I had an affair, my wife found out and now she wants to talk to the other woman. She says that she just wants to ask her what happened because I have lied about it. What could her true motive be and what other questions might she ask? She wants me to give her the other woman's telephone number?

If you have nothing to hide then I think you should give it to her. It sounds like she wants to forgive you but before she does she wants the complete entire truth...

Her true motive could be that she wants to punch this woman in the face. Or she just wants all sides of the stories and to let this woman know that she is to leave you alone.
There could be lots of reasons she wants to talk to this woman.
You have broken a trust and you need to rebuild it. If you are going to work this out - you need to try and make a mends every day.

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Originally Posted by eduble

I had an affair, my wife found out and now she wants to talk to the other woman. She says that she just wants to ask her what happened because I have lied about it. What could her true motive be and what other questions might she ask? She wants me to give her the other womans telephone number?

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She wants to hear all the details from someone that isn't you, and she wants to know why that woman participated in betrayal like that. It is often necessary to process the entirety of the situation before healing can begin.

Give her the number. She doesn't trust you anymore and therefore doesn't believe what you have to say about the affair. Do not call The Other Woman and warn her that your wife will be calling.

As mentioned by others, this is necessary in order for your wife to heal and learn to trust you. She needs to know details and feel hurt in order to mend.

Good luck to both of you. I hope your marriage becomes stronger.

Give her the number.

What I wanted to know from the other women - yes women - in my husband's life:
1. how could you not know he was married with children?
2. if you did not know he was married, just how dumb were you to fall for his story? Why didn't you check him out before you jumped into bed with him?
3. if you did know he was married, what in the world did you think (that is right, you did not think) of the consequences?
4. how did you manage to sneak around behind your own husband while meeting my husband? (yes, there was one of his gf's who was married too)
5. was it love or was it the thrill of an adventure?
6. when you found out he was married, why did you keep the affair going?
7. when he and I separated, did you think you were the next in line for marriage to him?
8. how did you feel when he married someone else and not you?

Give your wife this woman's phone number. She needs to have the answers she cannot trust you to honestly give her. It will be painful but at least she will know.

Do what she asks.

You have cheated on her, she should be allowed to talk to this other woman. My very soon to be ex husband cheated on me and I spoke to what I think is all of his girlfriends. I wanted to know how they felt about helping to destroy his wife and children's lives, I wanted to know what on earth would possess them to sleep with another woman's husband, but most of all I wanted to know exactly what he said about me and our marriage, and my abilities as a mother, and let them know that he is a liar. It made me feel better listening to the lies he told and telling them the truth. My favourtie was the 17 year old girl he was sleeping with soon after our daughter was born. It was fantastic telling her that despite him telling her that we hadn't slept together since our daughter was born, I was pregnant with our second child. I may be a sadist but I loved hearing her crying as her world was destroyed, just like she had destroyed mine. She knew good and well he was married with a baby and yet she not only slept with him, but tried to befriend me to hide what they were up to, to justify being in our home while I was at work, having sex in my bed with my husband.

Give her your other woman's number, if you want to move on and re build your relationship with your wife, you need to let her get this out of her system. Denying her it will most likely push her away for good.

That's just my opinion!

How can you be sure that she knew? Did you actually ask or? I still thinks its mean to love seeing someone cry. Are you sure about the befriending to? I mean people do some mean things, but you can't judge the situation until you know for certain and aren't just asuming. I'm sorry that happened to you though.

Raynefreak, she more than knew he was married, she was at our wedding! She had been a friend of a friend of his, though I barely knew her. She accused me of being unable to care for our child, and even helped my ex husband kidnap our daughter when she was a few months old, (thankfully the police found them and brought my daughter back) as my husband had promised her they would get custody of our daughter and he would marry her! I used to work nights in a nightclub, where my husband and I met and while I was at work she used to come to my home and have sex with my husband our marital bed (which was a wedding present!) Cor thinking back to those days makes my blood boil! I loved hearing her cry, she deserved to be hurt like she had hurt me. And the beftriending, most definitely. In the early stages of their relationship she started trying to arrange for me to go out with her and her friends (who incidentally also knew what they were up to) and in the later stages she arranged for us to go on a day trip so she could 'get to know me better, and maybe even become friends', this was while she and my husband were still holding up the pretence of the two of them being friends (they even claimed she had a boyfriend!) while all the while getting up to god knows what in my home.

How long was your jail sentence, squiffy? Surely you tried to kill her. I think I would have just lost it. I really do. When it happened to me - there was denial all over the place. They were just friends. My A$$. When I made contact with the woman - I sent her running - I guess she underestimated me - or thought she was doing nothing wrong. If I had come face to face with her - I would have lost all self control.

I will tell you my experience, hopefully you will see how much it affects a woman?

It ripped my heart out to know that he had ruined everything we had built up in 6 years for the sake of a one night stand. It hurt to know that as far as I was concerned, everything was going great, it hurt that I was giving him sex every other night but that wasn't good enough and he felt he had to get it elsewhere.it hurt that he could look at me and lie about it, that even after he had told me he wouldn't answer my questions and made me feel like I was the one who was wrong.
Nothing was the same after that. I never got my answers, I asked why he did it, he told me because I wasn't there (it was before we moved in together), because I didn't get the answers from him I wanted to know from her, but I never got that, he wouldn't tell me who she was, but I found out myself, if someone hurts me for no reason I want to know why, and if they won't tell me I will find out myself.
Turns out it was a girl he works with, because I didn't get my answers I was left with wanting to know why it happened, how long it went on, where, when, it took me 2 years to get over it.
Give her what she wants from you, it's the least you can do for ripping her heart out.
You didn't mention once that you were sorry for what you did, it more sounds like you are scared of what the other woman would tell your wife... if that's the case tell your wife everything, then give her the number so she can confirm what you say to be true.

You give her the number you relationship is over. She's probably gone anyway. You stuffed up and you deserve it anyway. Hope she kicks you to the curb. Maybe you can go with the woman you cheated with.

Your choice to cheat in the first place , your wife musnt be that great.

I suppose it was OK to marry her maybe you should have thought of that before you thought of what's in your pants. The sex couldn't have been worth losing your wife over could it!! Its amazing what some people want just because of temptation. Im not married but if I ever was I would never cheat on my wife.Why would you marry someone and then do that make the correct choice to begin with and live with that choice.

Thinkm of other peoples feelings not just your own

HO{E SHE LEAVES YOU LONELY...

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Originally Posted by fix-what-you-broke

give her what she wants from you, its the least you can do for ripping her heart out.
you didnt mention once that you were sorry for what you did, it more sounds like you are scared of what the other woman would tell your wife.....if thats the case tell your wife everything, then give her the number so she can confirm what you say to be true.

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I think this is the way to go, as you really should have worried about the consequenses of your actions before you cheated. So since this will be like swallowing bricks, open wide and swallow hard.

You have already done the damage when you had the affair. If you want to get through this with your marriage intact - then you need to give your wife full disclosure. BEFORE she talks to the other woman. Do not let her be surprised by something this woman may say. If you told a web of lies to this woman - tell your wife that. When she talks to this woman and finds out that there isn't more to the story and that you told her everything - she will know you were honest and that can set you on the road to recovery.

Then again, she may not want details from this woman. She may want to know what the heck this woman was thinking. Messing with another woman's husband.

Personally speaking, if I were you, I would not have given the number not because I would have been scared of anything but because it would be to avoid fights and arguments. You think your wife's going to talk all sweet to the other woman and will nip it in the bud later. The other woman will too say lot of things which will only aggravate the situation and the fights will continue. Instead of thinking about anything else at this point in time, ask for forgiveness, that's what you need to do... make her feel special and promise her that she is the woman you will always and truly love... what has happened has happened... u both need to rebuild the trust... it's not going to be easy for her to forgive you, so you will have to keep trying... and let me tell you.. all other relations in the world are fake except those of parents and spouses... all else is temporary. Think about it.

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all other relations in the world are fake except those of parents and spouses... all else is temporary. Think about it.

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And your children. Your post is thought provoking though, as you have some really good points, diya.

Ha ha killing her! Actually it would have been tempting! No, I instead did the stupid thing and let my husband back into my life, just to have several more affairs and beat me up on an all too regular basis! I now have a new partner (I say new, we have been together for two and a half years!) whom I know would never cheat on me, and indeed I am friends with my ex husband (God knows how that happened!) and his new partner (who has cheated on him several times in the two years they have been together, got to love Karma!) I don't hate the girl anymore, the one he cheated on me with (in this instance) I think she was very young and incredibly immature, trying to be big and clever, and it bit her in the butt. I hope it taught her a valuable lesson in life, even though it was a painful one. They seem to be the best!

Squiffy, I'm really sorry to hear how you had it. Deff not the life you or anyone deserves. I just wanted to make sure that you knew all those things you were saying and were assuming. But, I'm glad that life is looking up for you now :-)