Hi, I have been married for about 9 and a half months now, and I am not sure what is going on but me and my husband kept arguing constantly. He don't have that much patience to deal with anything or anyone most of the time, he kept saying things that he won't be able to attain for himself, he kept going out with his friends, he kept watching some stupid pornos on the internet, he kept looking at girls walking on the street he never really cares about me. He said he loves me, but he never surprise me, never bought me anything, we are always broke, he is always raising his voice on me, he works hard but he gets unmotivated very easy. I sometimes felt like he don't respect me, He never arrouse me to have sex or give me compliments, he cooks a lot and help me clean the house but he always complained to me about doing everything I nthe house, which he only have to do houseworks sometimes because I have to work. I felt unhappy and my feelings are very hurt. I don't know if he really loves me or not, if he is ready to get married or not, If he is the one for me or not. Why do I feel this way? And howcome I always look back and find myself comparing him to my previous ex boyfriends in the past. What do I do and how should I do it.

The honeymoon is over, back to reality. Believe it or not, he feels exactly the same as you do. He probably is thinking the same, and wondering what changed, and did he make a mistake. This is a rough period to go through, but you will grow from these hard times, if you communicate, and work together. You have a house to get in order, and a life to build, so be patient and diligent, and get busy. First sit down and get the finances together, as you didn't mention kids, and you both work so why are you broke? You need a solid budget, to include enough to keep the bills paid, and entertain yourselves. That alone will help you stay out of the rut of just working hard and no fun. After that make your priority for enough face time to make each other feel wanted. You'd be surprised how much a good morning can lift spirits. Don't fall victim to the weight of the world being on your shoulders, or the problems that look, and feel so big that you want to run away. Attack them with the same enthusiasm, you attacked each other during the wedding night. You may have to lead for now, and let him catch up emotionally, but don't give up, we all started the same way. Make time for each other, and talk and listen, as its so easy to blame the other for the way things are. COMMUNICATE and get a plan of action to get what you want. The fun is in accomplishing something, no matter how small.

Dal, the first year of marriage is very hard for most of us. It is not easy learning to live with another person, adjusting our routines, and finding the proper balance. A huge piece of marriage involves mutual respect and compromise, along with communcation. Comparing each other with past relationships is not constructive, creates complications, and fuels the frustrations that you are feeling.

It would be beneficial for you both to consider going to marriage counseling. A counselor will give both of you, insight into your specific problems, and help you in finding an effective way to resolve them before you break down into the fighting and arguing stage. Fighting and arguing is another thing that adds frustrations, leaves the original problem unresolved, and creating new ones. I don't know where you live, but please look at this link:

The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

Type in your state, to get a listing of the counselors in your area. It is a good place to start. If money is an issue, some counselors do take insurance or will adjust their fees to your income. If you find they can't, one of them will direct you to where you can turn to get low income support. If your husband refuses to go, you should go on your own. A counselor will teach you how to handle your specific problems more constructively. Just remember, marriage does take work at times. It is not always flowers and candy. When the honeymoon period wears off, you need to learn how to co-exist and learn how to properly handle yourselves when the tough times show up. Communication is the key. Good luck!