:( My daughter is 25 married and has two children. We had an argument one year ago and we have not had contact since. The last thing she did was hang up on me for saying something stupid. I called back and her husband told me that they wished me dead and I was never to call again. I haven't.

I miss my daughter and I have yet to meet one of my grandchildren. I am depressed and am having a hard time feeling any joy in life. Her husband is an ex convict and a very controlling nasty man. I fear for my daughter and miss her. What should I do.

Maybe you could start with a letter? THis is probably the least confrontational. Tell her how you feel and give her all of your contact information so that if she wishes to contact you she can. Give her time after she receives the letter to think on it. It is likely that she misses your relationship too. I hope this works out for you.

First, I must say that as the mother and the older of two adults you should never have let a year go by without attempting to make contact. Anger and pride only remove us from the things and people we love. That said, I agree with Lacey that writing a letter is a good place to start. Wait for a response. If you don't give one, I'd try calling, at least once. If she chooses to carry on ignoring you, at least you will know you tried to reconnect with her. I am sure she misses you and thinks of you. She is probably too proud to apologize first. Also, if her husband is as you describe him, he may not be letting her contact you. I really hope you and your daughter make amends. My mother and I went through a similar situation several years ago, but it didn't last as long as a year. Since we put it behind us we are closer than ever before. I wish the same for you and your daughter. Good luck.

A year Mom? That is way to long, you need to do something quick. Writeing a letter is a good idea, you can get your point across without anyone hanging up on you, but I'd be very careful about placing the blame on anyone, just tell her how you feel, how much you love and miss her and want to be apart of her life. Anything else you need to say you can say later. Don't bash her husband in the letter, he might read it and that would cause even more problems. And if I were you, I would call her to see if she got your letter and go from there. Good luck and God Bless.

All good and heart-felt answers above.

A letter would be good. It is something concrete that she can hold in her hands and read, think about and decide for herself as to a response, or no response. Not so much like so much of the very impersonal ways that we have of communicating now.

Please be patient with her, and also her husband. You are her mother and always will be her mother. Choose your words carefully. Write from your heart. Run what you write by someone first to see what they think after explaining the situation to them.

Be an example for them to follow, and I mean this in regards to all of them, adults and children. If it happens that you do see your grandchildren again, (not sure if this is one or two grandchildren) it is a good opportunity for you to teach them gently and gradually about how people need to treat each other so that everyone will get along and live lives together in peace and harmony in spite of the difficulties that are bound to arise.

It is risk we take when we want to have relationships. If we want the relationships, then they must be maintained.

An old saying: "The best mirror is a friend's eye." Oftentimes we are not able to see clearly what is happening in a situation because we are so emotionally involved in it. It helps to have others who are close to us who are not so emotionally involved to help us to see things as they really are.

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Originally Posted by Rastis

:( My daughter is 25 married and has two children. We had an arguement one year ago and we have not had contact since. The last thing she did was hang up on me for saying something stupid. I called back and her husband told me that they wished me dead and I was never to call again. I haven't.

I miss my daughter and I have yet to meet one of my grandchildren. I am depressed and am having a hard time feeling any joy in life. Her husband is an ex convict and a very controlling nasty man. I fear for my daughter and miss her. What should I do.

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I have no solution but as a mom my heart goes out to you.I will remember you in my prayers and I wish you well

Just a quick aside from all the advice above. From the perspective of your daughter, please be sure and mention how much you love her and miss her. Don't mention the negative for now. And be sure that you focus on missing HER not the grandchildren. As the daughter she may want to know that you care about her... not just the grandchildren. My parents tried to initiate contact but only made it sound like they wanted to see my kids... not me. It hurt even more. If one letter doesn't work... write another the next week. At some point you might try to call but I would say that writing for awhile might be your best bet to help both of you bridge the gap. Don't give up. Some say you should but I completely disagree. We all want to know that our parents will never give up on us. Be patient and focus on what you miss with your daughter. I'll be rooting for you both. Cathy

Maybe consider taking it to the talk show hosts like Tyra Banks or Dr. Phil

I agree with the others. My father and I did not speak for 4 years (he missed my high school graduation and everything) I did not want to talk to him and would avoid going places where he might be. We (like you and your daughter) had an argument over the phone and that was that. The only difference is I didn't have a controlling husband. Finally, after 4 years my father called me, I was so happy, I cried I was so happy and he apologized to me, a sincere apology. I waited 4 years for that and thought about him every single day. I'm sure she misses you, but since she doesn't think she's at fault she will probably not contact you first. The letter is a good idea too but if the husband gets a hold of it first I'm afraid she might not receive.

TRY, that's all you can do. If it doesn't work out as planned, at least you know you made a valid effort.

Good luck with everything.

Hi how are you guys? My husband haven't seen his kid in 3 years because of immigrations rules... please guys come to our page on Facebook and help us to make people hear me for helping my daughter and my husband please .

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I'm sorry for you that you've had to suffer,it wasn't just you,your daughter after hanging up could have
Made an attempt to apologize.I too have been going through this same situation with my daughter for over 10 yrs on and off.shes nice it gets better,then boom?its hard on the mom too!we love our daughters and want to be close.