Ask Me Help Desk - My mans a scrub!

I been with this guy for 3 years on and off. He cheated on me a couple times and I cheated on him. We forgave and forgot and moved on. At the beginning of the relationship he would take me out and pamper me as a man should do for his woman and I would do the same.but for a long time now he's been having some major money problems. He does not have enough. A lot of it goes to his daughter, unhealthy eating habits,and cigarets.there for I been giving him a lot of money here and there I been taking and picking him up from work.buying lunch and cloths. I been online setting up interviews for him so he can get a better paying job.and taking him to these interviews. But the thing is I don't think he is grateful.like for example today I was going to pick him up from work but I called and said I couldn't and he threw a hissy fit instead of being a man and taking a bus. He 25 for heaven sake. I'm 21 he should be taking care of me.I also work a full time job and take care of my family ( I been blessed to have a very well paying job). I have bills to pay too. I just want to see the fruits of my labor. All this work I done for him I want to see results. I want him to be more motivated. Am I wrong for thinking like this? Am I a materialistic person for feeling he should be taking care of me?but I still feel I love him.

Have you talked to him about it? Talk to him about it and see if he changes. Maybe quitting smoking would help. Cigarettes are an expensive habit and all it takes is self control to quit.

It seems that he is taking a bit too much advantage of your kindness.
He is your boyfriend and you say you still love himj so it is understandable that you want to help him, and you should help him.
But maybe just try to guide him in the right direction. Let him find his own job interviews then he might be more inclined to go for it!
You can't do everything for him. If he wants a better job and to go further in life then he has to do it himself. Obvioulsy you need to support him but at the moment it seems that you are looking after him too much.
He needs to sort out his prioritys (eg. Give up smoking) and deicide what he wants to do with his life. You should sit down with him and tell him how you feel, and find out how he is feeling. He might not want to you be so involved! It seems like you are running his life.
Find out what he wants to do and support him. Don't just give him money and texi him around. You are not his mother! You are his girlfriend and it should be a 50/50 relationship!

Quote:

Originally Posted by i need him

it seems that he is taking a bit too much advantage of your kindness.
he is your boyfriend and you say you stil love himj so it is understandable that you want to help him, and you should help him.
but maybe just try to guide him in the right direction. let him find his own job interviews then he might be more inclined to go for it!
you can't do everything for him. if he wants a better job and to go further in life then he has to do it himself. obvioulsy you need to support him but at the moment it seems that you are looking after him to much.
he needs to sort out his prioritys (eg. give up smoking) and deicide what he wants to do with his life. you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel, and find out how he is feeling. he might not want to you be so involved! it seems like you are running his life.
find out what he wants to do and support him. dont just give him money and texi him around. you are not his mother! you are his girlfriend and it should be a 50/50 relationship!

I know that its has to be 50/50 that's why I'm not happy.because I feel its all me and no him.but I don't think I'm acting like his mother. I have talked to him about (of course I sugar coated it) it seems that he likes that I'm doing all this for him.but your right he needs to do these things for himsef.

Don't SUGAR COAT IT... don't baby him. If you sugar coat it he's not going to take you seriously. Just be blunt with him. Me, being a male of course, know how stuburn males are so you can't sugar coat it or he won't get the point!

Quote:

Originally Posted by clueless_guy_2007

DONT SUGAR COAT IT.... dont baby him. if you sugar coat it hes not going to take you seriously. Just be blunt with him. Me, being a male of course, know how stuburn males are so you can't sugar coat it or he wont get the point!!

Yeah but I don't want to be too blunt and hurt his pride.but if I don't do something soon I feel I'm going to lose respect for him as a man.

Being a guy.. I know it sucks when someone hurts your pride but he will just have to get over it. He needs to stop using you and do something for himself. Don't let him be so dependent. If he had much pride he wouldn't be so dependent so maybe you being blunt is all he needs.

What I would do and have done break it off with him for a while. That will make him think about everything you do and have done for him. That is the only way he will start to appericate the things you do for him.. And if you break it off for a while let him know you are having fun and your doing so much stuff with out him let him think you don't need him. That will get to him don't cry to him or sound sad when you talk to him. I did it and guess what my man is back in my life and has done a 180 turn around and I love it!! Our relationship is so much better and stronger and we are more in love now then we were back then. Just try it please??