Why doesn’t he want me sexually?
As you lie asleep, I cry awake
Sex isn’t that important! I believe this to be so untrue. Sex is the physical way of expressing your desire and longing to be with someone. Normally you hear of men complaining that their significant other doesn’t give them the sexual attention they crave. In my case, I, the female, feel this way. Let me explain:
I dated this guy for about three years, and due to a very tumultuous relationship, we ended things. I tried to move on, and even hooked up with a new guy. The new boyfriend was what some women would consider perfect. He was good looking, a teacher, in school getting his Masters, had a good family, fun to be with, and lastly, he adored me. I would wake up on a Sunday and have my favorite breakfast, flowers, and a very sweet card expressing his love for me on the table. Even with my complete trust in this guy, there was something always missing on my end. At first, we had sex all the time, sometimes even several times a day. We watched porn together, engaged in kinky activities, and would have sex in fun places ;) Slowly though, I lost my sex drive. I never wanted to have sex with him. The more he tried, the less I desired him. It put a strain on our relationship. I wasn’t sure why it happened. I still found him attractive, and he certainly made me feel great about myself. I began to think it may have something to do with my ex-boyfriend. We left things very messy, and I always thought about him.
Could I be having an emotional affair with someone who doesn’t even speak to me? Anyway, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, who, by the way, lived with me, and began talking back to my ex. All of a sudden I felt the old me come back. I was so horny! Looking back, I was always horny for him. Even when we dated for three years, I wanted him always. Here’s the problem, he rarely wants me. We had this issue before. He would always say “I’m so tired from work” and then he began to tell me he thought he had a problem. I had quite a few sexual partners, and I know that guys run into issues every once in a while. I wondered if he just thought he had a problem, which in turn, was creating the problem. Back on track. We get back together and we are having sex everyday. Then one day, he said it again, “I’m tired”. It brought back the feelings of rejection. I didn’t say anything. As it started happening more and more, I finally brought the subject back up. He once again claimed to have a “problem”. Feeling guilty, I tried not to push the issue further. If he really did have a problem, I didn’t want to make him feel even worse about it. Then, on Valentines Day, we had a lovely evening and when we got home, I secretly put on lingerie under my normal PJ’s and asked for a massage. I figured I would surprise him when he went to take my clothes off. Well he gave me the massage, but never got hard. I had never felt more unattractive, undesired, and horrible in my life. How could a man, who has an attractive girlfriend, one that tries to excite him, and wished to have sex everyday, not even have sex with her on Valentines Day?? I ended up telling him how I felt the next day, and I could tell he felt bad. He once again broke down about his problem.
From that day on, I figured, it, I’m not going to try. Let’s leave the initiating up to him, that way he would never feel pressured if he didn’t think he was able to perform. I thought the longer I go without pressing him, the more he will want me right? Wrong……he still isn’t trying. Just recently, we went two weeks without sex. I know I am an attractive person, and to add, I am quite the catch. I am 25 years old, I am a professional, I have my own nice place, my own nice car, I pay my own bills, I just got my Masters degree, I’m going for my PsyD, and even though I am dedicated to school and work, I am a very fun /crazy person to be around. This sounds bad, but I feel that I could go out and take pretty much any guy I wished home with me. I don’t want to do that, it is just my way of expressing that I know I am desirable. By most peoples opinions, am “too good” for my boyfriend. However, I don’t feel that way and I love him so much. I don’t want this to cause problems, but by me having to act “ok” with our sex life when I am not, I can tell this is going to become an even bigger issue. It already has. It’s not even just about my need for orgasms anymore; it’s about my need to feel my boyfriend wants me. Can anyone please give me any suggestions, input, advice….. whatever. Thanks for listening.
~ Hating to Sleep in a Cold Bed
