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-   -   My ex dumped me and I feel like I can't move on (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=9815)

  • May 22, 2005, 03:38 PM
    chalupa67
    My ex dumped me and I feel like I cant move on
    OK well about 3 weeks ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me. I have known this girl for 2 years and I can't get her out of my mind. She said she broke up with me because she needed to be alone and she didn't want to be with anyone right now but she said she still loves me. Im not sure if I should move on or wait it out to see if she will eventually miss me and find out that she really misses me and wants me back. I wish I knew what to do to make this easier for me. I have never hurt or cried this bad before and I really feel like I might love this girl. She has been MY life for almost 2 years. I feel like what goes around comes around though because a year ago while we were going out I dumped her because I wanted space but 4 months later we got back together because we missed each other and I reeally fell in love with her this time around and I think its because I'm more mature about it. I just really hope that with time she will discover how much fun we had together and how much she loves me. I just don't know what to do or who to talk to and it hurts so much. I was just wondering if anyone else has been through this before and what the outcome of the situation was?
  • May 22, 2005, 06:01 PM
    Wildcat21
    DON'T CALL HER!! Wait TWO months - it will be hard.

    IF she calls don't answer - return her calls a little latter.

    You need to learn how to manage a relationship. I have a strong feeling you got LAZY in the relatinship - too available.

    You see -you feel this way because you made her your life. Woman HATE that. You stopped being a challenge. WOMAN CAN NEVER BE YOUR LIFE!! EVER - THEY ARE PART OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ALWAYS NEED TO ACT LIKE IF THEY LEFT YOU WOULD BE OK WITH IT.

    You need other things in your life - friends, family, work, school, hobbies, etc.

    I HAVE A STRONG Feeling GYOU SHARED WAY TOO OFTEN HOW YOU FELT ABOUT HER?

    Go to this website: relationships.blog-city .com

    LEARN about relationships. Learn to become a challenge again.

    What I've Learned About Women **


    GET A HOBBY:

    Join a gym, learn to play a guitar, whatever... just don't let your
    Life revolve around women.


    SHUT UP:

    The less women know about you, the more they want to know. Keep your
    Problems (every kind of problem) to yourself, stop whining and
    b!tching about everything, have a positive outlook on everything,
    Don't be a pessimist.


    WHAT TO TALK ABOUT:

    Go with the flow... the conversation has to be about 70% her and 30%
    You. Talk about her favorite subject--herself. Ask open-ended
    Questions (why, how, etc.).


    LISTEN:

    Listen to what she has to say but never change your beliefs for a
    Girl. Pay attention to what she says, she'll drop hints as to what
    She wants to talk about. NEVER give a girl a direct answer, unless
    The answer is no. Let her work to deserve the information you
    Gradually reveal about yourself. Immediately direct the conversation
    Towards her when you don't want to answer more of her annoying
    Questions... bust on her by saying something like: "Come on, you can
    do better than that... let's leave those questions for when we are
    married."


    BE DIRECT:

    Don't beat around the bush. If you call a girl to ask her out, do it
    Immediately after she answers; the longer you wait, the harder it will
    Be. And never use the phrase "would you like to", that's begging.
    Instead use "let's." "Let's go to the lake next weekend"
    Sounds
    Better than "Would you like to go to the lake next weekend?" The
    First one is more a command than a question.


    ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN:

    There's nothing worse than calling a girl to ask her out and then
    Asking her to decide on what to do. You are the man, therefore you
    Are the one who has to take charge and decide what the two of you will
    Be doing for the date. Make it interesting and different -- bowling,
    Miniature golf, pool, foosball, jogging -- anything physical is a
    Great idea because you won't have to do as much talking and therefore
    Will have less opportunities to mess up with something that you say.


    5 THINGS IN YOUR POCKETS:

    1) Gum for nice breath
    2) Chap Stick for nice "kissable" lips
    3) A pen
    4) Paper
    5) Your wallet

    * Always have condoms somewhere in your vehicle and house.


    LESS IS MORE:

    When dealing with women, less is better than more. Compliment them
    Less (only sparingly and when they have been nice enough to deserve
    One), call them less (once a week), stay on the phone less (5-10 minutes,
    Max), see them less (once or twice a week, max), less gifts (only once
    In a while, if she's been nice).


    DATE MORE THAN ONE AT THE SAME TIME:

    You will be happier and avoid a lot of headaches if you are dating
    More than one girl. If one blows you off, you go to the next one.


    MOVE ON:

    This is one of the most important things to learn -- don't be clingy
    And move on to the next one if a girl is giving you problems or just
    Blows you off. You have a better chance of getting her back by moving
    On than by being a wuss who can't live without her.


    ON THEIR THOUGHTS:

    Forget about what women want and all that other bullsh!t. Women don't
    Even know what they want themselves, so it is your duty as a man to
    Make her believe that you are what she wants. You do this by being a
    Challenge and by not taking their sh!t. Treat women's thoughts as
    Non-existent.


    YOU ARE NUMBER 1:

    Always put yourself first... protect your heart at all times and
    Think from the "I" perspective when making decisions. Most women are
    Selfish, so should you. Build a pedestal for yourself instead of
    Building one for her.


    DON'T JUST BE YOURSELF:

    Read a post by Allen Thompson on this topic, it is a fascinating
    Article.

    http://www.sosuave.com/articles/whynot.htm


    PASS THEIR TESTS:

    Women will test you to see how much you will let them get away with.
    It can be something as insignificant as whining about the type of
    Music that you listen to, and asking you to change the station. This
    Is where you put your foot down, and say something like: "Now that you
    are whining about it, that's all that I will listen to". Pay
    Attention to these little tests, if passed, the women are yours from
    Then on because they have found a MAN.


    BE A CHALLENGE:

    I have covered this topic above in "less is more"... end dates
    First, hang up first when on the phone with her, etc. Always have
    Doubts about your relationship to her. She'll get the hint that you
    Are probably seeing other girls.


    BE A GOOD LOVER:

    Study books or articles on becoming the best lover she's ever had. If
    Done right the first time, they'll keep coming back for more.
    Practice and become a good kisser as well, women love it.


    DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU:

    Be calm and don't show anger when it comes to interacting with women.
    Don't give them the pleasure of seeing how they can affect you so
    Easily. Walk away if you need to. It is not the end of the world.
    Take arguments calmly and hear her side of the story first, that's the
    Easiest way to win any argument. Realize that most of the time,
    She'll say that she's pissed about something and it will be something
    Totally different. It is your job to find out what it is that she's
    Pissed about.


    HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:

    Make fun of them as often as possible... don't take life too
    Seriously. Women go out on dates to have fun, not to be bored. Be
    Funny every chance you get.


    HAVE FUN:

    After all is done, at least you will remember the good times you had,
    Even if she was playing games with you. At least you had fun while
    She played stupid games.


    YOU ARE BETTER OFF:

    Being alone is better than being with the wrong girl -- you'll be
    Happier.


    LOVE:

    Love and relationships are for women only... they made this stuff up
    While men were building and making the world what it is today. As far
    As a man is concerned, love is just another word. After all, there's
    No universal meaning of the word love.
  • May 22, 2005, 06:13 PM
    Wildcat21
    And stop being a WUSS! Learn to become a man!

    Also go to

    Sosuave .com

    Doubleyoudating .com

    READ ALL the articles at www.lovetactics.com

    Heartache is AVOIDABLE!!
  • May 23, 2005, 01:59 AM
    Dreamer
    Give her what she needs right now
    Hi chalupa,

    The best thing that you can do at this moment is respect her wishes and give her some time and space. If she desires to talk with you, be there for her and listen to what she has to say. It sounds like she is going through something in life that she just needs to sort out on her own. I think we all go through this, and it is understandable. After all, you should understand considering how you needed the same thing not too long ago.

    If she remains in contact with you and shows you, not just tells you that she loves you, than give it some time. Actions do speak louder than words anyway. If you really truly love this girl, you'll wait. It's OK to "hang out" or "date" other people in the process if you choose to, but don't get too down about this right now. I know it's easier said than done, but if it's meant to be, it WILL work out. You just need to do what you have to right now and let her rest for a little while. Ok? If you respect her wishes, she will respect yours in the future. Just as she did when you requested this very same thing.

    I hope it works out for you both. I know it hurts :( And yes, I have been there. The outcome was good. Some people just need space every now and then to deal with their own issues in life. However, if this becomes a habit and she pushes you away every time she has something going on, I wouldn't waste my time with that. Hope this helps you some! Send me a message if you need more advice. I'll be here at some point. Good luck!
  • Apr 15, 2007, 09:12 AM
    neverever
    Comment on Wildcat21's post
    This is exactly what I was looking for!. thx!
  • Sep 11, 2007, 11:50 PM
    trishette
    Yes there is a Universal meaning for the word Love and here it is:

    Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in the wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
  • Sep 12, 2007, 03:46 AM
    mckenzie134
    Love is a make believe word!!
  • Sep 12, 2007, 07:10 AM
    Jiser
    Let this one go and move forward. Wildcat has it all lined out!
  • Sep 20, 2007, 02:27 AM
    exbestfriend
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by trishette
    Yes there is a Universal meaning for the word Love and here it is:

    Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in the wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

    :D wow I agree with the quote you've got here... its true especially if you really loved someone so real and even more that yourself:p
  • Sep 20, 2007, 10:16 AM
    trishette
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by exbestfriend
    :D wow i agree with the quote you've got here.... its true especially if you really loved someone so real and even more that yourself:p

    well then. Perhaps you will agree with other definitions from the Author... the Creator of the Universe. You can find more good stuff from HIS best selling book... the BIBLE.:)
  • Aug 18, 2008, 05:41 PM
    rolfen
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by chalupa67
    ok well about 3 weeks ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me. I have known this girl for 2 years and I can't get her out of my mind. She said she broke up with me becasue she needed to be alone and she didnt wanna be with anyone right now but she said she still loves me. Im not sure if i should move on or wait it out to see if she will eventually miss me and find out that she really misses me and wants me back. I wish I knew what to do to make this easier for me. I have never hurt or cried this bad before and I really feel like I might love this girl. She has been MY life for almost 2 years. I feel like what goes around comes around though becasue a year ago while we were going out I dumped her becasue i wanted space but 4 months later we got back together becasue we missed each other and I reeally fell in love with her this time around and I think its becasue im more mature about it. I just really hope that with time she will discover how much fun we had together and how much she loves me. I just dont know what to do or who to talk to and it hurts so much. I was just wondering if anyone else has been through this before and what the outcome of the situation was?

    You're in position of power. If you move on (not too quick though), she will miss you and will have nobody to blame but herself, and she'll feel very bad about it.
    Don't feel hurt, she hasn't left you yet, she will most probably come back... maybe she doesn't like you loving her too much and she feels pressure on her to live up to your love...
    Trust that she still loves you, as she says. Give her a couple of days then call, or message her... don't suffocate her, but don't let her stay away for too long and let the love die... just my 2 cents.
    When listening to her, Do NOT assume anything, and do not believe everything you hear. Her fear might make her say things that she doesn't mean.
    If that doent work... maybe she found someone else...
  • Feb 24, 2011, 10:48 PM
    Tthohmboy
    Wildcat you sound friggin evil!! I would never treat my girlfriend like that. You need to relies that guys have flaws too I personally agree with some o your advise but don't treat a girl like dirt the way wildcat says

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