My baby's father is giving me hell because I won't name the baby after him, but I'm being nice enough to choose to give him his last name, because I am 6 months pregnant and he hasn't given me a single dollar since I been pregnant. He's been on and off jobs, he hasn't provided for anything I don't even live with him, and I haven't put him on child support, I don't even want him to sign the birth certificate but he wants to make my life miserable I don't know what to I don't even want him in my life but I don't want to keep him out of the baby's life.

If he is the biological father and he is not judged unfit, you may have a tough time keeping him off the birth certificate and keeping him away from his child. He does have rights too. It is best to try and work through your own problems with this guy, at least to be tolerable with each other, for the sake of the baby. You can agree to disagree with each other but at least be respectful and acknowledge each other's rights and always remember that the child comes before either one of you now.

I'm not saying that I want to keep him out of the babies life, but I want boundaries and limits to his rights because he doesn't deserve it he has treated me VERY VERY badly and has disrespected me so much its unacceptable, He has anger problems and threatens me all kinds of things that I cannot tolerate.

Well a few things, you can't get him for child support till the baby is born, and please do that right after, maybe even have the attorney have the paperwork ready to file. Also if you are not living together get a temp custody order to have legal custody after the baby is born.
No if you are not married in most states he can not force you to put him on the birth certificate

Money is not a factor in deciding what to name your baby. If you want to name the baby after him... do so... if not... don't. He cannot choose the name. You need to check your state but my daughter recently went through this and she couldn't put "dad" on the birth certificate without him/her both getting papers notarized, etc. She was able to put the "dad's" last name as you can name the baby anything you want... I understand your frustration/delimna with your baby's dad however he has rights. I would try to talk with him as working things out (even minimally) would be best for everyone. You can set things up to have the "typical" visitation schedule along with child support which would limit how much contact you would have with one another. Remember, he is just using whatever he can to get to you right now. Cathy

This is only my opinion. You chose this individual to make this baby with (whether you meant to or not) your child has a right to a father weather or not he supports you. During pregnancy he is not under any legal liability to support you (from what I understand) you need to think about the child, put aside your petty squabbles sit down with a nice strong cup of decaf coffee and spend a long eve with your baby's daddy and try to come up with a solution. On suggestion is to use the mans middle name as your child's first and first as a middle. Anyway if you are willing to sit down with this man and are open for discussion, if he is at all reasonable he should be willing to review options.

Mar I want this to be clear: I am not trying to give you advice on how to keep the father from this child.

Now, that being said I would also like to give you a bit of advice that will help you protect your rights.
Without:
1. The two of you being married when the baby is born
2. His name on the birth certificate (and no you do not have to list him)
3. DNA, which can not be done until the baby is born and will usually take 6 weeks for the results
4. An affidavit of paternity
5. A court order
He has absolutely no legal rights to your child. I says this in the event he becomes even more difficult and threatens to take your child because "he is the dad" you will know that he can not do that. Although you do acknowledge that he is dad, without legal proof of it he has no rights. That will allow you to breathe easy until you can establish paternity and a court order which I absolutely suggest you do immediately after birth to protect you and your child. These situations, even though you hope for the best and want to give the benefit of the doubt, can turn sour and brutally ugly very fast. But knowing that information will keep him from torturing you until you get a court order.

Good luck with your situation, I too had a child out of wedlock and the father gave me a hard time about not giving our little boy his last name. I told him I wanted the baby to have my last name in case anything ever happened between us it wouldn't make it hard on my son with having a different last name as his mom. Long story short, he assured me we were "going to be together forever" well the baby came, he signed the affidavit, the baby got his last name and now we are split up. My baby has his last name but it hasn't really caused any problems that I have run into YET! Yes, it still kind of hurts me that my namesake doesn't even have my name, but he is still MY son, MY blood, and his fathers. If you are definitely sure that he is your baby's father, I advise you having the affidavit of parentage signed at the hospital, trust me they will bring you lotsa paperwork the day after the baby is born. And if you are wanting to get the child support you need to take care of the child you will need this affidavit signed by him, at least in my state you do. I have child support papers sitting in front of me right now as I type. Like I said earlier good luck with this situation. ;)

MarMar I tried to answer your private message but it says your message storage is full. You will need to delete some before I can send my response to you. :)

I am just going to respond to the naming issue. As a woman who has had a rather large baby and gained an enormous amount of weight in the process - I say you name your child whatever you want.
For Me...
I housed it for 9 months, stretched my body out like silly putty, pushed for 3 hours, had numerous strange hands up in my business and then had to have a scar when it was said and done because she wouldn't come out the "natural" way. After going through the process with our child - I told my husband that the next one would have whatever name I chose to give it. :)
Just my thoughts on the naming issue...



*P.S. I wouldn't change a thing, in case you were wondering*

I have to agree with you are the one who will be going through the 9 months of your body not being your own, and then having to push the baby out. I'm going through a divorce right now, and I am 30 weeks pregnant. The baby will have MY last name, no matter what the father says. Also he can not force you to put his name on the birth certificate. He would have to prove that he is the father through the court first. Hope this helps.

When my ex husband and I had kids we gave them both surnames, double barrelled. It made it easier when we divorced (I always think ahead lol!) as neither of us have a different surname to the kids, even though we have diofferent surnames to each other. As for naming baby after him, why should you? If he has a name you don't like, or wouldn't want to name your child, then don't call him that! He can't force you to, and making your life difficult will just make his own more difficult when baby is born as it will be used againt him! Just tell him straight you are naming baby, you have to carry it and give birth, you should have the right to make that decision. You should file for child support, he has a legal and a moral duty to provide for his child whatever happens. Its not 'getting' him, its providing the best life for the child you both created. That can only be a good thing, and any father worthy of the title would happily make sacrifices for their child, and play an active role in their life. There are steps you can take to limit his access, I did with my husband and we were married. In our divorce I applied for full custody and complete control over his access to them, and I got it. Didn't get me wrong, like you I never wanted him out of their lives, they have the right to see their dad even if he doesn't have the right to see them! But at least this way there is no possibility of him trying to get custody or threatening it, he never has, but I wouldn't take the chance! It does depend where you live though, I would speak to a lawyer about the rules in your area. Good luck.

You know, though statistically it's hard to say, at least he's showing interest in being a father. First off, you get to name the baby. He has no say. As far as last names go, a hyphenated last name can solve lots of legal problems. Try and include him in the child's life, at least until he proves himself to be unfit. Remember, he IS the dad and, barring him being a total piece of &*$%, he DOES have the right to be a father and since he's showing interest in being so, you should honor him in this. Start learning to compromise, because he probably isn't going anywhere, and compromise will make your life much easier in the long run.

I still say - name this kid whatever you want. It has very little to do with respect for the father. You have already stated you are giving your child his last name - there's the respect - there's the honor.

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Originally Posted by NowWhat

I still say - name this kid whatever you want. It has very little to do with respect for the father. You have already stated you are giving your child his last name - there's the respect - there's the honor.

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Yes, and I told him that I can have chose to just put my last name because we are going to have both last names in there, and he is still argueing about the first name and its making me not want to even give my baby his last name, he has not done anything for me and if he really did care about me and the baby he would have been there for me throughout my pregnancy instead he stresses me out and just wants everything his way and that's how its been this whole 6 months

Sadly we have to remember no matter who does all the work or who deserves this or that the fact remains that maybe she can just put her last name, but once he proves he is the father legally he will have the right to turn around and petition the court to have it changed to his last name. In most courts they would do just that, change it to his. So really it comes down to a matter of the law.

Give the baby both last names and the first name that you have chosen. You have then compromised enough that you can look at the father and say. "When you carry it for nine months you can name it, until then kiss my arse." At least that is what I would do.

As I said before he verbally abuses me and he HAS put his hands on me he has anger issues and I don't feel safe with him. I don't know what he is capable of. Its not a matter of who deserves what it's a matter of what can happen with someone like him. I am not trying to have a battle with him. I am still giving him the chance to see his son and be there if he wants to, but I don't want him signing any papers.

Then don't put him on the birth cert. He will then have to prove that he is the father. If you truly fear him then you need to contact someone and seek out legal help with this. Most of us don't know the laws in fl. My best advice is to call the local courthouse and get the number for legal aid.

Thank you very much. That reply I stated on here before this one was actually to someone that had placed their reply on here yesterday, but I guess she deleted it. But thank you.