Aches and Pains
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Thank God we can all still drive," said one woman cheerfully.
Little Tim's Goldfish
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."
Cat Poker
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
For The Kids...
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog!
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest!
What happens if you eat a hot frog?
You'll croak in no time!
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new!
What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy!
