Im 37 years old and I have been married for 19 years next month on June 18, 2007. My husband had an affair after we had been married for 9 years and we managed to heal from that now another 9 years go by and I find out he is doing it again and with 3 women that I know of. I want to find out the names of every woman he has had an affair with. Is that wrong?

IMO I don't know why you want to bother finding out names. Let sleeping dogs lie because this has already caused you enough hurt why compound it. I would kick him to the curb and throw his clothes after him. Not once, but three times he did this to you. As you say, you both found peace after the first; he must have some sort of problem.

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Originally Posted by cmrsfinch

Im 37 years old and I have been married for 19 years next month on June 18, 2007. My husband had an affair after we had been married for 9 years and we managed to heal from that now another 9 years go by and I find out he is doing it again and with 3 women that I know of. I want to find out the names of every woman he has had an affair with. Is that wrong?

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There is an old saying... "1st time he cheats shame on him 2nd time he cheats shame on him 3rd time he cheats shame on me: . After the 2nd time get out don't hang around and let the 3rd time happen. He has shown you what he is( a cheater someone unworthy of your trust) now it is up to to to believe him.Realtionships are supposed to go forward not backwards. Your still young... I see from your profile that you have a job and I see no mention of young children. As far as getting their names, why waste your time and energy on that. Good luck. May Peace Be with You

Unless you want to have them to use in divorce court, ( which you don't really need) it is sort of sick personally to want to know the details like names?

So unless he is rich and you are happy living in the mansion driving the BMW and gong to the country club, even if he is cheating, why are you still with him

You you did not work though anything with him, he convinced you to put up with it, most liekly blamed you somehow for it and made excuses.
He is basically a Dog, sniffing and sleeping with anything he passes, and most likely he never stopped and there are most likely dozens of others you know nothing about.

The only names you really need are good divorce attorneys,

You don't need this. It's time to leave. He will just keep cheating on you. You shouldn't find out who are the others, don't waste your life away, live your life free

I understand your curiosity of wanting to know these names. It may not be the healthest thing for you. I hope that you will make plans of leaving this marriage. People do make mistakes and people can forgive. But, in this situation, he has hurt you over and over - with the same offense. He is letting you know that he is not going to change.
I know it is sometimes easier to blame the other woman rather than your husband, because you love your husband and only want to see the best. But the reality is, he made this choice - he turned his back on the marriage. I know the other women are not blameless - but they don't have a commitment to you - your husband does.
Good Luck.

I would rather use my time to have a meeting with a divorce lawyer.

Sounds like a clear case to me...

I say, who cares even if he is rich or whatever! Nothing is worth selling your soul like that! Get the hell out of that marriage so you can still have somewhat of a life of your own. He has got issues! Probably a sex addict, why else have 3 women at once. I understand you wanting to know, for your own sake, but otherwise it doesn't matter. I think you need to get some space away from him and start focusing on your future. You have spent 19 years being devoted to someone who only cares for himself! There are probably other women you don't know about. NOw, he is getting more and more careless. Maybe he wants a way out, I'm not sure because I don't have any other information. Take care of yourself and realize it isn't because of you. This is because he is a selfish pig!! I can tell you are young and beautiful, you need to share that with someone who deserves it. Right now, I would separate and start going to therapy, immediately. Talking to people here will help, but you need guidance from a professional on how to move on for good!!

If you can get hold of their mobile or house phone numbers you will be able to find out who they are. Car plate numbers are always good too.

I get it. Find out their details and solidify the information in your mind before you kick him to the curb as it helps make things more real and gives you a sense of power and snaity.

Go for it. And stop once you've got it. You are not in the wrong. You are only protecting and guiding what's yours.