My 19 year old son got his now 18 year old girlfriend pregnant. She lived at our house up to the labor and delivery because her dad and mom weren't very understanding. Being young we were supportive only because we were happy she decided to have the baby. They were both very happy, with my son giving her an engagement ring to be married. The day she got out of the hospital she decided to move in with her mother who she didn't have much to do with for the previous 8 months. She is not allowing my son to bring the baby over to our house, and hasn't come over at all so we can see the baby. She filed for welfare on her 18th birthday, which was approximately 4 days before the baby was born. The girlfriend has a whole new attitude now that she has a baby. Almost the feeling that - thanks for the baby, I can get welfare, see you. My son doesn't want his girlfriend to apply for aid, and wants her to get a job in the future as she is perfectly capable to work. Unfortunately the baby's mom and grandmother are welfare addicts and have shared how easy it is to get aid for a single mom. My son just recently got a new job and is working full time. We want to know what course of action to take, both so my son can be able to take the baby to our house for short visits (with pumped breast milk available) and what will happen if they split up, but my son wants to try and get custody and get the baby out of the bad environment she is in currently. Is he liable for child support if he is spending nights at the baby's other grandmother's house (just so he can be with his baby)? Of course we are hoping that the new mom's attitude will change in the near future, but it seems their relationship is fizzling due to the other grandmother's comments. My son and our family want the best for the baby, and need advice quickly. Thanks for whoever can help give us some pointers! We live in California

I am in California as well and been in the court a time or two so here is what the Courts take on it will probably be. They will not take baby from mom unless she is unfit. To prove her unfit would be almost impossible. Unless she is a drug user who leaves baby alone, uses drugs and breastfeeds or is abusive you aren't likely going to prove her unfit.

If she is eligible for welfare, whether dad agrees with it or not, then she can be on it. Try to take the position that her being on welfare is better for the baby for right now. Baby is with mom where he/she should be not with a sitter. She may be perfectly capable of working but if she can be home with baby full time that is what is best, especially if baby is breastfeeding. She can go to work when baby is older and not so terribly dependent on her.

Your son should not take baby to far from mom right now because of breastfeeding in particular. Two hour visits a couple of times a week are appropriate for now. Although some babies handle switching from bottle to breast relatively fine it is not the best route to go with. It can cause problems and then she may have to stop breastfeeding entirely. Which I am sure you all would be happy with so that you can have baby more but that isn't really what is best for baby.

Whether he is staying nights or not he can be ordered to pay child support. All she has to do is go open a case with the DCSS.

You said your son wants to get baby out of the bad environment she is in, what is so bad about it? That information could result in different responses here.

What your son needs to do is hire a lawyer. Truly. Without a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity he will probably have to submit to a paternity test first off. So he will file a motion to Establish parentage. Then he would need to file an OSC (Order to Show Cause) asking for a custody/visitation agreement to be made. Specifying what he would like to see the arrangements be. His lawyer will be able to better let him know what he should ask for based on the specifics of his situation. But as a general he should try to come up with a "step up" plan. Which will start with a minimum of time gradually increasing every six months or so. Speaking to a custody expert will also be great for your son to find out what time share plans would be appropriate for different ages. Courts rely on custody experts a lot for guidance as to what should be ordered. If she contests and does not mutually agree outside of court then they will be ordered to mediation. Mediation will be held by the Court with a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) or a MFC (Marriage & Family Counselor). In mediation it will only be dad and mom, no lawyers. Each will be given the opportunity to tell the mediator what they would like to have happen and the reasons for it. The mediator will try to get mom and dad to come to agreement during the meeting but if they can not then the mediator will decide what they feel is appropriate and write it up for the Court to approve. The judge may or may not agree with the mediators suggestion/opinion but more often than not the judge does go with the mediators decision. Custody battles can very VERY (mine was $28,000 on my side alone) costly so ask your son (and yourself since you are helping him) to think very carefully before asking for a custody/visitation arrangement the Court probably won't order.

Here is a web site with a lot of very helpful information: http://www.divorcenet.com/states/cal...sitation_plans
There are "sample" plans on that site that I KNOW the court in California DOES order in different cases. I hope you find the info helpful.

Just make sure you have your son and yourself always ask yourselves "is what I am wanting THE BEST for the baby or is it what I want? Good luck!

Yes, he will need to hire an attorney and file for some level of custody and visitation. He can not stop her from getting welfare and doing what she wants to do. But of course he will have to be ready to pay child support, esp with the mom on welfare, I am surprised the state has not already came after him,

Hw has the same parental rights as the mother. You will have to have the court set up his visitation rights. I would call dep't of children and family services and see if they can provide legal help. Otherwise, you will have to hire an attorney. As far as the breastfeeding, she is more than welcome to be present for the visitation. If he is really going to get a job and work hard she'd be an idiot not to file for child support. She'd get more through him that the gov't. But, some people don't mind using the system and living off other people's hard earned tax $$.

One. Every state is different.
Two. Fathers has the same rights of the Mothers. Although many mothers don't think so becyase they carried the baby and went through labor.
Three. Most important, Get a DNA test to make sure.
FOur. If she is on Public Assistance. She can not get it unless she does all the paper work for Child Support.
Five. If he can do a better job in parenting, then run for it. More and more fathers are winning custody now.
Six. He needs to be the Petitioner when filing for Joint Custody or Sole Custody and the faster he does it, the better it is for him.
Seven. Courts hates Parental Alienation. That is the Number 1 mistkes mothers does, and that alone, she can lose the custody of kids.
Eight, There is NOTHING wrong that a father has custody of a newborn child. If you can prove that the family is a habitual Public Assistance addicts, and that he can provide support and care for the child, then RUN for it.
Nine. Attorneys that speicalizing for fathers only, does great. But if you can do most of the paper work, it will save a lot of money. The county clerk has the package, and depending on your state, most of the forms are online. In our county, Orange COunty Fl, the package is 15.00 but is a good guide in what forms you need. Remmber he is filing a "Determined for Patnerity Suit for Custody because they are not married.they are about 9-12 forms that needs to be filled out. Every state is different.
10. Make sure he never ever Threatens her in any way, and he never gets into any arguments with her or the mother. Their favorite thing is to fabricated stories and throw an Injunction. Always stay calm, do things the legal way, it is sad, but you have to do every thing LEGAL and most important it is always The Best interest of the Child. [U] Don't allow your emotions to take control, because you will end up making bad and poor choices, thinking it is right.

Remember in every state, the laws are different. It is best to do research and learn the laws in your state. Just Google,like in "Paternity Rights in CA." or what ever state you are in. Federal law says that the fathers has equal rights to the child(ren) unless he is a 1st Degree or 2nd Degree Felon crimial or sex offender. That has been proven with a criminal record.

Any father that was convicted of certain crimes may have visit rights, but they are supervised by the courts. The Court will put the order in and there is a Social Service House that does Supervised visits. Many times DCF workers can keep an eye on parents(both) and there is a fee.

This thread is FOUR YEARS OLD.

The child's custody has been determined long ago, I am sure.

Please watch dates when responding to questions.