Dear experts,


This guy and I have been seeing each other for 6 months and as with any relationship, we had a few bits of drama, but never to the point of separation. However, on Friday night, I called him and he was crying because his ex girlfriend had belittled him severely in front of a mass crowd of people. Of course, I was there for him, let him cry and get his heat off his chest, but in my mind, I was questioning whether he still had feelings for her, because sometimes he'd say stuff like I don't know where I want to be as far as a relationship, but I want to be with you. Anyway, things went okay, but not back to normal. On mother's day he called me and was like he'd never told me that a cousin rapped him when he was a kid, and that he felt like he was a looser and junk, but he was still okay. I called him constantly and checked on him, and he assured me that he was fine. But when Tuesday came around, he was like he needed me to let him get his head together, and told one of our mutual friends that he and I don't mess around anymore. He stated that it's not like that, but he needed me to give him time to get it together. He then was like why don't you go invest time in some of those guys who are always trying to talk to you, but then he was like, laughing, then said naw I just b.sn... I feel in my heart that I should give him time, and wait, but what do you think... time is only one month for me... please help!!

My impression is that this guy is a loser and that you are wasting your time.
He sounds weak. He sounds needy. He sounds like he doesn't have much self esteem. I'm older, with much experience, and if some guy acted like that with me now... forget it. I've got better things to do.
We all learn from our own experience but we can make good judgement calls without this experience. We all feel that we should listen to our hearts but sometimes we should just use our common sense. Good luck!
Patty

Yes - this guy sounds real weak and imature - lots of growing for him. He will only give you pain.

He needs to learn to dish it right back in his gals face - make fun of her. It will freak her and she would shut up.

This may sound odd to some of you, but hear me out. I know that the man I speak of sounds weak, but he is not. And by no means am I making excuses for his tail either. I've told him get it together, or loose me, because I REALLY can't take another heartbreak. Though I am giving him time, I won't contact him, nor will I have sex with him until I feel I can trust that he won't hurt me... but I am feeling sick to my stomach without him. I can't eat, all I want is liquids, and they are getting old too, so I just don't drink anything. But I know I am putting my health at risk, but I love him, and I believe that you know true love when it's there, I also believe in the power of prayer. I pray everyday that God send me a sign or let me see it through the naked eye if he's not right for me. Nothing yet, and trust me, this has worked in the past, because I asked the same prayer about my ex and God put it in my face, not to mention showed his true sexuality was homosex... so, please offer adivce... missthang

See... that's a huge problem here. SO many people who come here have the same problem. They put their Significant Other before anything and that = heartache and what you are going through.

Your lover is PART OF YOUR LIFE!! NOT your life. You HAVE to understand this. You need other things in your life - school, work, family, friends, religion, hobbies, WORKOUTS! rtc.

When you put someone so far ahead in your life, you end up like this. It's terrible. Only time healths this. You have to learn not to get so involved - especially early. It takes 3 to 6 motnhs or more to become exclusive - you can't get so involved - date other people.

You - should really go to this website: lovetactics.com - read the articles

Hi!
I'm going through the same thing, had a guy friend for 1 yr and 4 m.
It's so hard, but you can do it! Just focus on the future and all the people that really loves u. They deserve your love, not him.

Good luck! Just be strong.