at my house.

    When she calls again how do I act?

    I want nothing more then to have my baby back...

    All suggestions and/or comments are deeply appreciated.

    Thank you
  • Jun 4, 2007, 01:11 AM
    Tyne26
    U can't be friends as you still want to be more than that, she is trying to do that to soften the blow of the break up. It was her decision to break it off, you can't do anything. If you contact her you will annoy her, leave her be and if she wants to come back then she will be in contact with you. Show you are strong. Ur still young go out with your mates and pull other girls
  • Jun 4, 2007, 05:14 AM
    TrueFaith
    Hey man

    All brakups are sudden strange and out of the blue.. one day its all great.. and the next.. bam.

    It's a sad thing she did it over the phone.. would have thought she would have had more guts than that.. don't be friends with her.. he is trying to make her self feel not so guilty about the whole thing.. I have been there before man. And it will be hard for the first few weeks or months.. but.. you will get over this.. I know it's a corny line and all your mates have probable said that to you.. but its true.. soon her face will fade out of your mind.. and once you meet someone else.. well then she will be all you see.

    Best thing for you to do is.. go out do things that makes you happy. And its OK to feel upset. Take it day by day.. feel sad feel hurt.. feel angry.. then the next day.. be happy

    Hope it all works out for you

    Regards
  • Jun 4, 2007, 05:15 AM
    mckenzie134
    Its time for the waiting game!!

    Give her space. Wait it out. NO CALLS... Do Nothing This includes No answering for a couple of days or at least 4 calls!!

    Show her what it is like without you!!

    This is a must sh must MUST realise what it is going to be like to not have you in her life!!

    If she comes back then great if not she never truly wanted you and this will save years of her breaking up again in 3 years!!
  • Jun 4, 2007, 05:39 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Let me see, you took a nice girl who did not go out dinking, and taught her about drinking parties, then expected her not to do it when you were not there??

    So you basically started down a path she had not went before and she liked it. So while you were settling down and growing up, she was experiencing the taste of wild life. And likes it.

    Time to move on, with new girls from your own school and learn a lessons in life.
  • Jun 4, 2007, 01:35 PM
    chclause
    Thank you for the advice all

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