Two weeks ago, my GF of 18 months decided she needed a "break". I want to state that she is a very busy girl: 2 jobs, one 4 year old daughter, and a full time school schedule for the next three years (including summers) and our relationship was long distance (she lives in my hometown and I live an hour or so away).

I really did not see this coming because up to this point things have been going great, we have discussed marriage (mainly she has discussed it) and she has never voiced any doubts to me. We have never really had a fight, some minor disagreements but nothing crazy. She really has not given me any answers as to what she is thinking or where this is heading. I love this girl so much, but I am really having doubts as to how to handle this situation. She did tell me that she is still in love with me, but that her instincts were telling her to do this.

I kind of lost it for the first 5 days. I was calling her siblings and acting like a nut. I emailed her last Thursday to apologize for the calls and told her I finally had my head back on my shoulders and that she forced me to take a hard look in the mirror at myself and I need to change something's (mainly my activity level). She responded back and said thanks for the email and said she agreed that I summed things up in my email of her feelings. She also stated that she wants to be friends but to take a few weeks (as friends) apart (her words).

I have really found the other posts to be very helpful. I am in the no-contact zone and have been for 6 days ( no email ) and 10 days since we have spoken on the phone. I have started exercising and actually I have already lost 10 pounds in 10 days. I feel great and have actually made amends with some other people in my life that I had been neglecting. I really am feeling great about my life other than this GF shizz. I feel like I have grown more as a person in the last 5 - 10 days than the last 5 years of my life.

I actually found out a few days after my realization of my laziness that she was having a problem with my laziness from her brother. It feels like we came to the same conclusions independently. I am on the road to conquering this complacency and laziness which feels really good.

I guess my question is am I handling this OK or should I do something different

Sounds like your on the right track. We all are allowed a few mistakes (contact) in the beginning. But just give her space, work on making yourself an interesting person and work on your life without her. Whether she comes back, you'll be a better person, more interesting, and more desirable.

Be careful before becoming "friends". Its impossible to become an ex's friend right away because the feelings are still there! I find that when one suggests friends, it means that the want to alleviate some guilt, or cause the partner who still loves them to be a safety net just in case they want you back. If your okay with that, then proceed with caution.

Keep your accomplishments, like losing weight etc.. To yourself, don't go right out and tell her. But there's nothing wrong with talking to a mutual friend, someone who will get word back to her that your doing and looking great.

In the end, she needs to realize what life without you is like, so give it to her. Contact drives them further away (I am a testiment to this, my break ended in a break up, one of the reason was I didn't give a break to him). So take it easy, keep busy, have some fun and keep us posted!

Your doing the same thing I would have suggested. No matter how hard it is don't call her. And be patient others will drift through so relax. Have a jog.

Does anyone think this chick will be back?

I finally talked to my exgf today without being totally delirious. We broke up 2 weeks ago after 18 months, and the first week I was a total basket case. This was caused by the shock ( I really did not see it coming) and the method of how she did it (over the phone).

I think it was a great talk and although we are not getting back together, I feel closure. I got some stuff off my chest about things I wish I did differently. I also feel kind of relieved about some of the things she mentioned in the talk. Like missing me and thinking about me. I did not like some things though, like her wanting to be friends. I said that probably would not be possible because I have no idea what that would mean. She also mentioned thinking about having sex with me which I am not sure how to take.

I wonder what everyone thinks about this info. I feel pretty decent about it. It just puts to rest the anxiety I have been feeling about her hating me because I went so richter the first couple of days. I really feel like I can move on and enjoy the crap out of this summer. I just hope I feel this way when I wake up tomorrow.

She called me too, I have been no contact for 7 days.

SHE STILL WANTS TO HAVE YOU IN HER LIFE BUT AT THE MOMENT DOES NOT FEEL THAT YOU ARE THE ONE.

I know how too fix this you are still in her mind and she is still making a decision. You have to remain in no contact she will definitely contact you again. You have to refuse the sex MAYBE!! This is ify sex can keep the emotion in but what you must not do is be to keen . If she wants the action fine but make sure you get her over and banfg the hell out of her show her that your in charge.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE THE MOST IMPORTANT. THE REASON SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME AND THAT IS A HUGE EMOTIONAL THING FOR A GIRL SHE WILL BE FEELING LIKE SHE EWANTS YOU TO GIVE IT TO HER SO BAD. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. IF YOU GIVE IT TO HER YOU MUST MUST MUST!! SEND HER ON HER WAY ONCE YOURVE FINISHED WITH HER Don't LET HER SIT AROIND... DO IT NOW LET US KNOW CHAMP ON THE UPDATE

We did talk about a party we are both invited to for a mutual friend. Surprise Birthday party, I have no idea what to expect, I want to go in with no expectations if possibe, its not for a couple weeks.

No more talk mate nothing to the party. If she mentions it say nothing your too busy too talk now your moving on, even though your not you have to put across that your not playing or standing for this you don't do breaks your awinner your getting aqnother girl there's plenty of opportunities and girls for you... By not speakingto her she will wonder what yourdoing and alotof the time they think the worst like oh his gone someone else has him I've lost!! 1

Then they call more thinking they waa reconcile can we try again. If this happens tell them your not sure now you need time... keep me posted...

I hear what mckenzie is saying here... "THE REASON SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME"... from a woman's side of things, I can say that for me sleeping with someone else now would be like learning to swim all over again.
I know what he likes,what he doesn't, and with someone new you have to learn all over again.. but in your case that should be part of the fun ;-p, in my case it doesn't apply.
I thinks its normal for her to miss you, and even want to sleep with you, after all you have been together for a while, people need time to ajust to being alone again.
Keep up with the no contact until you feel ready to be a friend, that's if you ever do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fix-what-you-broke

ikeep up with the no contact until you feel ready to be a friend, thats if you ever do.

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I plan on keeping this up, I am going to see her Sunday. I hope to make that a hi and bye exchange of our property. I want to not talk to her until June 9th after that, we will be at a party for a mutual friend.

I also want to say that I am not sure she wants to have sex, she just told me she has been thinking about it. I am not trying to toot my own horn here, but the sex was fantastic and she always remarked what a stress reliever it was. I guess I will just let this play out and see where it heads.

You are not her friend. Time to face reality and work on yourself.

Jiser you are totally correct. I am not her friend and told her I don't think that is possible. I feel like I can focus on myself because truly I have already been doing it. I just need to keep it going.

YOU WROTE YOU Don't THINK IT POSSIBLE TO BE HER FRIEND!!

There is no chance of being friends wit her. She still wants to sleep with you cause she is still emotionally attached my ex did this to me afte a month I slept with her got me no where. Don't do it, better off if you don't will even make her want it more. That's the idea here give her nothing

What's THIS CRAP ABOUT MEETING ON SUNDAY THOUGHT YOU WERE IN NO CONTACT THAT MEANS NO TALKING

GET SERIOUS WITH THIS SHOW HER YOUR GONE GET SOME BALLS TELL HER DROP YOUR STUFF OFF AT YOUR HOUSE YOUR O BUSY TO GET IT. TELL HER THA HER STUFF WILL BE ON YOUR FRONT DOOR CAN SHE GET IT AND DROP YOUR GEAR OFF.

YOU Don't WANT TO SEE HER TILL THE PARTY SHE Won't KNOW What's GOING ON11!

If youy want to win her back you better get serious and learn how this is done and if it doesn't work you will feel beter anyway...

Don't see her get your stuff dropped off keep her guessing. She dumped you she doesn't getto talk to you now. Your not part of her ife leave a void!! DO IT NOW

Tell that girl "To hell with you and all your friends!" -Taking Back Sunday!. Leave that girl! It's going to be hard the first 2 months... but it gets easier by the third but still a little hard... By the fourth u should be king of the world again!

If you will read others going through the same thing, keeping in contact with the ex only leads to confusion, and their can be no healing under those circumstances. The same goes for sex, as this also keeps false hope alive, and makes moving on impossible. Stay with the no contact and above all, put your healing before anything else including her concerns which means absolutely nothing to you now.

Thanks for keeping us strong Talaniman... Pretty much come here to hear your advice. Please give me some on my threads!

Well like I mentioned in previous posts I had some stuff of my ex's and she had some of my stuff. Well I decided tonight was the night for total closure.

I told her she is a coward, for numerous reasons. The way she approached this and her inablity to talk to me about any of it. I also told her she is acting juvenile, and that I will not be friends with her. I said maybe not tonight but at some point in the future you will realize how big of a mistake she has made. I told her to never call me because I will never be able to trust her again. She is a total coward, and I am done thinking any other way about it. I do not need her, I am going to come out of this better than ever.

I'm glad and good luck.