Ask Me Help Desk - Can a stepmom keep kids if the bio father dies?

I have 2 step children 7boy 5girl. My husband has full custody of our 2 children and I want to know my rights to them if something were to ever happen to him (we are going to put together a will soon and some questions have been coming up). Their bio mom is a drug addict but her mom would take my kids if she could. I know it would be best for them to stay with me they hardly know their mom or grandma anymore.
Would I still be able to keep my kids?

That's a tough one to answer. If you can show proof she is an unfit mother, then you have a chance. But you really need to speak to an attorney about this. If her rights were terminated by the courts, then you would have a legal leg to stand on. Something like this, it is always best to get the legal counsel from someone right there where you live. Best of all to you and your husband and children.

It honestly depends but if she has a drug problem she will have to prove that she has changed and has a good paying job, etc. If she can really change her life and get her life together than it is a very good chance that she can get full custody of the children but the courts will look at the best interest of the child and NO court will give a drug attic a child.

She will have to change her lifestyle, the courts will also look at the children's age and they will most likely ask the children who they want to live with. The courts will also look at who has been taking care of the children for the longest, for instance if you basically claim the children as your own because you and your husband has been together a long time, etc.

Why not try to adopt the children? The mother may not like this but it is very possible that you can adopt them, if she don't sign over her rights to the children (you already know that she wont) then you can fight for adoption and the courts will give her a period in which she has to get a job and her life together, meaning no drugs, etc and most likely she will fail at this and you can adopt the children if you want to.

I don't know the situation but if she is not in the children's life or in and out of there life and you are basically there sole mother why not adopt them so that you don't have to worry about losing them at all if something was to happen to your husband. If your husband was to die and he has a will for you to raise the children and not their bio mom that does not mean that she want eventually get custody if she changes her life and stops doing drugs, gets a job, home, etc and you could lose the children and that is why I recommend adoption. Also on the other hand if something was to happen, I am sure your children would be much older then and have a right to whom they choose to live with.

Just seek some advice on this but from experiences NO courts will give children to a un-fit mother or one who is on drugs. The Children will stay with you if he dies or will go to her mother if she is fit but that is still rare and you will most likely when custody of the children. If her mother goes to court and she can provide a good living situation as a grandmother and the kids want to live with her it is possible she can win with a good lawyer but most likely you will get custody of his children. The best thing to do would be to adopt them if they already know you as mom!

I just read your age that you are only 21 years old!! You have the big responsibility of 2 kids ages 7 and 5 and haven't been with your current husband long and you already thinking about what happens with the kids when he dies! I am guessing that your husband is much older than you... If he was to die recenltly or later on for that matter you most likely would NOT get custody but the mother would or if the mother is not fit than the grandmother woluld get custody most likely because right now you are very young and don't even know the children that much. If I had gradchildren and my daughters ex husband died I would fight for the custody as much as possible, especcially because you are so young and haven't been married long.

Unless The Biological mother signs papers for you to adopt them you have no legal rights no matter what her history is. So if she is as into drugs as you say I would surely seek out an attorney to deal with this.. . I do know that when a parent has been out of the picture for 7 years with no contact. You would be allowed to adopt the children after running an ad in the news paper of the last county she lived that you know of.

I hope this helps.. but still I would ask someone in the family devision of law.

You have no rights what so ever, their mom, would have first claim, if she was unfit, his parents, her parents, his brothers and sisters all would have a claim. But you would have none what so ever. ( sorry this is not what you want to hear)

If you can get her to sign over her rights now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brandy681

I just read your age that you are only 21 years old!!! You have the big responsibilty of 2 kids ages 7 and 5 and haven't been with your current husband long and you allready thinking about what happens with the kids when he dies!? I am guessing that your husband is much older than you... If he was to die recenltly or later on for that matter you most likely would NOT get custody but the mother would or if the mother is not fit than the grandmother woluld get custody most likely because right now you are very young and don't even know the children that much. If I had gradchildren and my daughters ex husband died I would fight for the custody as much as possible, especcially because you are so young and haven't been married long.

Your right I have only been married for a year but Ive had my children for 3 years since my daughter was 2(shes 5 now) and my son was 4(hes 7 now almost 8)
My husband is 23 he had kids at a young age.
I love my children more than anything they are in all rights my children. The bio mom only comes around twice a year at easter right before my daughters birthday and on my daughters birthday. Also that's about the only time her mom sees them either. And its not because we prevent it. I do everything I can to let her see them.
The reason we have been thinking of death so much is because a few of our friends got in a bad accident and one died and the other 3 were very close.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You have no rights what so ever, thier mom, would have first claim, if she was unfit, his parents, her parents, his brothers and sisters all would have a claim. But you would have none what so ever. ( sorry this is not what you want to hear)

If you can get her to sign over her rights now.

How could I get her to sign over rights any ideas. Every lawyer Ive spoken to says its next to impossible to get the rights taken from the mother even if she's unfit

Quote:

Originally Posted by brandy681

It honestly depends but if she has a drug problem she will have to prove that she has changed and has a good paying job, etc. If she can really change her life and get her life together than it is a very good chance that she can get full custody of the children but the courts will look at the best interest of the child and NO court will give a drug attic a child.

She will have to change her lifestyle, the courts will also look at the childrens age and they will most likely ask the children who they want to live with. The courts will also look at who has been taking care of the children for the longest, for instance if you basically claim the children as your own because you and your husband has been together a long time, etc.

Why not try to adopt the children?? The mother may not like this but it is very possible that you can adopt them, if she don't sign over her rights to the children (you allready know that she wont) then you can fight for adoption and the courts will give her a period in which she has to get a job and her life together, meaning no drugs, etc and most likely she will fail at this and you can adopt the children if you want to.

I don't know the situation but if she is not in the childrens life or in and out of there life and you are basically there sole mother why not adopt them so that you don't have to worry about losing them at all if something was to happen to your husband. If your husband was to die and he has a will for you to raise the children and not their bio mom that does not mean that she want eventually get custody if she changes her life and stops doing drugs, gets a job, home, etc and you could lose the children and that is why I recommend adoption. Also on the other hand if something was to happen, I am sure your children would be much older then and have a right to whom they choose to live with.

Just seek some advice on this but from experiences NO courts will give children to a un-fit mother or one who is on drugs. The Children will stay with you if he dies or will go to her mother if she is fit but that is still rare and you will most likely when custody of the children. If her mother goes to court and she can provide a good living situation as a grandmother and the kids want to live with her it is possible she can win with a good lawyer but most likely you will get custody of his children. The best thing to do would be to adopt them if they allready know you as mom!

Everyone I've spoken to has said that its next to impossible to get the rights taken from the bio mom even if she isn't fit. I would love to adopt my children I know it would be in the best interest of them. They hardly know her or her family because the only time they are around is my daughters birthday and easter which is around the same time.
Thank you so much for your advise I really appreciate it.

There is no way to force her to sign over her rights, while not proper, some people have offered monetary rewards, or to forgive past child support due. Or really dog them, have their thrown into jail if they are behind on child support till they would be willing to give up rights to get out of paying chid support if you adopted the child.

Each state has laws about taking away the rights if the child has nothing to do with the child for a number of years.