Hello, I'm new here. I've been requested this site from some friends. I've been told it's given great advice.

Anyway, my first question would have to be, How do you get out of an abusive relationship without being killed pretty much.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. It's only been abusive for about 1 year. He has a severe drinking and drug problem. He always has but his abuse has just started kicking in. I really need to get out of this relationship. This man is different then the man I fell in love with. Therefore, I don't love him.

The only big issue is, is that I'm afirad when I DO tell him I'm leaving his sorry butt behind, he will hurt me bad. I once hinted to him that I'm leaving and he sent me to the hopitial. I need advice,

Please and thank you.

First off, you NEED to get out, and quick.

I know it's going to be hard, but you must do it. I would make sure when you do tell him, make sure there is cops or police around. It will protect both you and him.

I would say the best way to do it. Let the cops know of the situation. I would say whenever you have the chanch get all your things and leave without any notice whatsoever, especially considering he already sent you to the hospital once. Make sure that there is a good shelter or even other family members that your able to stay with and lose all contact. My advice would be to get a restraining order but many argue that could make matters worse. Your call.

Hopefully there aren't any children. Call the police and ask them for assistance. Contact organizations for family violence related services that can help you and/or women's shelters in your community immediately.

hey there

I have been in a similar situation, its usually the losers that react very strongly when you say you want to call off.
They panic and get violent. Getting the legal support is a very good idea. I am wondering how long can you actually take the support of the police and the rest? He may fall back after they are gone. He may (he will actually) come back and try to attack you phycically again.
Let me know how do you like this suggestion:
Try to be very laid back and "good-for-nothing" types. Do not actually dress up very well when you are with him. Show a lack of interest in everything you do. Show that you have no one with you and usually not an very interesting person. Be expressionless in all the talk you do with him. Now that you know him well in more than 6 years time, you'll know what he likes the most and what he does not. Put that things ahead of him and in a very mild way. Do not change suddenly. The idea here is to let him dump you. And he may go and tell his friends that you are crazy or you were not good enough or something. Forget about that and get this project work done slowly and carefully.

Good-luck!
RP

Hi,
I have been in the same situation. It's good that you want to do something about it, that's the first step!
I disgaree with Razzipond's approach as this may make the situation worse (if you stop caring about yourself, it may make his behaviour worse as he may see it as him 'losing control' of you and he may need to increase the behaviour to get you to conform again). Speaking from experience & LOTS of hindsight, for most abusive people it is all about control.
I was lucky to still have one very close girlfriend; after he had gone out to work one day, she came over. I threw what I could in a bag and left... I have NEVER looked back!
If you do leave, it will be difficult but hang on to the thought of the life that is to come for you. A better life, a life where YOU are in charge, a life where you will be loved as you deserve, a life full of fun again.
I truly wish you well.
God bless
Moomin

Sorry to hear you married a loser! Like everyone said, safety is number one. Here's my advice: While he is at work, etc. get all your things and bolt. Rent a place ASAP and do not tell anyone that would speak with him where you have moved. Take out an assault charge for his past actions and file a restraining order. Get a big dog and change your cell phone number. The hard part is when he is trying to exert his control in different ways after you are gone. The easiest part is just moving out. Get the restraining order for sure. Eventually, he will get sick of not being able to control you and move on to someone else. It is the truth. You are in my prayers, good luck!

Do you work? Is there the opportunity for you to "go to work" one day and use that day to seek shelter? Contact a women's shelter, explain your situation and the high need for safety. Ask them for help filing a protection order. Ask if they can place you in a safe home while you get organized. You do not go back to that home unless you have police protection. Take what is absolutely necessary and then leave. If you miss a few things, remember those are only things and not worth you being injured or killed.

Some women start planning their exit carefully by packing some clothes and necessities and taking them to a friend's place for safe keeping. Or they go out and buy what they will need and keep them at their friend's place.

However you do this, you need to do this immediately and not tomorrow. Do not give this guy one more opportunity to get at you. Abusers do not change, they just get worse and they do kill. Their rage is horrendous and you do not deserve to be in that line of fire.

If you feel you cannot be safe in the town/city you live, you can ask the shelter to relocate you. I worked once with a woman who had been relocated from (her state) to where I live because her boyfriend AND his friends kept finding her. She deserved a new life and you do too.

Good luck. Wishing you the very very best.

Why do the women have to leave? I am experiencing a similar situation with a close friend and if she leaves her husband she has to take her kids with her and abandon her businesses that make extreme amounts of money. If she stays and kicks her husband out, she keeps the house, the kids and the money and he gets nothing to feed his alcohol and gambling addiction. My suggestion is find a way to get that jerk out of YOUR house. If its not your house then I guess it is easier to leave but what do women in my close friend's situtation do? The legal system does jack because its reactive - they want to see her dead or in the hospital before they will help...

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Originally Posted by AreYOUready123

Hello, I'm new here. I've been requested this site from some friends. I've been told it's given great advice.

Anyways, my first question would have to be, How do you get out of an abusive relationship without being killed pretty much.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. It's only been abusive for about 1 year. He has a severe drinking and drug problem. He always has but his abuse has just started kicking in. I really need to get out of this relationship. This man is different then the man I fell in love with. Therefore, I don't love him.

The only big issue is, is that I'm afirad when I DO tell him i'm leaving his sorry butt behind, he will hurt me bad. I once hinted to him that i'm leaving and he sent me to the hopitial. I need advice,

Please and thank you.

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Go to the police and tell them he has beaten you and threatened to kill u if you leave him.

You don't tell him you're leaving, you just leave when he's not around. If you have to, leave every thing you own behind. Call a domestic abuse hot line which should be in the front of your phone book. They will tell you every thing you need to do be safe and keep him away.

If you are concerned that he will hurt you, be smart. Do not do anything that will set him off until you have your ducks in a row. Call the police non-emergency number in your area and ask if there are programs the can recommend to assist you in getting away from an abusive spouse/boyfriend. These programs and the organizations that run them are usually publicly funded and not something you'll have to pay for out of pocket. The police can usually help you get in touch with a womens' shelter. You may not have to go to one but they can talk with you and help you develop a plan to get out of this abusive relationship. You might also want to consider going to some ALANON meetings. When he put you in the hospital before, were the police called? If not, the hospital dropped the ball. When you speak with the police, you can let them know about what happened before. They now take domestic violence very seriously. If you see that your boyfriend is ramping up to abuse you, get somewhere safe immediately. If you can't get out of the house, barricade yourself in a room and call the police. Do not try to argue with your boyfriend. The police will arrest him and they will prosecute him without your involvement. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are safe. If you do not feel comfortable speaking with the police, you can phone your family physician. He or she often has some good information on shelters. Good luck to you!

You pack your things and leave. Simple.