We adopted two special needs boys three years ago. Since it has been horrible. The uncontroled behavior. WE are trapped in our home. No one will babysit. Our lives have changed so drastically. They were small when we adopted them the issues just arose over the last three years. My husband says I pushed him into it. Its all my fault. I am so depressed I hate my life. I sit home 24/7. bored to tears and resent what I have done to my older children and my whole family. Is there hope? Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advise..

My (now ex) husband and I adopted a child with special needs when he was eleven. He had been our foster son for about a year and a half before the adoption. So I am aware of what you are experiencing.

There are programs out there for parents and children but you need to fit the criteria. Are your sons developmentally disabled, physically disabled, have emotional/behavioral disorders, etc. Do you have a casemanager for the boys? Usually the casemanagement comes from a division of your state's Human Services Department. Have you accessed any of that?

Do your sons have an IEP in their school? If they are too young to be in school, they are still entitled to early childhood intervention. There are family support programs out there, but it depends on the state.

But you are not alone. There are millions of us parents whose children have special needs and we deal with all the issues all the time. There is help out there.

Please let me know what disabilties your sons have and I have resources that may help you. You can email me at [email protected]. I really want you to know that you do not have to feel alone. God bless you.

I am currently working with parents in your situation. You are possibly intitled to extra funds from DSS if they were adopted through social services. Also they should have received medicaid insurance which will help to pay for some special programs. Since I don't know the ages I can't be specific but there are some services available if they have a mental health or Developmental Diagnosis. Look for a support group in your area. Get involved with others who are in the same position and you may be able to trade off babysitting since they will understand your children's needs. I am sorry you feel so trapped when you set out to give two boys a great family and it has torn yours apart. I see it often. FYI these is currently a legal battle going on over an adoption of a dangerous child that DSS did not advise the family and he hurt someone. They are suing the state. Hopefully this will raise awareness so that all parities can be informed of the special challenges and be better prepared. Good luck to you and your family.

Hey fowler, have you tried anything? How are these children so hard to deal with, I guess I really want to know how the children are so I could give you advice on maybe how to make it a lot nicer to live with them. You may want to include ages as well. I am a childcare giver for 3 foster boys that were at first extremely hard to handle but with a few things done, they never even want to go home anymore! I know it has been a long time coming for a break and we might be able to help you! Good luck!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fowlerbunch

We adopted two special needs boys three years ago. Since it has been horrible. the uncontroled behavior. WE are trapped in our home. No one will babysit. Our lives have changed so drastically. They were small when we adopted them the issues just arose over the last three years. My husband says I pushed him into it. Its all my fault. I am so depressed I hate my life. I sit home 24/7. bored to tears and resent what I have done to my older children and my whole family. Is there hope? Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advise..

---

This sounds so familiar to me. We adopted back in 2003 with no information about the child history, and my house has been a total nightmare. There have been sleepless nights because we are up monitoring the house and the safety of the other children constantly. His medications have been changed four times within the last seven months, and I have asked for assistance from the county through there adoption subsidies but this was added drama for us. We have been to many psychologists, and psychiatrist who have recommended residential but that became another battle. After stealing a great deal of money from us, we decided we could not take anymore. Eventually, we gave him back to the county and this is another battle. My remaining children are more at peace and no longer terrorize. Good luck to you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fowlerbunch

We adopted two special needs boys three years ago. Since it has been horrible. the uncontroled behavior. WE are trapped in our home. No one will babysit. Our lives have changed so drastically. They were small when we adopted them the issues just arose over the last three years. My husband says I pushed him into it. Its all my fault. I am so depressed I hate my life. I sit home 24/7. bored to tears and resent what I have done to my older children and my whole family. Is there hope? Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advise..

---

I foster parented and after 3 yrs. Adopted three children. I have been through a living nightmare, good times at times then back to horrible times, no freedom for me at all. They have stole, tore up tv's , vcr's, you name it, dug holes in walls while I am all the time giving them as much as I could. I call the police and they can'd do anything. Is there anyway out until they are 17. Everyone legal person says no because they have not committed the crimes that call for removal, yet I am at my wits in.

I have a 16 yr.old that has been unruly from the time I adopted her at about 4 yrs. Old.

She steals, talks back, gang related, very sexual oral and intercourse, does not attend classes regular, skips and goes off with boys. She hates me because she has no freedom tto hang out with her friends but I cannot trust her. The law comes but they can't remove her from my home. We are at each other all the time.

I am very tired of it and need advice how to remove her before she destroys her brothers thinking.

What do I do. I live in Ga.

I work with families like you all every day. I see good people trying to help children and then getting much more than they bargained for. You can seek help through your local mental health programs. There are great residential programs that can help if they have a mental health diagnosis. Most do. If you are not aware of how to reach a mental health center you can search the division of mental health for your state and they should have a listing by counties. In NC you can be linked to an Local Management Entity and they will refer you to local private providers. You then will ask for a psychological assessment and ask about resources for treatment. Also if your child is danger to himself or others they may the criteria for inpatient hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. To do this most states require you go to a magistrate and take out a petition showing how this person is a danger. The sheriff will pick up the child and take to a crisis center for further eval to see if they need inpatient stay. I wish I could be more help but not knowing the programs where you live I can only speak to our area. Good luck to you all. I hope you can find the help you all need.

ALL THESE KIDS HAVE RAD! It is hard but there is hope but you need to realize traditional therapy do not work! You need an attachment therpist and I suggest reading books about RAD. Yes I have rased one of these kids. He went from hurting me to showing love and respect. It was NOT easy and took 3 years but I enjoy him and I think he is wonderful.

This thread is very old.

Please watch dates when responding.

Thread closed.