I cant bear the pain and feel such despair
I have written about a related topic - don't get along with boyfriend friends' the update is that I confronted him about lying to meet his friends when I all I want is honeslty and it ended up in us ending the relationship... because he couldn't bring his friends world and mine together he felt he had to choose and chose them despite the fact his best friend back stabbed him.
I am utterly devastated, I really believed we would marry and settle down as that's how he always talked to me. He was a great boyfriend, this aside, a real catch, constantly loved me and cared for me and I feel so deluded and shocked that this came so out of the blue for his friends.
The fact we lived together has shattered me, I feel ashamed and used and dread to face people from home who are ultra conservative and judgmental. I turned 26 two weeks ago and I now feel I have lost my chance to find the right guy and have such fear of being alone in the futre with everyone looking down on me smug to be in a couple. My ex is now moving back home and that's what I want to do too as I only stayed abroad because of him and don't have the courage to live a lonely city life trying to get by but I feel I would look so stupid and as if I have messed up so much.
I have been given an exceptional work opportunity here however I don't have the strength and courage to stay abroad alone despite the fact it's a unique opportunity. I feel so rejected especially since he is going home and picking up with all his friends right where he left off whilst on the other hand I feel such an outsider as most of my friends are in steady relationships and feel they now look down on me that I can't hold a successful relationship
I haven't been able to sleep or eat for a week, I am so utterly heartbroken and don't know how to cope. He made me believe so much that we were forever, I loved him wholeheartedly and I went to great lengths to be with him and now he has done a complete U turn and feel I am being abandoned, left to cope with the conequences by myself. I am going home next week for 5 days to see my family and also create space between me and my ex since we are still under one roof and do not know what to do with my life... I feel such physical pain and heartache like never before and feel so rejected and humiliated too.
I feel I can't cope and have phsically and mentally broken down beyond repair
Please help me