My husband tells me that I'm a bad mom because I don't spank my kids I try to correct them with other methods how do I know if he's gone too far with it.

Other methods are always good to try first, but if it is obvious after many tries they are not working, spanking is a very good and accepted method of correcting a child's behavvior. It is never done in anger, it is always done with correction, and at the time of the event, not hours latter.
And it is never done in excess.

Are your methods suscessful?

Most of the times yes they are I think he wants to take the easy way n just spank them

I think without knowing what the "crimes" are it is impossible for us to tell you if spanking is okay.

I have only had to spank my daughter once, and it was for a very very serious action on her part, she was 6.

If your kids are running in the house, no spanking is not okay

If your kids are running out in the street while playing, yes spanking is okay.

I think spanking is appropriate when the child shows a clear and delibrate defiance for the rules. But that is just a general rule of thumb so to speak because sometimes it is far more important to educate the child from the situation rather than immediately punish. When a three year old clearly understands don't touch that, and yet looks you straight in the eye and touches it anyway after even 2 warnings, a quick (non abusive) swat on the butt can be get the point across. When a child disrespects you verbally a long talk on respect and properly expressing your feelings, how it hurts people and hurts themselves can be a much better way to learn. The crime should fit the punishment. Spanking a child for playing their radio too loud wouldn't be as well served or appropriate as removing that privilege. I generally keep spanking for when they are really too little to reason and need to brought back into compliance or to protect their safety. I don't want my two year old learning the hard way not to touch the hot stove, toddlers and little kids like to test the boundaries and that is a lesson I am not willing to let them learn through their defiance. A sting on the butt is a much better alternative to a trip to the ER. They touch it once I say no, they touch it twice they get spanked.

Don't know if any of that helped but I hope it did.

I think you are correct in saying that your husband just wants the easy way out. Sometimes spanking out of frustration is easier than disciplining and teaching a child. I have two children and I have spanked them a grand total of about 4 times.

Spanking is a last resort and not done in anger (as Fr. Chuck stated, you need to remain calm). You are not a bad Mom by refusing to spank your children. Have you and your husband sat down with a family counselor and discussed using spanking as a punishment? Maybe he would listen to someone else - you know it is when all you hear is one voice - you tune it out.

How do you know when he has gone too far in spanking? When spanking is his first choice and only choice in discipline.

My methods usually do work for the most part . He just wants to have the upper hand in our relationship he wants to be strict like his father was and I'm sorry but I'm not an abusive parent and don't believe in spanking because I would never want to do anything to hurt my children. They listen to me when I tell them to stop nicely and I interact with them and try to play games with them that they can both play and they usually get along . He's says I'm too soft on them and that I should spank them if they do wrong but that I think is taking the easy way out to him because he doesn't want to spend the time interacting with them... he yells at me when I baby them and I'm sick and tired of it... I'm their mother I think its okay to show them that I love them both equally and give them both hugs and kisses all the time

I think that you may both benefit from taking some parenting classes. Right now it sounds like you two are becoming entrenched in your positions, and it's not going to do either your kids or your marriage any good if they see you two always arguing about discipline. He may be too strict, but it is also possible that you are too lenient. You need to get on the same page, wherever it might wind up, so that the kids aren't confused and also don't start playing you against each other.

Kellie I believe that your spouse is trying to control you Why else would he call you a " bad mommy" he could have been more constructive in his critisim.. What else does he call you... I think that is one of the worst things that a man can say to a mother. If he is hitting your children and leaving marks on them or welts... call the police. You are their mother it is your responsibility to stand up for them, even against their father. I'm not saying for a tap on a coverd bottom or a tap[ on the hand to get their attention. I may seem a bit harsh regarding your spouse but I have read some of your post concerning his treatment of you... I highly disagree with the way this man behaves. Protect your children. May peace be with you

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Originally Posted by kellie4343

my husband tells me that im a bad mom because i dont spank my kids i try to correct them with other methods how do i know if hes gone too far with it.

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I have 2 children in University. I never spanked them. My father used to lose his temper and his discipline was abusive. I never yelled at my children either. I always explained and/or either took privileges away when they were doing something wrong as a form of discipline. Fortunately, my husband is wonderful father and has spent a lot of time with our children. I hope you succeed in discouraging your husband from spanking, I think other methods are more successful. I had a friend who spanked her child and she said she wished she hadn't because she feels it made him more aggressive.

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Originally Posted by kellie4343

my husband tells me that im a bad mom because i dont spank my kids i try to correct them with other methods how do i know if hes gone too far with it.

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Spanking works for some and time out works for some I have 2 1 doesn't care to sit in time out and 1 can't stand for you to give her the evil eye so it works different for every kid but I say if you spare the spankin you spoil the child Just do what you feel works best its your child I think if it's a small spanking on the butt that doesn't hurt