Ive been with the love of my life for over a year. We are engaged and thing were going great. We moved in with my parent together to save up money till we can get our own place. Hes been looking for a job but has had no luck so far and its really bringing him down. He likes to go out with his friends because it cheers him up the only problem is he doesn't come till 5 in the morrning and I feel it is disrespectful to me and the other mambers of the house. I told him this and I told him that if he were to move out I would never get to see him again because I work in the morning and he goes to school at night. He tells me he loves me and I know he does I took off my <a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.serverlogic3.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=22&k=engagement%20ring" onmouseover="window.status='engagement ring'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">engagement ring</a> and asked him if he wanted it to end and he said no and got really upset. I don't mind him going out but I hardly see him and like I said I feel its disrespectful to the members of the house. How do I get him to come home at a decent time. How do I motivate him to look a little harder to find a job. I love him but I can't keep paying both our bills and his side of the rent. I don't want to loose him but I can't stay in the relationship if I hardly see him. Someone please help me I'm going insain and I just don't know what to do.

This sounds like a tough one. How old is he?

Have you discussed this with your parents? It's better to work in numbers, sometimes. Reassuring, as well. Maybe your dad can speak to him.

I have a feeling alcohol and even drugs are involved with this one? Not good.

This guy hasn't grown up yet. It's time you tell him to grow up or get lost - seriously. You can't marry and be with a guy like this - he doesn't sound like he has much responsibility in his life.

Seriously - right now he is USING YOU. Best thing you could do for him is send him out on the street. He needs to get work and take care of himself.

How the hell can you marry a guy who can't even take care of himself?

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Originally Posted by BubbleBaby

Ive been with the love of my life for over a year. we are engaged and thing were going great. We moved in with my parent together to save up money till we can get our own place. Hes been looking for a job but has had no luck so far and its really bringing him down. He likes to go out with his friends because it cheers him up the only problem is he doesnt come till 5 in the morrning and i feel it is disrespectful to me and the other mambers of the house. I told him this and i told him that if he were to move out I would never get to see him again because i work in the morning and he goes to school at night. He tells me he loves me and i know he does i took off my <a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.serverlogic3.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=22&k=engagement%20ring" onmouseover="window.status='engagement ring'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">engagement ring</a> and and asked him if he wanted it to end and he said no and got really upset. I dont mind him going out but i hardly see him and like i said i feel its disrespectful to the members of the house. How do i get him to come home at a decent time. How do i motivate him to look a little harder to find a job. I love him but i can't keep paying both our bills and his side of the rent. I dont want to loose him but i can't stay in the relationship if i hardly see him. Someone please help me im going insain and i just dont know what to do.

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Bubble baby,

It only seems like you're not making any choice, but you are, by not choosing!
Isn't it trying to eat the cake and keep it whole? For you? For him?
I think you both should talk about your expectations from each other. Sit together and he tells you the ideal relationship, you tell him about yours and you both work on matching them.
Work out your priorities, Love is the most important ingredient in any relationship, but if you are not together at all, what is love in your relationship?
When you talk about expectations talk about time together, about money, about social life as a couple, about kids, about jobs, about bills and about sharing caring and respect.
After that talk you'll be able to make a decision whether you want to stay with him or move on but remember, if you don't communicate now, it is only going to get worst.

Good luck
Ronit
Relationship Coaching - Be Happy in LIFE