I have been married for 10 years. My spouse and I have had many issues. To name a few, Drinking, recovery, verbal abuse, etc.. Last spring we separated and have been living in separate residences since that time. I filed for divorce in January and he did not respond to the papers. We have a child together and he has never consistently visited our child. I have reuqested on more than 20 occasions that he do so and he promised to put it together and has failed. He does not contribute financially to either myself or our child. We have attended marriage counseling over the past 3 years and cannot seem to resolve our issues. My major issue with him is that he has never put our marriage first. We sat down and discussed this last weekend and I thought that perhaps he got it. He didn't. I have set up a formal custody hearing which is happening next week, he is not aware of this yet. I am going for the divorce.

Any advice? Am I giving up to early?

In my opinion no you are not, after ten years if he cannot see the problem then I don't think he ever will.

I think you have put all you can into making a relationship work with someone who is unwilling to work with you. What's the point in being married if you are miserable? What's the point in being married if you don't/can't live together?

You've given up enough of your time, and obviously your husband is unwilling to give any of his. I think you are making the right decision.

You've definitely had ENOUGH.

Hope everything goes well.

:)

I agree, you gave all you should have given. Now its about you and the kids. Make sure that you are there for them through all of this in any way they need! Sometimes in a divorce situation the kids seem OK, but deep down they are struggling with it. Maybe get them in for some counseling. Maybe this whole court hearing will make him realize your serious and its time for him to get his head out of his a!# for the kids sake. As far as the relationship, he has already shown you with his actions what he thinks about that. And you know the old saying... Actions speak louder than words!

Oh I hate it when my husband says "actions speak louder than words" It sure puts me in my spot. What ever my spot should be. Anyway, I agree with the other posters here, on another level, how old is the child? What does the counselor say about you guys never working it out? Why would you give 3 years worth of your hard earned money for nothing to show? Seems a little strange to me but back to the subject, I think you can divorce but that is only hearing your side of the story! I really wish you could both come to a better solution than this. Is he really that bad or are you being irrational. Sometimes in a marriage, we start to get angry then all hell breaks lose and we can't get back to square one. I am not saying you are being irrational, I am only asking because it matters in this situation! Good luck

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Originally Posted by midwest1

I have been married for 10 years. My spouse and I have had many issues. To name a few, Drinking, recovery, verbal abuse, etc.. Last spring we separated and have been living in separate residences since that time. I filed for divorce in January and he did not respond to the papers. We have a child together and he has never consistently visited our child. I have reuqested on more than 20 occasions that he do so and he promised to put it together and has failed. He does not contribute financially to either myself or our child. We have attended marriage counseling over the past 3 years and cannot seem to resolve our issues. My major issue with him is that he has never put our marriage first. We sat down and discussed this last weekend and I thought that perhaps he got it. He didn't. I have set up a formal custody hearing which is happening next week, he is not aware of this yet. I am going for the divorce.

Any advice? Am I giving up to early?

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I don't think he's responding in any way. Not with the divorce papers, not with support, and not with marriage counseling. I don't know what else you can do... maybe you should move on and be happy. You've already moved out so maybe you should go for it.

When you have to ask the ?

Today, he said that he is willing to give it 100%. I expected him to be giving me 150% over the past year. He hasn't. I am afraid to trust him this time as he had his chance when he moved out and we have had one year to give it 100%. I don't want to raise my child without a father any more than I want to live alone but I honestly can't seem to get through to him. He has difficulty in accepting his mistakes and learning from them. He continues to say, "put the past in the past and let's move forward". The issue is that the same things keep happening. He is absent and has done nothing to try and regain my trust and work on our marriage. I am sick...

MIDWEST, today he said he is willing to give 100% , last year you expected more than he could give. It really takes time to heal and move forward. Putting the past in the past may not be a bad idea! If you can get a quick plan together on what you two need to do to make it work, you may have a chance! Would he be willing to "make a list" so to speak about the main issues in your relationship and you too? You will need to be open minded and stop thinking he is putting you down for what is on his list and him to your list. It sounds to me that you guys have come really far and if today is a good day, I WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! Get together and have a talk, let him tell you he is feeling and you tell him. Communication is the key, but when you are just starting with communication it is confusing and hard to tell your true feelings sometimes. Don't yell it and try not to make it sound like it is all his fault. Good luck to you. And if all else fails and he is fibbing about the 100% then it might just be time to hit the road!