Ask Me Help Desk - Step child problems

Can anyone help me?

I am in a good strong relationship with my partner. We have two boys aged 4 and 5 from other relationships.

My partners son lives with us as his mother died of cancer when he was just 3 months old. He thinks of me and calls me mummy - and I love him a lot, but the only trouble with him is he is very mardy and is very silly to the point where we seem to be telling him off all of the time at the moment.

He only really behaves like this when my 4 year old son is around. He is constantly trying to get him in to trouble etc.

This behavior is starting to get my partner down and we really do not know what to do about it. He is a very cleaver child and I have tried to explain to him that we love him, but this silly behavior makes us cross and we do not want to be cross with him.

Every day, he say's he is going to stop doing it - but every day it is getting worse... HELP PLEASE ANYONE...

He just wants you to notice him. Do not encourge him. But do spend a little more one on one time, talk don't scold. Its hard to loose a mother, even though he may call you mom. Most of all hang in there. Stay by his side and let him know you do love him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kate28

Can anyone help me?

I am in a good strong relationship with my partner. We have two boys aged 4 and 5 from other relationships.

My partners son lives with us as his mother died of cancer when he was just 3 months old. He thinks of me and calls me mummy - and I love him a lot, but the only trouble with him is he is very mardy and is very silly to the point where we seem to be telling him off all of the time at the moment.

He only really behaves like this when my 4 year old son is around. He is constantly trying to get him in to trouble etc.

This behavior is starting to get my partner down and we really do not know what to do about it. He is a very cleaver child and I have tried to explain to him that we love him, but this silly behavior makes us cross and we do not want to be cross with him.

Every day, he say's he is going to stop doing it - but every day it is getting worse......HELP PLEASE ANYONE......

It really does sound like he wants your attention. I'm sure you give him that but when your biolgical son is there he must feel threatened. Bad attention is still attention. That is my take.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kate28

Can anyone help me?

I am in a good strong relationship with my partner. We have two boys aged 4 and 5 from other relationships.

My partners son lives with us as his mother died of cancer when he was just 3 months old. He thinks of me and calls me mummy - and I love him a lot, but the only trouble with him is he is very mardy and is very silly to the point where we seem to be telling him off all of the time at the moment.

He only really behaves like this when my 4 year old son is around. He is constantly trying to get him in to trouble etc.

This behavior is starting to get my partner down and we really do not know what to do about it. He is a very cleaver child and I have tried to explain to him that we love him, but this silly behavior makes us cross and we do not want to be cross with him.

Every day, he say's he is going to stop doing it - but every day it is getting worse......HELP PLEASE ANYONE......

One thing might be for everyday he is good he gets a reward which can be just about anything a new book an extra few minutes of TV a bag of m&ms or what ever works, but for everyday he isn't good then you get to take your pick of something of his to take away for a limited amount of time. It worked for my husband's grandson.

Take it from someone who has been there. Me. I did odd behavior as a child because I wanted to be noticed. I remember it and I cringe at how I embarrassed my parents and siblings. Mine stemmed from lack of attention. My mom would tell you I did not lack attention, but I did. The only behaviour they noticed was my bad behaviour or silly behaviour. When you speak to your child about stopping, set a goal. Something like "when you start kindergarten...". Unconditional love works. Even if he is silly, he just wants acceptance. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying you don't accept him, but we have to understand what HE is feeling is why he is acting. I can tell you are a very loving parent, it is obvious in your words. Just love on him. Silly or not. It will pass unless he feels that it is the only way to get attention. I believe in what Tessy says... that your son may be a threat to your other son. While you may not see yourself paying special attention to your son any more than you do your other son, maybe you other son sees something you don't.