I am a 31 year old male, who has been married for close to a year. My wife is extremely overweight. I loved her when we got married, and I love her now. I am just not attracted to her at all. She is a pretty girl, but she is Severely overweight. I am chuncky myself, but it is hard to get turned on. She says that she is going to diet, and then doesn't. She complains that we do not make love anymore, but to be honest, I just can't anymore. I am not attracted to her. One issue that she constantly pushes, is oral sex. She will give it to me, but I have never done it to her. To be honest, I am grossed out by the thought of it. I am thinking of looking elsewhere.. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? She has put on close to 100 pounds in the 5 years that I have known her. Is it wrong to feel this way?

Were you attracted to her sexually when u married her?

I was, kind of. I loved her for who she was. She is great in every aspect. I just don't find her sexually attractive now. I think I had my reservations about how she looked.. But I looked past that..

You said that you are chunky yourself [no offense], why don't you two attend the gym together and help her in losing the weight?

I want to go to the gym. She says that she is too heavy to work out.. she needs to diet first. But she won't diet. I have been losing weight, to try to set an example, but that is not working either. It is making me disgusted in her.

Then look past it now... you short changed yourself and now you are short changing her... and this is not fair... how dare you to contemplate having an affair. Get your rear end out and start exercising and eating healthy . She will probably follow your lead. Both of you go get phyiscals... maybe she has some type of health problem because that is a lot of weight to put on( 20 pounds a year). Talk to her don't crush her feelings... she may eat more if you do that. Good luck

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Originally Posted by LonelyHubby1975

I want to go to the gym. She says that she is too heavy to work out.. she needs to diet first. But she won't diet. I have been loosing weight, to try to set an example, but that is not working either. It is making me disgusted in her.

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You somehow feel disgusted in her because your able to get motivated.. and she isn't... not good... you need to figure out why you married someone that you obivously deem not good enough for you

Nowadays you can diet with minimal effort. There are a number of food companies that can offer you lean juicy steak that helps you loose wait while enjoying your food, and there are a number of products out there available.

Try this ideas with her and see whether she will like it...

Hiya bush & lonelyguy. Lonelyguy, what about joining weightwatchers together? If she is against exercising right now, find a way to do something together that will help motivate her. A lot of the people who go are very overweight so she won't feel uncomfortable, as she might in a gym. Here is their website.http://www.weightwatchers.com/index.aspx
In the upper right hand corner there is a link to "find a meeting." Click on it and type in your zip code. All the locations where they meet in your area, will pop up.

You did marry her for better or for worse. Something is going on with her that has created this weight issue. If you love her and want to help her, before giving up and doing something that you will regret, start looking for creative solutions. You may want to call your doctor's office and get some names of nutritionists or counselors. Get proactive. What does she like to do besides eating? Think outside the box.

I have a friend that has lost 40 lbs in a year and a half on weight watchers. So it can work, Lonely I'm sorry if I was to tough on you but I hate to hear someone talking about cheating on their spouse or thinking about it esp. since you have only been married for 1 year and she was gaining weight all along. Please don't involve another woman into your problems... that will only make things worse. Good luck

Try to get her to skip all desserts and appetizers... just one plate of food and go for long romantic walks. But whatever you do make sure you do it too so she is not alone. You don't have to go to the gym to work out. Just walk around the neighborhood for twenty minutes... it's better then nothing.

You know... personally, it ticks me off when my husband wants me to do something because he's doing it. He wanted me to quit smoking because HE wanted to quit smoking. He's losing weight and exercising, and I know I need to do the same, but frankly--I hate that it's so easy for him, and so hard for me. So... I don't go. I hate how I look, too... I've gained about 65 lbs since he and I first met. But... I HATE going to a gym. I hate the perky blondes that bounce around with all that energy, when I'm feeling fat to begin with, and then I'm like--what's the point? I'll NEVER be that skinny again anyway!

As far as the dieting goes... are you willing to give up good food too? To only eat salads and have small portions and have no chocolate, no sweets, no ice cream, no cake, no Fruity Pebbles in the house? That's one thing my husband won't do. He says that he knows that he just has to exercise more if he has ice cream for dessert... but to me, having the ice cream in the house to begin with is a downfall I can't get past.

Maybe the 2 of you can do activities together that Aren't at a gym--go for a bike ride, a walk, shopping at the mall, anything to get up off the couch and DO something. Does your wife like to shop? Make that into exercise and motivation! Give her a goal, and rewards once she reaches that goal--a new dress, a night at a fancy dinner show or the opera or something that SHE wants but can't get you to go to to save her life.

More than anything else, make sure she knows that you love her, and that you are doing this for HER, for her health and for her self-esteem.

My husband and I have always had to battle our weight. Walking is the easiest way to burn extra calories and you don't need a gym membership. I hate gyms - don't like people looking at me and all those mirrors! Although I do enjoy the water aerobics that our local rec center has - those are good if you are really overweight because it is easier on the joints and you are in the water which gives a little privacy.

Find something you like to do together like the water aerobics or bicycling or walking or dancing. I can never lose weight by diet alone - I have to get moving. A trip to the doctor really sounds necessary - she could have thyroid issues or depression which tends to send a person into a self-defeat mode.

Don't give up and don't go looking somewhere else. Remember you promised for better or worse - time to work on the worse and make it better.

well said above^^^^

also what about the Subway diet? Subway is nice tasting and yet the right ones are also weight watcher-types.

first try a romantic walk once every night -it's excersise and you may start to discuss some other matters (like oral sex-in the future). The walk should start your excersice routine without even knowing it? What do you think?

cheers

You need to evaluate your marriage, is the love still there?
Is it worth complying with weight loss together?
Or is she just the unattractive one in your marriage?
She probably adores you for you, therefore she can except your body physically/sexually.

You don't seem very intrigued with who she is. :(

Your wife sounds a little depressed. Maybe if she goes to a therapist it will help her with her weight issues as well.

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Originally Posted by LonelyHubby1975

I am a 31 year old male, who has been married for close to a year. My wife is extremely overweight. I loved her when we got married, and I love her now. I am just not attracted to her at all. She is a pretty girl, but she is SEVERLY overweight. I am chuncky myself, but it is hard to get turned on. She says that she is going to diet, and then doesn't. She complains that we do not make love anymore, but to be honest, I just can't anymore. I am not attracted to her. One issue that she constantly pushes, is oral sex. She will give it to me, but I have never done it to her. To be honest, I am grossed out by the thought of it. I am thinking of looking elsewhere.. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? She has put on close to 100 pounds in the 5 years that I have known her. Is it wrong to feel this way?

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It's not wrong at all to think that. Just explain to your wife that she needs to go on a diet. Suggest calling Jenny Craig. She can help. Don't forget to talk to your wife about how you feel.

I have the same problem. When I married my wife she was a fine 100lb babe, now she close to 200lb! I'm sorry, but I married a 100lb lady, yes weight gain is expected, but 100lbs! I love the visual part of sex, but not when I have to look between the folds. I know I sound horrible, but that's the way I feel. I love her to death, but can't get over the pounds. And no, she won't do anything to change it, "if you love me, you won't ask me to change", OK, I won't ask her to change, but don't expect me to change. She knew how important it was for me to have a slim wife, I'm not into a heavy women, I won't be able to get it up!!

The key to weight loss is taking it slow. You can't go from BK to salads-only in a day- your body will be severely affected-try buying whole-grain bread, light mayo, stuff like that. And walk or something. I know that work and all make it hard to find the time, but really try hard to just get home half an hour earlier and walk around town. You can mae it romantic- walk around town holding hands, go into stores and look at stuff, but move!

Instead of: Get your of the couch and lose weight
Say: Hey, honey, let's go take a walk together.

My best opinion, is to wake up one day and say "Honey, we are not going on a diet...Oh no, we are going to have a life style change." (And this may sound crazy, but I really think it would have an impact) You just go to the fridge take the food out, COMPLETELY. Give it to nieghbors, friends and families... don't dump it, people are starving out there! But go to the local whole wheatery, Trader Joes, Whole foods, and purchase good healthy food, try to stay away from breads, pastas and rices, and if you must select only the WHOLE wheat products. Purchase jucies, no sodas---unless they are diet, cut out eating out entirely, and just tell her it's a life style change, not a diet--because you need it for your health. Also, my best lifestyle change is go Vegeterian, when I became vegeterian I dropped so much weight, and I was not even over weight... but the weight just came off. I know, becoming vegeterian is a bit sever for most people... but its just a thought.

Can't you appreciate her for WHO she is instead of what she looks like. If you wanted sexual satisfaction badly enough you would be able to make love, surely?