She left me about two months ago because I worked too much. We were together for almost 4 years and the work situation became a problem about two years in but it got a lot worse the last 8 months or so. It was a quick and emotional break up for both of us and now she has moved to the other side of the country for the summer. We talk a lot now and she really misses me and loves me, but is determined to stick this out. I have curtailed my working habits and I think she really believes I have changed.

Ask yourself this... have you changed enough balance both her, and work?

For sure! I am self employed and have one business partner. We were stretched to thin anyway so we decided to hire another full time employee to balance our schedules. This has happened since we broke up. My ex is a bit bitter that I am doing all this after the fact, but better late then never and it is a good thing for me as well.

Have you talked to her about all of this and how you are ready for both work, and a relationship?

For sure and I really think she believes me. But she has been following me around for the past two years going with me where my work takes me and she kind of lost her identity. She is now trying to get that back, I think she lost touch with her friends and her self. I am 26 she is 21 and I think she really needed this. I am supporting her and giving her her space. She also had some deaths in her family over the last year. I know there is real love between us. I just reached a breaking point.

That's all you have to do. Be her support and give her space. Once things start looking up, she most likely will get back together with you and you two can start your relationship back up again. Just her time and give her your love.

Sorry last sentence should read "IT just reached a breaking point" (as in the relationship)

Thanks rockabilly1955mama

The pleasure is all mine my dear!

I have limited my contact big time. I have not tried ‘no contact’ yet and I am not sure if it’s the best approach for my particular situation. Here is the deal as posted in a previous thread: She left me about two months ago because I worked too much. We were together for almost 4 years and the work situation became a problem about two years in but it got a lot worse the last 8 months of our relationship. It was a quick and emotional break up for both of us and now she has moved to the other side of the country for the summer to clear her head. We talk a lot now and she really misses me and loves me, but is determined to stick the summer out. I have curtailed my working habits and I think she really believes I have changed. With in the last few months we have had some great conversations over the phone and msn. She calls me I call her etc. If I don’t fall into talking about heavy things and keep the conversation light she calls me back and I can sense her insecurity with me going on with my life with out her etc. But if I ever fall into bringing up our situation it isn’t terrible but I do lose some points. I personally think if I can maintain regular conversation, stay up beat and stay off the subject of our relationship and keep contact to a minimum it will work out in my favor. Keep in mind the relationship ended mainly due to my neglect so ‘no contact’ may not be the best approach. She is coming back in July to get her stuff in order for when she moves back permanently and also to visit her friends / family and me for a week or two. I am not sure if it will be awkward if I do ‘no contact’ up until I see her on the visit. For the past two years she has been going with me where my work takes me and she kind of lost her identity. She is now trying to get that back, I think she lost touch with her friends and her self. I am 26 she is 21 and I think she really needs this. I am supporting her and giving her her space. She also had some deaths in her family over the last year. I know there is real love between us. It just reached a breaking point. So what do you think the best approach would be?

You still have a chance and I say... "go get her Romeo!"

Thanks, things are getting better every day

Have more time for her then work and tell her u will make time for her and that u miss her a lot

What about a grand display of your true feelings - what about if you took a week off work and went to the other side of the country to wherever she is and tell her exactly what you have said on here - you love her, want to show her that you want to make an effort for her because she is important to you and you want her to be in yout life. You can arrange your own accommodation - don't stay with her - but be there - take her for dinner and basically devote your holiday to her. Then go home - no pressure. It will give her food for thought in between now and when she comes to visit you.

Don't FOOL YOURSELF!!

No Contact is your go Definitely Don't want to hear this crap hoe you wernt there enough for her and worked too much. This is not the reason for her leaving. Tell yourself that as much as youwant Buddy its not True. If she really loved you she would stay. If she really wanted you she would stay.

People don't leave cause you work too much. They doiscuss it or the work around it. You working a lot would be great setting up for a future for the two of you...

You are definitely wrong believing working too much is the reason please listen that is not yes Not why she wants out..

She is unsure weather you are the one and that ois the reason her feeling s may have dropped a bitand she does not like you as much as she used too... she is evaluating things. Go nNo contct for a bit let her know what she is missing, this will not hurt your chances and if you think it does then she was never coming back anyway.

Once again you don't leave someone cause they work too mucyou eithertalk about it or you work around that! 1 This is a lie!!

Definitely she is confuaed and unsure how she feels.

I agree with what you are saying to an extent. She Is confused and for sure doesn't feel the same way she used to about me. The main reason being that I worked all the time with my own business leaving very little time for us. That led to other problems resentment, alienation and eventually her doubting her feelings etcetera. Eventually leading to exactly what you said. So I agree with that. I have limited my contact big time and kept things light and casual when we do talk over the phone or MSN. She is now saying she misses me a ton and has decided to come home to visit me and her friends and family. She is emailing me and calling me all the time now. I think No Contact all together would be a big mistake due to the circumstances of our break up.

So now that she is coming home for 8 days and wants to spend a lot of them with me I think I will take things as they come and see what happens. Any ideas anybody?

Right, take it easy... don't rush things... just be you. Enjoy.

Yes light contact seems like your go and like you said show her your work habits have dropped and you have more time for someone special in your life. Now I think a good way of doing that though is not to try and tell her you have more time for her but try and show her you now have more time for whoever it may be that you choose to let in to your life . Don't make it seem like its for her you wantit to be like she made you realise that its beetter for you to eork less but tat does not mean she will get to come back whatever happens you will now be ina better position for your next relationship...

Just be yourself and enjoy the time and let her see that you care and have changed with your actions rather than words, I caution you not to have high expectations, since you've said she is coming to get her stuff for a permanent move. I doubt if you change her mind, and hope that's not what your trying to do. But Good Luck.

Cool thanks guys. Sorry if I made it seem like she is getting her stuff for a permanent move, but that's not the case (thank god!). She is just coming back because she is super home sick and wants to visit her family, friends and me. She has already asked me to do three different things with her while she is back. She plans on going back to where she is currently living, but just for the summer or fall.