Okay here's my question. I just found out that my husband has always been into adult sex sites like fling.com where he's "chatting" with women there. Now he claims he only talks about the weather general stuff like that. Please, cut the F#$#$$% S@#$!! I am really not that stupid. Anyhow he claims it's no different than chatting on msn with his friends. He doesn't see that there is anything wrong with this, yet I feel that I've been cheated on. He never told me or showed me these sites. He even had a profile which he erased as soon as I found out. I said well if it's no big deal, than why did you erase it. He states because I made him mad. I claims I was snooping around on him. When actually I found out completely by accident. I was shocked as hell. I knew he sometimes downloaded porn when I wasn't home, however I just assumed that all guys looked at porn and I didn't think it was a problem. So here's my essential question, is chatting with actual people on adult porn sites any different than just looking at magazines or movies? Do all men do this? I didn't think it was right doing it in a marriage (the chatting that is). Please I would love in put from men and women who have different views on this topic?

Okay-it's cheating (not physically-but emotionally and sexually) for instance, If I have sex with my wife and secretly I fantasise about her sister and think thoughts about what I'd love to do to her sexually-I'm virtually having sex with the sister yes? No? I bet most women would think it is cheating-if he thinks it isn't why erase the profile, why look at porn without you there and why hide the "activity" he is doing when you are not around?

Chat with him on the chat site he uses and see the "real" discussion taking place.

Now to rectify te problem-treat him with a little care (at first) and discuss how you feel if it continues-change gears and become more strict, three strikes he's out.

Sounds harsh, but I know someone who had the Same problem. They are now happy-although she still has taken a long time to recover from his "chatting"

Bye

Chatting about the weather. No points for orginality there. If it truly is no different than talking on MSN or Yahoo, then he should not talk on fling.com. If it is all the same. It may not be different, people on MSN can talk about smut just as well as on any other website or chat server.

I do think that chatting with people in an adult sex porn site is different that reading a magazine. Your husband is not too sharp in his lame excuses. Glad you can spot this. I do hope he gives up his obsessions and figures out why he thinks he needs that, instead of the wife he has right there.

Sexual chat rooms are for men and women looking to get off! There's no other way to put it. I tried it for a day or two and realize it was all about hooking up with someone else, or making each other climax online. Chat rooms are cool if the chat room is about cars, hobbies, sport and things along those lines, but when you go on a adult chat room, is about one thing. It's cheating anyway you look at it. I'm a male who know this for a fact!!

I would say "chatting" on these adult sites is worse. I wouldn't believe he's only talking about general stuff, as said above those sites are to get each other off and I think that's worse cause there is someone else involved on the other end. If he was just watching a porn (while some people may not like it) at least it's just him involved.

Just my 2 cents

I would say chatting is worse, because with porn, it's just a one-way street, and with chat rooms, there is the one-on-one connection, and there is always the chance of him meeting these people. I normally am very lenient when it comes to stuff like this, but I would advise you to talk to your partner and let him know that you are not okay with this and try and find out what motivates him to do this, because I truly doubt he's just "talking about the weather" and the fact he thought you'd buy that is insulting enough.

I have to agree with everyone, looking at porn is somethig that I think most men do. When it comes to having a conversation with someone, that is completely different. If he was actually only talking about the weather, why didn't he get on MSN to do that? If you sign up for a site like that, and go into a chat room, your only there for one reason.

I had the same prob with my boyfriend. I went on a vaction for a week and found out he was on a online chat video site where you watch the girls undressing and you get off by watching and chatting with them. He also is addicted to porn. I think its all cheating because I know hed be pissed if I watch a guy undressed and played with myself. There dreaming of having sex with these girls its NOT harmless. Its sooo wrong and I wish people would see that. There's no reason if your male or female to have to look at other people having sex. Like I say to my bf's the day you look at another vagina is the day I leave. If your intrested in looking at other people go find someone else why stay with someone if you have to look at other girls. I don't care if you have a d!ck between your legs or not its wrong. Men use so many excuses to brain wash women in thinking its OK. Why because they need fantasy. Then make a web site for women where they can go when there man isn't taking care of there emotional needs. There are no sites like that. Its hard enough to find naked men on the internet. Not to metion on TV. You see t!ts in every single movie when do you ever see d!cks? Never why are women always the sex objects. It just makes it harder on women. Guys can grow up stop watching porn and instead of dreaming of having sex with other women why not dream about the next romantic thing your going to do for the women of your life.

Dear honey,

Please consider the tone of some of your posts-The emotional site for women you have suggested-go ahead and do something about it-make it! I think you have a great idea!

I have noticed that you have made some generalisations that are a little terse, shall I say.

While I will openly advocate some porn usage, I will state that chatting with a live person of the opposite sex is a completely different matter all together.

I'd as him how he felt if you chatted with guys on the same site. I won't do that at all since its so close to the line its hard to know when you cross it.

There MIGHT be an issue here to worry about.

Smoothy, talking to a person of ANY gender about a possible encounter (sexual) is bad...

Also: When online, you never know WHO you're talking to. The person can claim to be whoever they want to claim they are.

It is not bad to watch porn if a man wants to, since he is faithful to you. If he is not faithful then you have a problem

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Originally Posted by kepi

Smoothy, talking to a person of ANY gender about a possible encounter (sexual) is bad....

Also: When online, you never know WHO you're talking to. The person can claim to be whoever they want to claim they are.

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True... In this context I assumed it was with a member of the opposite sex however (or someone he believed to be). But yes I agree with what you said as well.

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Originally Posted by Andreas_111

It is not bad to watch porn if a man wants to, since he is faithful to you. If he is not faithful then you have a problem

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Watching porn is fine... adult chatrooms are not. The difference is human interaction.

Might? Definitely it's an issue. Why else would he have kept it to himself? No, not every guy goes on sex chat sites, or even views porn. I think if you knew he was doing this and you were comfortable, it would be one thing. I don't think hooking up like that on line is appropriate for anyone who is married because it is a betrayal to your relationship. He isn't just viewing things, he is using it to connect with others and to be mutually satisfied, so to speak. It is awful to find out something like that and I don't think you should take this matter lightly. My friend went through this and found out he went even further to meet with one of the people he met on these online sex chat rooms. They are now divorced. The relationship has changed and you need to seek some help for the both of you. Have you considered maybe this has become an addiction for him? I hope you find a way to get through this, I think making him feel accountable for his actions and understanding your feelings is critical for you to get past it.

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Originally Posted by shatteredsoul

Might?? Definitely it's an issue. Why else would he have kept it to himself?? No, not every guy goes on sex chat sites, or even views porn. I think if you knew he was doing this and you were comfortable, it would be one thing. I don't think hooking up like that on line is appropriate for anyone who is married because it is a betrayal to your relationship. He isn't just viewing things, he is using it to connect with others and to be mutually satisfied, so to speak. It is awful to find out something like that and I don't think you should take this matter lightly. My friend went through this and found out he went even further to meet with one of the people he met on these online sex chat rooms. They are now divorced. The relationship has changed and you need to seek some help for the both of you. Have you considered maybe this has become an addiction for him? I hope you find a way to get through this, I think making him feel accountable for his actions and understanding your feelings is critical for you to get past it.

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I agree, would he like it if she secretly chatted with guys online. I wouldn't give a hoot if my wife watches porn... we do that together and have no problems... but neither of us chat in any sort of chatrooms.