I'm in my 30's, and today my mother attacked me. She hit me repeatedly with so much force she broke my nose and blackened both of my eyes. Maybe it was the way she was lunging at me and forcing all of her weight into the swing that made this different. This is the worst she's ever done. When I was a child even into my teens she abused me mentally and emotionally... sometimes physically.

My simple question is: what kind of anger and hate is going through someone's mind when they decide to savagely beat the offspring they blessed the world with?

And when they say I'm sorry... do they really mean it?

Yes, she has an issue with drugs.
Yes, she had me when she was 16.
No, I was never a bad child. I always kept good grades, never got in trouble, never did drugs, never asked for money.

I ask because, I think if she was given the chance... she would kill me.

J

Wow how terrifying, to tell you a personal story. My mom was and still is a drug addict. She one day threatened to kill my unborn child when I was 17 years old. Drug addicts can do some crazy things and there is no excuse for it, she probabaly could kill you if given the chance so don't give it to her... sometimes it is hard but you must let her go. The only thing she cares more about seems to be the drugs and I have learned that from my own mother. Of course she is sorry, but is she sorry enough to give up her lifestyle to make amends to you?

I was always scared to talk with a therapist, scared of being judged. I can't help but feel that somehow this is my fault. However, today I'll learn to let go because yesterday I admitted to the problem. Thank you unveiled for your incite... point taken with a basket of thanks.

This is very sad. You need to file charges against her. Your mother is filled with rage... against the world, that did not turn out as she wanted it to, and you are easy for her to take it out on... she has conditioned you to take her abuse. It will only get worse and worse over the years. Someone has to take steps to get help. Then you need to get in theraphy, one that you are comfortable with. If you are not comfortable or they make you feel like they are judging you, find another one. If you choose to still associate with her let her know that you will have her arrested every time she puts her hands on you and follow through once you make the statement. Do something , please just don't feel hurt over this and let it start all over again. Try to pick up books on abuse , watch t.v. shows on it ,do research on the internet. Learn about it anyway you can. But today You go stand in front of the mirror and repeat this phrase . I am a unique and wonderful human. I have many good things to offer this world and the people that I choose to be around. As of this day . Abusive people will not use me to vent their rage, neither by fist nor by words. I will not allow it. I am in charge of me. I will do what is best for me. May peace be with you

I would agree that this is a really terrible situation for you to be in - even if she is your Mother. You say that your Mother abused you as a child and now that you are an adult she continues to abuse you. You must find a way to get away from her and get help. There is no excuse for this type of physical assault. You are a grown woman and she can no longer continue to treat you this way. This is not a situation for your Mother to say I'm sorry. You need to get away from her and find a way to stay away - even though she is your Mother. There is no doubt in my mind that you are suffering psychological and mental anguish over this situation. Your statement that she would kill you if given the chance is an indication of this.

If you live with her - I would suggest that you call a domestic violence shelter and explain the situation if you have no where to go. Do you have any friends, boyfriend you could move in with? Can you afford to get your own place? You need to make a decision that you will no longer tolerate this abuse.

I urge you to find a therapist that can help you with this situation. You may be in more danger than you realize. Your Mother is out of control and you are not safe to be with her. Your Mother cannot be "reasoned" with - when she has physically assaulted you and you are being hurt and traumatized in this way. She will continue this behavior unless you take action to protect yourself. I urge you to get away and get the help you need.

I don't live with her, however, I do rent a home from her. I decided two years ago to go back to school to get a degree. She's made it very very difficult on me, not one ounce of support. Not that I want it... because I don't, I just want to be left alone. Well, 5 weeks left in this semester and I have two classes to take in the fall. I will finish, might be living in my car, but I will finish.

My grandmother was living with me, she's unable to cook for herself, clean, and such. My mother forced her to move out of my house and in with her. I went to visit my grandmother this morning and I noticed her pain pills were missing (she had surgery this week). I'm not shocked, my grandmother said she's not in pain. I was thinking about calling my grandmothers doctor, and laying on the line. What do you guys think?

As far as your granny goes call council on elderly abuse... or whatever it is called in your area.. you must do something because she can not even begin to protect herself!

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Originally Posted by the dog likes me

I was always scared to talk with a therapist, scared of being judged. I can't help but feel that somehow this is my fault. However, today I'll learn to let go because yesterday I admitted to the problem. Thank you unveiled for your incite... point taken with a basket of thanks.

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Don't be scared of therapy, that's the one place where you will never be judged

Im going to say this but I don't want you to think I am saying in any way shape or form that you deserved or asked for it OK, I just wanted to make that very clear. Having said that, by not pressing charges against her your letting her get away with it. By getting away with it, she will keep doing it. When we put our foot down and say no this is not going to happen anymore and make sure of it, then it doesn't happen anymore. Addicts find people that are the scape goats, they are the ones that don't do anything to stop their behavior. Years ago I was married to an abusive man, and when I finally got the courage to call the authorities and stop letting him get away with the things he was doing, he didn't want to talk to me anymore... problem solved. I didn't have to go through the anguish of trying not to have any contact or listening to him cry, he separated himself from me. And you know why? Because I wasn't one of his scape goats anymore! If he chose to get violent with me or do something to me, he was going to suffer consequences and that is exactly what people with addictions do not want to face.

My grandmothers kids are bad. Simply put, but, she loves them. I talked to an officer this afternoon, he told me that if my mother hits her, its ultimately up to my grandmother to press charges. He can't do anything.

I just want to finish this semester... 5 weeks left, and I'm moving. My concern about pressing charges is this: she (mommy) is a very vindictive person, I've seen her go after people like a vampire hunting for blood, and I don't want to be the pray she's seeking. She will say and do anything to hurt someone else, I'm telling you... she's got enough rage to clean up iraq. She doesn't forget, she doesn't leave things alone, she will lie about anything and everything, she doesn't care. She will get her way. So, for me its better to do a quick midnight move, drop the keys off at the police department, and move on down the road (3000 miles down the road)

A friend of mine told me, she was telling people at work that I attacked her and I was on drugs. She went to the doctor because she was having pain (in her fist, from hitting me) and the doctor gave her some pain pills... nice. All I can do is walk away

But your making excuses for her sweety. I know it doesn't feel like you are, but go back and read what you said above. That's what she is hoping you will say! She wants you to be afraid of her because you keep letting her do it. So when she gets mad and needs someone to punch on, she knows she can come to you because you won't tell! Prove her wrong. You can still do all the other stuff as well, move in the middle of the night and never talk to her again. But don't let her get away with this. Its been going on too damn long. As far as the police saying that your grandmother will have to press charges not you, BS!! Your telling them of a domestic violence situation and he is chosing not to get involved. Abuse against the elderly is not taken lightly but apparently this guy doesn't care. I would call the police department and ask for a supervisor or sergeant. The police can not ignore someone telling them there is abuse going on, period!!

I can see where you are coming from... I agree get your education and get the hell away from her, couldn't you live in a shelter and finish up your school? Then please get yourself some counciling. After you leave for your gramma you need to call council on aging they will not take your mom's . If you have proof or anyone willing to stand with you have them talk to the council aging people as well. Good luck and I wish you peace in your life, you really do deserve it.

Lack of love can keep you a prisoner. It can make you stay around the person who made you miserable because you hope for just one little glimmer of love and maybe even regret. Mixed with that is anger, either covert or overt, like fantasies about how you are going to make her sorry. As a child I thought about either growing up to be rich and famous, or falling out a window and dying. Either way I wanted her to be sorry.

A good friend with an awful mother told me that she (my friend) wasn't free until her mother died. When mine died, I didn't feel free. I'm 63.

My mother was a middle class housewife in a small town, not a drug addict. But her misery with her life was just as bad, I think. You can't measure how much pain is inflicted and how much the children feel like they were supposed to have never been born.

Congratulations on school and your plans to move and the way you are coping. I hope you feel like you have a 'self' of your own when you are gone. It can take a lifetime, but that's OK.