My husband loves me, I know this. But I don't feel he gives a good effort when we are in bed. He knows I do not orgasm with him but doesn't try. He wants sex often because this is how he feels loved. I do better on my own and feel like sex is a chore sometimes. We have been married 6 years and I have never orgasmed with him. I know it is difficult for me to orgasm with a partner but not impossible. I think he gave up trying 5 years ago. We tried oral but that doesn't do it for me. He doesn't like to use a vibrator on me, don't know why. Is their anything I can tell him to motivate him or how do I motivate myself to have sex when I know the out come?:(

Hello,

I'm not sure on how helpful my advice will be seeing as I have only been with my partner 2years but ill give it a go...

I believe the best way to help solve your problem is sit down and tell him how you feel about it, make sure you are not blamming him or he feels he is being attacked about his sexual performance.

I find this really works when I have problems with my partner. Or another approach would be to yourself find out what feels good, then when in bed kindly "show" him what feels good for you. When he does something that is good tell him, otherwise he has no way of knowing what you do/not like.

Well I hope I have been of some assistance.

Annabelle

I agree that you should talk about things. Please be gentle as this is such a sensitive area and can easily cause more problems. Try the approach of positive reinforcement not criticism. Take an exploration approach to sexual intimacy. Be slow, clear on what you like/dislike, and positive. Not only should he receive more verbal input from you but you should try exploring ways to excite/pleasure him while you are also being pleasured. A starting point is what you already know about your own body and how it works. What makes you climax on your own? Try variations of this... see what starts your excitement, when things turn off for you, how to move back to things that are working at keeping things exciting. It's really about you being very aware of your own body, communicating, being patient while learning how to replicate techniques, relaxing, and remembering it takes work from both partners. It's very easy to fall into a rut when in a long term relationship. Don't lose hope... it's just time to re-explore each other. Cathy

He is selfish considering you wouldn't mind some "vibrational help", yet he won't help you there either. Spend time alone on yourself (masturbate I mean) just for you-if he is not interested. His loss.

Cheers

A vibrator will only make it that much harder to get off on your own. It has a way of numbing your response to stimulation.

I'll agree he is lax about keep up his end of things..

As to oral.. I'll bet if he put a little effort into it, and you gave him some guidance it would work wonders for you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Annabelle2007

Hello,
I believe the best way to help solve your problem is sit down and tell him how you feel about it, make sure you are not blamming him or he feels he is being attacked about his sexual performance.

Annabelle

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Thank you all for your good advice. I just with I knew how to approach him and not say you stink in bed, you need to seriously work on it. Any tips on how to start that conversation?

Try asking him to give you some oral... that you feel lin the mood for some now... but in guiding him be constructive... like... "a little to the left", "a little harder"... and "Oh wow, right there like" that type comments... sometimes we for the most part like to hear what you want, directly rather than having to figure it out.

Most of us guys unfortunately see vibrators as a threat and challenge. I'm sure some of the lads agree with me on this subject. That's why he doesn't want you to use one. Vibrators are absolutely no threat or competition!

As others said, you have to sit down and talk things over. Talking always works I don't see why you should not do that. Me and my girlfriend always talk about sex and every time our sex gets better and better. Talking is the best way to solve it.

Oral sex. If done right, as Smoothy said, it'll do wonders for you! Tell him directly, but in a very, very friendly manner what he should do and which part he should concentrate on.

At the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend, I thought it's hard for her to get an orgasm, but I spent time to find the most sensitive part of her body and now without even having sex I can make her get an orgasm. Your husband has to spend quality time in finding your most sensitive part.

Cheers me lady!

Let's see. Maybe you should try turning up the heat. Maybe a little roleplaying, costumes, whips, and lubricants may help this situation. Maybe even a naughty adult film may help to spice up bed time woes.

Hello.

Sending you a great Big Hug... Your not alone many ladies can't climax through intercourse. But there is always a way to get you over the top. If he can't or will not stimulate you as he is inside you then do yourself at the same time. Who knows it might be the little extra he needs to try harder.

The trick is to make a game of it. As you said he can't get you off so he stopped trying. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to get you off it means he thinks he tried everything and nothing worked. Now open the doors to games that will not only let him get what he wants but get you what you want at the same time. I bet as soon as he sees that sexy smile on your face, you know the one you get as you climax he will be a new more excited Lover.

There are many games you can also play out of the bedroom to bring up the excitement level. Foreplay is not just for the Ladies.

Good Luck
Dennis777

You say that your better by yourself and that you want him to use the "toys," do you use the toys a lot. Sometime people use their vibrator so much that they become dependent on it. You need to lay off it for awhile. Anyway... I think that what you should do is "accidently" put an adult film in and when he's like what's this? Play it off and say o must have been put in the wrong box at the rental place. Then say something like let's just watch it anyway... I think it'll get you guys in the mood and I think the more you're in the mood, the more apt you are to actually climax. Another thing that might get him going is let him watch you masterbate.. that'll get any guy going and he'll be happy to finish it off for you. And maybe later you can watch him... :rolleyes: